About Me

I have done a lot of things in my life and have also worked in many different jobs to make a living and to experience life. This blog is just some of my musings, sometimes funny, sometimes inspirational, sometimes sad, sometimes angry, sometimes simple but all the time, it's just me.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Just like you

I want to be just like you.
So full of love just like you.
Always grateful just like you.
Easily forgiving just like you
Say sorry just like you
Have a heart just like you
Please teach me
Please guide me.
Please show me.
Cause I would love to be
just like you
~ Nil Timbadia

I want to be just like Him, God but I know that is a tall order.

I want to be just like my Guardian Mahavir, and he is my friend, my guide in troubled times.

I wan to be just like my wife, patient and loving despite many things going on in life.

I want to be just like my little furry son, Al E. He is always so loving, grateful and forgiving. He is my first Ho'oponopono teacher.

I want to be just like my Sid in the aquarium, patient and a great listener.

I want to be just like Jesus, my guide and guardian, always full of love and forgiveness.

I want to be just like Kriya Baba, so calm and peaceful.

I want to be just like Prityangara Amman, like a mother so filled with love.

I want to be just like my friends, Uncle P, mother and father of Wisdom, and all the wonderful people on Friday meditation classes that are always close to my heart.

I want to be just like Reiki master Dr Usui, a true healer using the universe energies.

At the end of the day, I want to be just like me. The soul that is I still is on a path of clearing the bad memories and karma but well on the path.

I am reaching the divinity.

And as I end this month of blogging about friends including all the wonderful pets, and as I move on to the 43 year of my life next week, and as I start to write more about the power of the soul and possibly helping others, I would like to say ... Thank you. I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me.

Thank you and I love you.

Take care and be well.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Laking tuwa ng magulang mo

Noong isilang ka sa mundong ito
Laking tuwa ng magulang mo
At ang kamay nila ang iyong ilaw
At ang nanay at tatay mo'y
Di malaman ang gagawin
Minamasdan pati pagtulog mo
At sa gabi'y napupuyat ang iyong nanay
Sa pagtimpla ng gatas mo
At sa umaga nama'y kalong ka
Ng iyong amang tuwang-tuwa sa iyo
Ngayon nga ay malaki ka na
Nais mo'y maging malaya
Di man sila payag
Walang magagawa
Ikaw nga ay biglang nagbago
Naging matigas ang iyong ulo
At ang payo nila'y sinuway mo
Di mo man lang inisip na
Ang kanilang ginagawa'y para sa iyo
Pagkat ang nais mo'y
Masunod ang layaw mo
Di mo sila pinapansin
Nagdaan pa ang mga araw
At ang landas mo'y naligaw
Ikaw ay nalulong sa masamang bisyo
At ang una mong nilapitan
Ang iyong inang lumuluha
At ang tanong,"anak, ba't ka nagkaganyan"
At ang iyong mata'y biglang lumuha ng di mo napapansin
Nagsisisi at sa isip mo'y
Nalaman mong ika'y nagkamali
When you were born into this world
Your mom and dad saw a dream fulfilled
Dream come true
The answer to their prayers
You were to them a special child
Gave 'em joy every time you smiled
Each time you cried
They're at your side to care
Child, you don't know
You'll never know how far they'd go
To give you all their love can give
To see you through and God it's true
They'd die for you, if they must, to see you live
How many seasons came and went
So many years have now been spent
For time ran fast
And now at last you're strong
Now what has gotten over you
You seem to hate your parents too
Do speak out your mind
Why do you find them wrong
Child you don't know
You'll never know how far they'd go
To give you all their love can give
To see you through and God it's true
They'd die for you, if they must, to see you live
And now your path has gone astray
Child you ain't sure what to do or say
You're so alone
No friends are on your side
And child you now break down in tears
Let them drive away your fears
Where must you go
Their arms stay open wide
Child you don't know
You'll never know how far they'd go
To give you all their love can give
To see you through and God it's true
They'd die for you, if they must, to see you live
Child you don't know
You'll never know how far they'd go
To give you all their love can give
To see you through and God it's true
They'd die for you, if they must, to see you live
~ Anak/Child by Freddie Aguilar

My son is going to be three years old soon. I got him when he was only two months old. Yes, he is adopted and he is very special.

When I got him, his name was baby but I named him Al E Baba, mainly because he was very intelligent like Albert Einstein and he was very black like Ba Ba Black Sheep.

He is very intelligent is just full of unconditional love, the amount of love he gives out is as much as as my best friend, God.

Yah, it seems God created certain beings just to be so filled with love that there is just so much abundance of it.

I have always loved the song above, but unlike the child in the song above, Al E is very grateful and we are very grateful to have him.

My son unfortunately will not live as long as me. I am now 42 going on 43 and it would be a wonderful thing from God if my son lived half that age.

But one thing I know is that he will have a fantastic life, with me and wifey.

He will always be our first and currently only son.

And as much as he loves me, I love him.

He has also been writing a blog, although not as often as me.

He also has a Facebook page which he has unfortunately not updated in a long time.

If you already do not have a clue who my son is, check out his blog by clicking any of the various links that I have splattered on this blog posting. He does not write that often but do check out his blog sometime.

Al E my son, my furry little boy, I love you and I thank you. I am sorry and Please forgive me for anything.

Take care and be well.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

All good things are like Yin and Yang

Twenty years I have worked
In my career
Many bosses have come
And many have gone
Some bosses became friends
These were the wonderful ones
Some friends became bosses
These usually resulted in an end of a friendship
Some were truly great, compassionate and motivating
Some were absolutely insane, useless and demotivating
Some were kind and compassionate
Some were loud and rude
It is like all good things come to an end
or like the Yin and the Yang
But life is too short
To be hurt
by those bosses that were lousy
Here today, let's cherish the great ones.

Best boss I have had is also my best friend and I already wrote about Him a few days ago. Yes, God rules.

How about other bosses. Whom do I cherish and remember. Some have been task masters but they have been wonderful.

