About Me

I have done a lot of things in my life and have also worked in many different jobs to make a living and to experience life. This blog is just some of my musings, sometimes funny, sometimes inspirational, sometimes sad, sometimes angry, sometimes simple but all the time, it's just me.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

If I was a young pre-teenage boy

November has been a month of "If I was" blogs. If you have noticed, October was "My name is".

So for certain I have some surprised stored for December but before I get ahead of myself, this is going to likely be the last blog this November.

I may re-visit this "If I was" theme again sometime in the future but you'll just have to wait and see.

Now, I have a very fond memory of when I was 5 years old and I also have a not so fond memory when I was 10 years old. I even remember specific dates. When I was 5, it was April 6, 1974 and when I was 10, it was February 12, 1979.

Apart from these memories, which I will share in a while, I also look at the kids nowadays and think back 30 years back when I was a pre-teenage boy. With growing technology comes vast amount of difference in what kids eat, learn and play.

I remember when I was 5, my dad's friend, whom in Asian culture we call uncle, came over to my house with a birthday cake and I blew out candles. It was a simple cake but you will be surprised to know that that was the only time in my pre-teenage year that my birthday was celebrated. That I will always cherish. I was only to learn nearly 20 years later that this uncle actually shared the same birthday as me. Since then, I have made all effort to at least call and wish him a happy birthday too.

When I was around 10, someone close to me celebrated his 12th birthday. And there was a grand big party thrown for this person that was close to me. I guess I was just a little jealous, even now when I think back of it, I was definitely jealous. This person got so many gifts and games and toys and as boys go, boys don't share toys unless told too