I guess if I go back to my first job as a resident assistant in Steiner Hall in University of Wisconsin, the boss was Steven. On the first year, he was a wonderful and caring boss. In the second year, I think things got to his head and he was a little too cocky and too certain and too dictatorial. He no longer did things out of passion but he did things out of ambition.

I also worked as a dishwasher, in the University food center. I do not remember my boss, I believe his name was John. He was such a nice and compassionate person who would take opportunity to teach me how to make burgers and man the cashier when things were slow on the dish washing front. He knew it was hot and humid washing the dishes and totally demotivating and demeaning for a senior to do.

When I returned, my first job was a journalist in the Star. VK Chin was the news editor and I was in his area. He was a nice quiet boss with many many years of experience. He would give assignments that were sometimes mundane and sometimes damn interesting. Really liked to work for him and gained a lot of experience. There were other seniors around, of which I remember but a few. Some were genuinely nice and some were just a bunch of asses to fill of themselves.

As I said, I will not write about bosses I did not quite like or worked well with. But working as a coolie was amongst the worst jobs I have done.

I soon joined The Sun. Aziz was the news editor and he was a nice man who gave us all wonderful challenges. Those were the days when The Sun just started and young journalist like me had the opportunity to cover major news stories. Unfortunately, due to some bad politics, this changed and news editor became Robert Ho. Let's not even talk about him.

Left The Sun for Texas Instruments. Worked in a wonderful department with Mohan. He was amongst the better bosses I have had but he left like six months after I had joined. Sarjit took over and was quite a good boss but the department soon closed down. And with the closure of the department, unfortunately, that ended my luck with bosses in that company. It felt like six years of hard work just down the drain.

But I soon joined Com-Line and while the big boss, PK, a family friend was wonderful, my immediate boss Joy ... let's not even go there. Nevertheless, it was wonderful and fun times working with the company while it lasted. Many changes and many issues later, I went and started something on my own.

I was my own boss, and realised I was not a really good my own boss. So I had to get back into the working line where PK got me a project in BAT.

Tang, Paul and Safuan were my bosses in different ways for the project and they are all wonderful wonderful people. Paul is amongst my friends now and while Tang and Safuan have lost contact, I know they are doing well.

Next came DHL and for a few years, I had the best boss ever in my career. Julie was a really good boss that I still keep in touch with and would work for her anytime. She unfortunately left to the business side of things and unfortunately left us with Mr A Pok and AN.

Left DHL for the place I work for now. It is too near and too close. But I have had some wonderful bosses who have been wonderful friends. From Sarawak to Netherlands, just nice people, good kind hearted people, task masters but they teach you the tools of the trade and then set the high expectations. What can I say?

Is it really that all good things come to an end? Sure seems to be this cycle. This Yin and Yang, of good and evil, God and Devil.

I am sure not all the time was I the perfect employee. I am not a perfect human being, my life has its trials and tribulation but the soul of I is divine and to reach that divinity, I just say .... "I am sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Thank you."

And this can change. Even in the Yin and Yang, even in darkness, there is light. So, need to attune the soul of I to look at the brightness and the light during the darkness. There is always light, there is always good. After all, even in the Garden of Eden there is the bad, I am certain, in in worse scenarios, there is also light.

So no matter how things are in my surrounding, I take this vow, for the peace of the soul that is I, I shall always look for the light, the white light of God, the gold light of my guardian, the rainbow lights of the angels above .... there will always be the light shining for me, Always.

Take care and be well.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Sleeping soundly forever

One day gone, life's not the same without you.
We can all be strong.
But strength can't bring back the one's we've lost.
Holding on, moments will last
always inside of our hearts
But what good are hearts when
their beats have stopped?
My friend it hurts that you're gone.
You should still be here.
The world knows it wasn't your time.
We know you're needed here with us.
It's so hard moving on.
We wake up everyday without a friend,
knowing it wasn't his time.
Passing on
We know that you're looking out for us all.
Still, so hard to believe that you're not with us.
You can't bring back the ones you've lost.
You can't bring back the ones you've lost.
You belong down here smiling wide.
You know you're needed here with us.
~ The Sleeping by Heart Beatz

Over the years, many friends have left, sleeping forever, souls living eternity, body long gone limp, heart beats stopped.

I did not have the time and chance to blog over the weekend as I was busy in a class that I was taking.

My usual routine lately in the morning is when I get up and on the royal seat, I will normally go through Facebook and news on my iPhone.

On Saturday, I had commented on my friends status. My friend, a journalist I know since the time I worked in the Star had written in his Facebook that he had to write various letters to his two sons school to explain why his son should be allowed to keep facial hair and wear a bangle to school as a Sikh.

To my shock this morning when I read in Facebook this very same friend had passed away last night of a heart attack.

Dharmendar Singh and I worked together when we were in The Star. He was always a fun and jovial person with laughter and smiles always on his face. He was such a joy to be with. Over the years, we lost contact and reconnected through Facebook.

I had come to realise some years back that my wife also knew him and his wife from University days.

He will be sorely missed. He was close to his 43rd birthday, barely 1 year older than me. He leaves behind 3 children and a wife.

I have lost many friends to miscommunication, some stupid argument but it is always most difficult to loose a friend or a loved one through death.

However, the soul that is I have just come to realise that the soul is immortal and Dharmendar's soul is well alive and having the smile and laughter always.

Last year, wifey and I lost a dear friend of ours in South Africa. Julie died of cancer and it has been just a few days over a year and we still remember her fondly. Her soul too is alive and filled with laughter and smiling down upon us. She left behind a loving husband and 5 little ones (all doggies that loved her dearly).
My mother's soul too I feel with me and I know there is a certain wish of hers that needs to be fulfilled.

Many friends have passed over the years. I remember when I was in USA, I heard a close friend from school days, Bapu Subramaniam, had drowned off the coast of Vancouver and it had a sad impact on me at that time. Just a year or two ago, his dad, a prominent lawyer in Penang had been stabbed to death.

When I returned from USA, I managed to spend some wonderful time with my mother before she died peacefully in her sleep. But now I have come to some realisation maybe it is not so peaceful after all as her soul needs to pass a message to me. My mother left behind many things and people.

Interesting how life is. The soul that is I is eternal, the body that is I is not, it lives a finite time and it then sleeps soundly forever. We all in our bodily forms will disappear, but our souls will live on, with memories of different lives embedded into them. Forever these memories that the soul have had will remain. Sometimes the bad memories remain, mostly the good.

I am a soul, a divinity close to the divinity of God and to that of other divine souls. As such, while I feel the loss and the sadness and grief the loss of loved ones and close ones, I know that I am still connected to their divine in a pure way.

I am sorry. Please forgive me. I thank you. I love you.

I am sorry. Please forgive me. I thank you. I love you.

Take care and be well.

Friday, March 25, 2011

My best friend

I never had no one that I could count on
I've been let down so many times
I was tired of hurtin', so tired of searchin'
'Til you walked into my life
It was a feelin'
I'd never known
And for the first time
I didn't feel alone
You're more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh, we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Every time I look at you
I don't know where I'd be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You stand by me and you believe in me
Like nobody ever has
When my world goes crazy,
you're right there to save me
You make me see how much I have.
~ Tim McGraw

I do not believe in best friends and I do not think I have ever had a best friend ever.

My wife does come in close, but she is my wife and she is among my closest friends and ally.

My lil furry son, Al E, he is someone I love and adore, and he will always be close to me.

So, no best friends ..... except maybe now!

My best friend is ....... drum roll please .......


OK, may sound a little cheesy, but why not. He is all of our best friend. He never ignores us, He never leaves us when we need Him, He is loving and forgiving, He listens and He hears, He guides and He fights for us.

What more could one want from a best friend?

In kindergarten, one of my good friends was John. Where is he now? God only knows.

In primary school, the few friends I had, I do not even remember their names. But Yogi, who was my friend since I was 5 is no longer even in my life now.

In secondary school, many friends I had. But as soon as I left and went away, even the friends disappeared. It was a time before mobile phones and Internet and home telephone numbers changed from 5 to 6 to 7 digits, so it was difficult to keep in touch.

I went to college and university and again only God knows what happen to all these friends.

Apart from the few who I have "re-connected" with via Facebook, most are living somewhere, in their own lives, oblivious to the past friendships and kinship that we all had.

I started working as a journalist and knew hundred if not thousands of people. We had a group of us who would go have fun all the time.

In the factory that I worked in, I keep in touch with 1 person.

In this company or that company, friendship comes and goes. Whether is is angels or devils, sometimes angels become devils, but that is what friendship is in this human form that the soul of I has taken.

So, do you have a best friend? Move away for a few years and see if you remain best friends.

But one thing that remains consistent is God. He is always there. And now my main guardians and other guardians who help me, who are mainly also doing what God wants them to do. And through God and through my guardians, I have discovered myself. Me, not Nil Timbadia in the current bodily form, but me, the soul that is I, the divine soul of I which is closest and dearest to God.

Next month, I will be finishing the forty second year in this bodily form. I have live thousands of years, but in this temporary vessel, body, it is completing forty two.

I will be writing about the power of the Soul. About inside wisdom. It will hopefully help some of you to tap into the most powerful force in the Universe, your divine soul, which is the same DNA as God, your connection to God.

I will write about understanding of soul, the power of love and gratitude, healing yourself from within, breaking free from past and making a bridge to the future, the journey that you will take will lead you to living your soul life, not your body life.

I and God, we are the best of friends. This is His guidance through me, that maybe will connect you, your divine soul back to him.

But that is next month, and it may go on till May, but I will write about it and I will maybe also write about other things in between.
I am not God. I am a soul, I have a body. The soul that I am is divine, and the divinity is connected to that of God's divinity, it is connected to Mother Earth, Father Sky, the Heavens above, the moon and the stars, the fishes and the birds, the animals and the trees, the Universe that is.

Take care and be well.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Ganpathi Bappa Morya, Pudhachya Varshi Laukar ya

I have a lot of affinity for elephants. Since young, I have always liked elephants. Even when we bought our current residence with the big back garden, I told wifey that I would not mind having an elephant as a pet.

Imagine an elephant in your backyard.

An elephant sleeps about 16 minutes a day.

An elephant eats throughout the day because they have a very very high metabolic rate, where only a small percentage of what they eat is processed as nutrients and the rest comes out as wastage.

So, can you imagine the piles of wastage that will be in our backyard.

Elephants also speak to each other and about 80% of their speech is not discernible by the human ear. Surprisingly for their large size, they do speak quite softly.

In my house, you will see many many elephant statues. Not Ganpathi statues, but elephant statues. I have a few Ganpathi statues and respect Him tremendously.

But everywhere I go, if I see an elephant, I have to buy it.

I see an elephant in Maldives carved out of coconut, I have to get it.

In Italy, or India, or Vietnam, or South Africa, I have to get an elephant if I see it. Well, an elephant statue that is.

In South Africa, we went on 3 safari's and in each one, we saw elephants, loads and loads of them. Well, they always travel in a large group. Many times they were just barely feet away and it was really inspiring and awesome to watch these elephants.

I guess I really like animals so much so that when I was born, I was born with elephant ears. Well, at least most people especially my mom and wifey think that my elephant ears are adorable, just as the real elephants are.

So, I am really saddened when I see anything that is made of ivory.

Like old piano keys or a part of a gun or a carving, I just cannot bear to see and feel the suffering of an elephant.

So why do people still hunt elephants?

Elephants have mostly been hunted for their tusks, meat and skin. They have also been hunted as trophy.

The trade of ivory (tusks) during colonization of many countries in Africa and Asia led to decrease in Elephant numbers. In Asia, Elephants were also captured and domesticated for their own personal use such as transportation, and still are.

However, what most people forget is that Elephants were always hunted before colonization since local communities benefited from internal ivory trade and other uses of the animal. Colonization led to an unsustainable killing of elephants. African and Asian Elephants were both added to CITES (Conventional of International Trade of Endangered Species) where trade of any product was then banned.

In the last decade, the number of Elephants has increased dramatically in some parts of Africa that in some national parks, Elephants have reached their carrying capacity.

The greatest problems at the moment with Elephant-human interaction is that Elephants crop raid farms while the locals are not allowed to shoot the elephant. All they can do is just sit and watch it as it destroys their farms, their income and most likely their lives.

Conservation efforts have now understood (well at least most of them) this point and now take into account Local communities in their conservation approaches, including Wildlife Conservation Society (WCS) landscape approach. CAMPFIRE was a success until Zimbabwe's government system fell apart. CAMPFIRE had a system in which an area would be left as a reserve and a surrounding area would be allowed for hunting. Local communities then let foreigners to come in and trophy hunt and then the money, which was something like USD5000 per animal, would be distributed in the community.

So to answer your questions in short, they get hunted illegally for animal products including tusks, meat, skin, and as well when they're crop raiding. They also get hunted as trophies in areas where they have been given permission. They also get hunted to sustain numbers in national parks.

As mentioned above, the Wildlife Conservation Society does make some efforts but yet there are openly sites like Bullet Safaris that are offering big game hunting.

I do not understand why people need to hunt these animals. I guess the karma will get to them as it has me. I have come to discover that quite some lifetimes ago, I used to hunt elephants and have killed many of them. Somehow, in this lifetime I have had the affinity with elephants and I always seek for their blessings and forgiveness without having known what I have done previously. For my previous misdeeds, I say, “I am sorry, Please forgive me, I love you and Thank you.”

I am sharing some of my wonderful pictures of elephants I had taken during my wonderful time in South Africa which until now has been the best ever vacation we have taken and this was in 2007. 2008 was unfortunately the worst holiday in Egypt. 2009 was some parts of Europe and that was pleasant and nice. 2010 was Maldives and Vietnam and that was nice too.

But 2007 by far has been the best. Check out more pics of my trip at Africa 2007. First is wifey art presented to our good friends in South Africa. They are all small as I did not want to take up too much space. Do go to my flickr link by clicking Africa 2007 for further details.

I am also sharing with you some pictures of dead hunted elephants for your awareness.

O lord father Ganesha, come again speedily. To all my brother and sister souls who have been elephants now and previously, the soul that is I would like to give you infinite love and gratitude and seek forgiveness for all humankind.

Take care and be well.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Relax Max

Relax, Max
Your nerves are just like jumpin' jacks, Max
Your heart is thumpin' with a crazy sound
Hear it pound
Bumpin', bumpin', bumpin'
Jumpin' up and down
Stay cool, Max
Just take it easy
That's the rule, Max
The evenin' hasn't even started yet
So, my pet
Control yourself, control yourself
Don't get upset
Don't think I'm cold if I say you're too bold
I've been fooled by that moon up above
I want your kiss just as you want my kiss
But a kiss is no kiss without love
Ah, come on, relax, Max
Your nerves are kinda bad there, boy
Hold it
Down, boy
Take it easy, boy
Relax yourself
The evening's young yet
Mmm, come on and relax, Max
Relax yourself
~ Dinah Washington (Ruth Lee Jones)

Max is this friends dog, a Pekingese Shih Tzu mix. I have known max for 11 years, he is a grand old man, in doggy years, he is as old as my old man who is 77.

Max is one of the loveliest dogs I have met.

Max is very quiet, I have heard him bark only once and that was nearly 8 years ago when he was still a young boy.

He is very patient with kids and I have seen kids pull his hair, draw on him, sit on him and he just takes it all.

He is a little fussy in his eating habits but that is mainly because he gets not very good food (Al E is among the lucky ones as we cook for him his meals - but even that started recently).

Max likes to have his belly rubbed and all these years he has been spoilt with chocolates and cakes (which the owners have now restricted as they have found out it is not good for him).

He was a very active boy in his younger days but after an accident and operation, he has slowed down and is more careful with his moves.

Max has been this pet of mine that is not mine, similar to Bob and Rusty in US. Max belongs to a friend whom I do visit often enough to have seen Max grow up. Well, I have seen my friends two boys grow up from babies to adulthood as well.

When I was less aware of pets and did not have a pet on my own, I always thought Max was a bit of a wuss, a scaredy cat. You see, poor Max is really afraid of thunder and loud noises like thunder i.e. firecrackers.

He is so scared. He will go under a little space under a sofa and now the little space under the TV cabinet way before a thunderstorm starts and will remain there hours after the last thunder cannot be heard. I guess his sense of feeling, intuition and hearing still hears the thunder.

I have come to learn that this is quite a common issue amongst pets - not just dogs but even other animals. I am lucky that Al E is not afraid of it and have not had to deal with it. He will stand at the door and look at the thunder and wish for it to stop only so that he can go for his walks.

Max, as long as I know has had this issue. And there are many ways to help a pet who has this fear. Hiding under the cabinet is not such a bad thing after all, according to the experts. And of course reassuring your pet.

As I am not big expert in this matter, I attach some other articles below to help you if your pet is having some anxiety over thunder and other loud noises.
The article below from PAWs US describes more about this problem that Max has.

While a good "kraack" or "boom" may have been good while Batman was taking down the Joker, such startling sounds are no joke for your dog. Firecrackers, thunder and other loud, out-of-nowhere sounds often leave dogs frightened and wanting to flee to a safer place. These types of fears may develop even though your dog has had no traumatic experiences associated with the sound. The good news is that many fear-related problems can be successfully resolved. If left untreated, however, your dog's fearful behavior will probably get worse.

The most common behavior problems associated with fear of loud noises are destruction and escaping. When your dog becomes frightened, he tries to reduce his fear. He may try to escape to a place where the sounds of thunder or firecrackers are less intense. If he feels less afraid by leaving the yard or going into a certain room or area of the house, then the escape or destructive behavior is reinforced because it successfully lessens his fear. For some dogs, just the activity or physical exertion associated with one of these behaviors may be an outlet for their anxiety. Unfortunately, escape and/or destructive behavior can be a problem for you and could also result in physical injury to your dog.

Your dog may also begin to associate a particular startling noise with other things in her environment, and she may grow afraid of these other things because she associates them with the loud noise that frightens her. For example, dogs who are afraid of thunder may later become afraid of the wind, dark clouds, and flashes of light that often precede the sound of thunder. Dogs who do not like the sound of firecrackers may become fearful of the children who have the firecrackers or may become afraid to go in the backyard, if that's where they usually hear the noise.

Another article that may help if your dog has this fear of thunder or even fireworks is by Patty Khuly, for USA TODAY below.

It's the same thing every year. The summer storms ... they stress our dogs unduly. We vets call it "storm phobia." You call it your worst nightmare. (The howling, the hiding, the destruction!)

Either way, we all want the same thing: a calmer dog that doesn't have to suffer the psychological damage done by booming thunder, wicked lightning and plummeting barometric pressures.

And it's not just their psyche (and ours!) at risk. We all know that dogs are capable of doing serious damage to themselves during stormy times of the year. Fractured claws, lacerations, broken teeth and bruises are but a few consequences.

So how do you handle thunderstorm phobia? Here are my suggestions:

•Handle it early on in your dog's life.
Does your dog merely quake and quiver under the bed when it storms outside? Just because he doesn't absolutely freak doesn't mean he's not suffering. Since storm phobia is considered a progressive behavioral disease, signs like this should not be ignored. Each successive thunderstorm season is likely to bring out ever-worsening signs of fear. It's time to take action — NOW.
•Don't heed advice to let her "sweat it out" or not to "baby" her.
I've heard many pet owners explain that they don't offer any consolation to their pets because they don't want to reinforce the "negative behavior" brought on by a thunderstorm. But a severe thunderstorm is no time to tell your dog to "buck up and get strong." Fears like this are irrational (after all, she's safe indoors). Your dog won't get it when you punish her for freaking out. Indeed, it'll likely make her anxiety worse. Providing a positive or distracting stimulus is more likely to calm her down.
•Offer treats, cuddling and other good stuff when storms happen.
This method is best employed before the phobia sets in –– as pups. Associating loud booms with treats is never a bad thing, right?
•Let him hide — in a crate.
Hiding (as in a cave) is a natural psychological defense for dogs. Getting them used to a crate as pups has a tremendous influence on how comfortable they are when things scare them. Having a go-to place for relaxing or hiding away is an excellent approach, no matter what the fear. Another approach to try, whether he's a pup or not:
•Get him away from the noise, and compete with it.
Creating a comfy place (for the crate or elsewhere) in a room that's enclosed (like a closet or bathroom) may help a great deal. Adding in a loud radio or white noise machine can help, too. Or how about soothing, dog-calming music?
•Counter the effects of electromagnetism.
Though it may sound like voodoo, your dog can also become sensitized to the electromagnetic radiation caused by lightning strikes. One great way to shield your dog from these potentially fear-provoking waves is to cover her crate with a double layer of heavy-duty aluminum foil. Another method involves clothing her in a commercially available "Storm Defender" cape that does the same work. If she hides under the bed, consider slipping a layer of aluminum foil between the box-spring and mattress.
•Desensitize him.
Sometimes it's possible to allay the fears by using thunderstorm sound CDs when it's not raging outside. Play it at a low volume while plying him with positive stimuli (like treats and pettings). Increase the volume all the while, getting to those uncomfortable booming sounds over a period of weeks. It works well for some.
•Ask your veterinarian about drugs.
Sure, there's nothing so unsavory as the need for drugs to relieve dogs of their fears, but recognize that some fears will not be amenable to any of these other ministrations without drugs. If that's the case, talk to your vet about it –– please. There are plenty of new approaches to drugs that don't result in a zonked-out dog, so please ask!
•Natural therapies can work.
For severe sufferers, there's no doubt it'll be hard to ask a simple flower essence to do all the heavy lifting, but for milder cases, Bach flower extracts (as in Rescue Remedy), lavender oil (in a diffuser is best) and/or "Dog Appeasing Pheromone" (marketed as D.A.P. in a diffuser, spray or collar) can help.
•Consider seeing a board-certified veterinary behaviorist.
If nothing else works, your dog should not have to suffer. Seek out the advice of your veterinarian, and, if you've gone as far as you can with him/her, consider someone with unique training in these areas –– perhaps a board-certified veterinary behaviorist.

I hope the articles above has helped if your pet have a fear of loud noises like thunder and firecrackers like Max does. Maybe they can join Max under the little space below the TV cabinet and keep him company next time there is a big thunderstorm outside.

Take care and be well.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Past, Present, Future

In my past,
I was a merchant.
I was a warlock.
I was a hunter.
I was an idiot.

In the present,
I am a worker.
I am a healer.
I am a vegetarian,
I am in tune and attuned.

In the past,
in the present,
and in the future,
I am soul,
that has lived many human lifetimes.

The soul of I has an infinite lifespan.
The soul of I will live forever.
But this soul that is I has had many forms,
Many human lifetimes.

Karma as it is,
Memories that are,
Good and bad,
like the Yin and Yang.

Seeking the infinite source of;
To fill my heart.

Speaking to;
For daily guidance.

In this life form,
A husband,
A son,
A brother,
A friend,

Found what was being sought.
Found what was never lost.
The Divine God,
and the divine soul of I.

Some ask
"Have you found God, Jesus?"
I answer
"I did not know He was lost."
God has always been there,
It is the I that was lost.

But I have been found
The soul that is I
And the divine God and his guardians
The future looks so bright
Filled with infinite love, gratitude.

Spock said
Live long and prosper
I would love to
But for now, I say...

Take care and be well.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Cats in the cradle and the silver spoon

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking before I knew it and as he grew
He said, "I’m gonna be like you, Dad,
You know I’m gonna be like you"
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, dad, I don’t know when,
But we'll get together then, Son,
You know we'll have a good time then.
My son turned ten just the other day
He said "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on lets play
can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today,
I got a lot to do" He said "That's okay"
And then he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said "I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m going to be like him"
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you coming home, dad, I don't know when,
But we'll get together then, Son,
You know we'll have a good time then.
Well he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say,
"Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you coming home, Son, I don't know when,
But we'll get together then, Dad,
You know we'll have a good time then.
I’ve long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day........
I said "I'd like to see you if you don’t mind"
He said "I'd love to Dad, if I could find the time.
You see my new jobs a hassle, and the kids have the flu.
But It's sure nice talking to you, Dad,
It's been sure nice talking to you........"
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me,
My boy was just like me..............
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you coming home, Son, I don't know when,
But we'll get together then, Dad
We're gonna have a good time then.
~ Harry Chapin

I really can relate to this song sometimes, quite sadly so.

However, unlike the son in the song, I think I have been quite different.

While I may be critical of those around me and they have also been critical to me, I am filled with love and care.

Unlike the son in the song who does not have time for his father that was barely there when he was growing up, I am here for my father.

Yes, I may call him crappy ole man, because he sometimes is. And as Dr Suess says, those who matter, they do not mind what I write. But those who mind about what I write, well they don't really matter.

Like one of my readers commented, I am releasing and yes it feels wonderful to release the truth as I see it.

My father is a wonderful father. He has always provided for me and the family in terms of monetary needs and anything that we have required for studies like fees, clothes, books etc.

He has provided a safe and comfortable living environment for us to grow up in.

But as I said, sometimes, in his old age at seventy seven, he can be a crappy ole man. And sometimes I feel his heart is so hard and cold that he does not feel love. He surely did at one time, and I hope he can fill his heart with all the love again.

Irrespectively, my father was a busy man, trying to provide for his immediate family as well as his extended family in India who to me sometime seem like a bunch of free-loaders.

As such, my father has been working his butt off for most of his life. So much so that while growing up, we only saw him on Sundays and we had the best Sundays ever.

It did matter that we did not see him much, but we still had a fun time when we did see him.

Anyway, so, when time came, when I was in USA, grappling with acceptance from Columbia University for a fully paid work-study offer to do my PhD in Psychology and on one hand having a father that was really sick and down with a very severe bout of jaundice, I came back for the family.

I have been back since, never looked back. Some years I may have regretted not going to Columbia but in retrospect, I do not.

I managed to meet a wonderful girl who I have been married to nearly 15 years, I managed to spend some quality time with my parents and sadly my mom passed a long time ago, but I spent some wonderful memories with her. And now, my dad lives with me and yes, he can be crappy ole man at times, but I am caring for his needs.

In my previous post, I wrote a scathing blog about my brother. And to continue on that a little, he has been one that has lived his own life. More towards the son in the song above.

So for you folks out there with children or pets, remember, all they want is some time and love from you. Just find time, do not say there is no time. If there is no time, re-evaluate what you are doing in your life because God has given each one of us more than enough time to fill our hearts with infinite love and gratitude to share with everyone.

So to one and to all, infinite love and gratitude to you. I love you, thank you, I am sorry and please forgive me.

Take care and be well.

Friday, March 18, 2011

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

Many years have passed since that day
Your stories are the same but the ends have all changed
You carried on like you were some type of god
Some things will never change
We went home to see our dad
We laughed and we told jokes
It was like we were young again
On that floor our mother lay dead
For so long we tried to contact you
It took death to get us back together again
But that is never going to last
You can't keep reliving your past
Screwing over the ones that you love
In the name of some new drug
So brother, raise another pint
Rev up the engine and drive off in the night
See you somewhere some place some time
I know there's better brothers but you're the only one that's mine
I know there's better brothers but this karma's the only one that's mine
How long is this going to last
You can't keep reliving your past
All this karma keeps a poundin' at my door
'Cause you screwed up some new score
So you're standing in the doorway like you own the place
With a look of smug satisfaction on your face
I'm gonna give you up and let you go
Of that I'm sure, the soul that is I will heal
But I take one look at God and I know it'll never be easy
So brother, raise another pint
Rev up the engine and drive off in the night
See you somewhere some place some time
I know there's better brother's but they'll never be mine
~ Brother by Murder by Death (slightly modified)

My brother and me are roughly 2 years and 2 months apart. I am the youngest in the family and we have two older sisters.

While growing up most of our lives, our sisters were in India. Since age 3 to 18, I have shared a room with my brother.

Then we went our separate ways when we went to US.

Somehow, over the years, I guess we have just realised we are different people and we believe in different things and we have a different view of life.

I am not saying my view is better nor saying his view is better.

But there are certain actions of his that really do piss me off and I am certain some actions of mine piss him off too (especially like writing this blog). Well, he is American, he can sue me if he wants but as I am not mentioning names, I guess there is no libel or slander. Nor do I want to be libelous or slanderous.

I feel sometimes he is a reluctant brother, like it's blood, so there is no choice, we are tied by blood. But sometimes we are like the sun and the moon. Although his name starts with the Sun and my name Nil meaning nothingness probably resonates with the moon, sometimes I admit I am the fiery one like the sun or the cold one like the dark side of the moon.

My grandparents called me Khario, which translates to salty, but more like Mr Angry. And yes, I admit, I have my anger and frustrations which are generally more in control as I become more in control.

Many years ago, the divine had decided that I would be coming back to Malaysia and sacrifice my admittance into Columbia University for PhD to take care of my parents. My brother, who originally did not even have intentions or inspirations to go to US, had also gone and now remains.

There as not been a long time that I remember that my brother and I have not argued. He knows how to press all the wrong buttons and I being Mr Angry has allowed for this to continue for all these years.

Recently, well, a few years back, my brother became and American citizen and thus gave up his birth citizenship of this wonderful country that I live in. I do not blame him, in fact, I would want to get out too someday.

So, I tried. I even asked my brother to apply for my dad in consideration of his old age and health and maybe through my dad, I could get a green card too.

All the help I got from him was an email with a website link to go apply for my dad and myself. No guidance, no help, not even a real offer to help.

Thank you brother.

Then he recently got a divorce. He had been married close to 10 years at that time. And coincidentally, the divorce came like 6 months after his Americanisation.

In his sob story that he told us, his wife had packed up half the house while he was at work and he was served divorce papers at work. And when he got home, half his things were gone.

Despite having been working in USA for more than 20 years, he did not even have enough money to pay for the lawyer fees initially and had to take soft loans from his sister as well as myself.

He looked haggard and miserable and we all felt sorry for him.

Thank you brother. I am sorry for your suffering.

However, about 6 months later, he decided to go to India to seek a bride. He looked at maybe 20 odd females to get married to and even had shortlisted 2 or 3.

Eventually none of them worked out.

Then low and behold, about a few weeks back, I was informed by my ole man that my brother and his wife were going to India.

"His wife!" I asked my dad what wife? Apparently, he had fallen in love with some girl which I was aware off. What I was not aware off was he got married.

When he got married the first time, he and I had a disagreement because although he informed his family, he never invited any of us to be present.

The second marriage is even more interesting, he did not even bother to inform.

Such is life. He shares his miseries but never his happiness. He is 44 years old and did not even have a courtesy to inform his family members that he was getting married. He did not even seek our blessings nor ask us to be present during his happiness.

When miserable, when going through divorce, he would call and talk to me quite often.

Anyway, I have not spoken to him for a while. And I guess the only reason I have a brother is through this blood attachments.

Thank you brother for allowing me this cleansing of this experience of you. I am sorry for all the pain and sufferings that I have caused you. I release you from any more pain and sufferings from my side. Please forgive me and have a wonderful life.

I am uncertain of my lives before, and what the soul that is I have experienced but it seems the soul that is I seems to have always been angry at something.

As such, in this lifetime, it is my goal to reach the state of Nil, the state of zero, the state of nothingness, where all bad memories and programming and karma are erased and forgiven. It is a long long journey. It is a journey that starts in my conscious mind, permeates into my memories and karma, trudges to my subconscious mind and finds its way through the supaconscious mind to finally reach the pure divine soul of I and to cleanse it and cleanse it and cleanse it.

The divine soul that is I is closest related to the divinity of God, as He created the I.

Everyday, every living moment, even as I write this blog, I say the four sentences none stop. I am sorry, Please forgive me, I love you and I thank you.

My blogs are many a times from my memories and negative thoughts and sometimes, the come from the I, from my inspiration. Today, it has been from my intentions and memories rather than my inspiration, and to that, I have to say I am sorry, Please forgive me, I love you and I thank you.

The pain that I feel is my pain, the pain of I and only I can through responsibility to the I, resolve this pain.

I am sorry. Please forgive me. Let this cleanse, purify, release, cut all negative memories, blocks, energies and vibrations, and I transmute these unwanted energies from within into the pure light and the cleansing is done. I love you. I thank you.

Peace begins with I, the peace of I within the soul that is I.

Take care and be well.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Sid, my pet and my friend.

Quite sometime back, a friend of mine asked me to keep a fish called Ikan Puyu in Malay. As I had never in my life had a fish nor any kind of pet I was reluctant at first but one day decided to get a bowl and 1 Puyu fish.

Little did I know about my 1st pet. One weekend when wifey and I had to go away and left the bowl and my fish Puyu 1 with my sister in law.

The next day, my 1st pet Puyu 1 jumped out of the bowl and committed suicide.

I found out soon enough a little more about Puyu fish, it seems it can live in land (in the right conditions) as well as land and breathes atmospheric oxygen.

The Anabantidae are a family of perciform fish commonly called the climbing gouramies or climbing perches. As labyrinth fishes, they possess a labyrinth organ, a structure in the fish's head which allows them to breathe atmospheric oxygen. Fish of this family are commonly seen gulping at air at the surface of the water; which then passes out of their gills or mouth when they dive beneath the surface.

Climbing perch (Anabas testudineus) on land.The climbing gouramies originate from Africa to India and the Philippines. They are primarily a freshwater fish and only very rarely found in brackish water. An egg-layer, they typically guard their eggs and young.

Climbing Gouramis are so named due to their ability to "climb" out of water and "walk" short distances. Their method of terrestrial locomotion uses the gill plates as supports and the fish pushes itself using the fins and tail.

So, my 1st pet Puyu 1 committed suicide and that did not bode well for me.

I still never gave up and decided to buy a small fish tank with all the works like filters etc and cover to prevent my new purchases. This time, I decided to buy 2 Puyu fish, thinking the 1st one committed suicide out of loneliness.

Having 2 Puyu's, I did not want to name them Puyu 1 and Puyu 2. So, I chose a simple name for them, in honor of my 1st pet Puyu 1, I named them Sue and Sid (suicide = sue sid - get it?).

For a long time I have had Sue and Sid. Then after about 2 years or so, Sue died and was replaced with another Sue and Sid died and was also replaced with another Sid.

Now, in the big tank in my house, there is a lone Puyu, Sid. Sue died a couple of years ago. Wifey got some fancy angel fishes for a present which did not last too long and got some disease. She also bought another Sue but that Sue too died with the same disease of the angel fishes.

All our Sue's and Sid's and angels have been buried in our backyard somewhere which has become a little of a pet cemetery.

Anyway, Sid is now alone in the huge fish tank with Al E on the outside. Just like Al E, Sid likes to listen and pay attention. He will come to the front of the tank and look at people.

I then came upon this on Google search about Puyu. From a Yahoo Q&A, someone had answered this about Puyu and it's mystical powers.

In mystical arts, the climbing perch (puyu) is seen as a fish that dwells in two realms (which makes it unique) and it has the ability to live without water for days (if in a proper environment) which is quite symbolic for certain qualities which humans don't have (as fishes are supposed to be dependent on water, humans are dependent on air, but in the case of this fish, it is able to dwell in both realms). These abilities are seen as special and unusual, which is another feature that makes this fish 'special'.

It is said that here are two kinds of uses for these fishes.
(1) It can be used to repel 'pest-like' spirits, those of the 'weaker' kinds. Spirits that can be mischievous such as toyols and certain dwarf-like beings (kerdil). Some versions of this explains that these beings are actually not afraid of the puyu at all, but uses them as 'toys' to play with.
(2) It can also be used to repel demonic spirits, those with grosser bodies (in the case of Djinns) as these beings are said to dislike its sharp bodies.

There's also a third use of these fishes. It can be used as a sacrifice for removal of cursed objects (santau) by transferring those objects into the body of those fishes (though it is not commonly practiced). Some uses the puyu as a medium to send cursed objects instead.

I guess all races 'accept' these fishes for their uniqueness and attracted to the stories of old rather than having any understanding whatsoever about these fishes. As a matter of fact, not many 'modern' Malaysians know the uses of these fish anymore unless they are being brought up with proper guidance in the old ways. It is more like an adaptation as the climbing perch is a native only to Southeast Asian countries and can also be found throughout Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Burma, parts of Indonesia and Borneo...

These fishes have NO 'mystical' powers of its own without any 'divine' assistance and usually it has to be done with proper conjurations and spells. Black magic is a term referred to certain practices which involves darker intentions of one's practice. In reality, there is no such thing as 'black' or 'white' magic. The intention of one's heart determines the cause and effect of its spells. Through the powers of these spells, certain beings are being used to 'work' for a particular person (eg. witchdoctors/bomoh), and thus the climbing perch is used for the purposes as mentioned earlier above.

Hope this helps...

I do not wish to make this too lengthy, but basically mention the 'idea' about keeping these fishes for the purpose of 'preventing' black magic.

By TheBear V2.0 (Happy Bearian)

I do not know about preventing black magic or white magic or anything. But all I know is that in my journey of this soul that is I, all these pets are in my life for a purpose and reason. Sid has been a loyal and wonderful companion. He has listened and he minds his own business. He needs little food and he seems contented.

And I also believe all animals have telepathic and mystical powers, be it my loner Sid in his tank or loner Al E outside the tank.

I love both of them to bits. I thank them for being in my life. I seek their forgiveness for anything bad I may have done to them in this lifetime or previous ones. I love you and I thank you.

Take care and be well.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


I am the "I"
Owau No Ka "I"
"I" come forth from the void into light,
Pua mai au mai ka po iloko o ka malamalama,
"I" am the breath that nurtures life,
Owau no ka ha, ka mauli ola,
"I" am that emptiness, that hollowness beyond all consciousness,
Owau no ka poho, ke ka'ele mawaho a'e o no ike apau.
The "I", the Id, the All.
Ka I, Ke Kino Iho, na Mea Apau.
"I" draw my bow of rainbows across the waters,
Ka a'e au i ku'u pi'o o na anuenue mawaho a'e o na kai a pau,
The continuum of minds with matters.
Ka ho'omaumau o na mana'o ame na mea a pau.
"I" am the incoming and outgoing of breath,
Owau no ka "Ho", a me ka "Ha"
The invisible, untouchable breeze,
He huna ka makani nahenahe,
The undefinable atom of creation.
Ka "Hua" huna o Kumulipo.
"I" am the "I".
Owau no ka "I".
~ Hawaiian Origins

As one goes through life, we learn about family, friends, teamwork etc. and often the "I" is lost. People often say there is no "I" in team and all those fancy shmancy corporate talk.

But if you are spiritual, it all starts with the "I". The soul that I am, the body that the soul drives, the superconscious, the subconscious and the conscious mind are all "I". The memories, the "karma", the past the present are all "I".

As I go through my spiritual journey, there are others I meet along the way. Others who join me. Others who are with me. Others who come along for the ride. Others who guide. But at the end of it all, the spiritual growth is for the "I".

A team or a family or a group cannot grow spiritually without the "I" growing.

The intention of my life is from the consious mind and the ego. But I search for the inspiration from the divine soul. And to erase my negative memories, to cleanse my negative memories, I seek forgiveness, and I provide infinite love and gratitude to all, but most of all to the "I", to the divine soul that is "I".

In the past year, I have found inspiration from within from many sources, I have grown in many ways. The divine soul that is I is now back on the right inspiration and not on an egoistic intention. I am inspired.

I am the I.

I give what I can give. And in return, I hope you give what you can give. And the world of I, the world of you and therefore, the world in whole will be a better place.

My Peace I give to you, My Peace I leave with you. Not the world's Peace, but, only My Peace, The Peace of I.

My Love I give to you, My Love I leave with you. Not the world's Love, but, only My Love, the Love of I.

My Thanks I give to you, My Thanks I leave with you. Not the world's Thanks, but, only My Thanks, the Thanks of I.

My forgiveness I give to you, My forgiveness I leave with you. Not the world's forgiveness, but, only My Forgiveness, the Forgiveness of I.

I am sorry, Please forgive me, I love you and I thank you.

Take care and be well.

The Peace Of "I"
Ka Maluhia O Ka "I"
Peace be with you, All My Peace,
O ka Maluhia no me oe, Ku'u Maluhia a pau loa,
The Peace that is " I ", the Peace that is "I am".
Ka Maluhia o ka "I", owau no ka Maluhia,
The Peace for always, now and forever and evermore.
Ka Maluhia no na wa a pau, no ke'ia wa a mau a mau loa aku.
My Peace " I " give to you, My Peace " I " leave with you,
Ha'awi aku wau I ku'u Maluhia ia oe, waiho aku wau I ku'u Maluhia me oe,
Not the world's Peace, but, only My Peace,
The Peace of " I ".
A'ole ka Maluhia o ke ao aka, ka'u Maluhia wale no,
Ka Maluhia o ka "I".
~ Hawaiian Origins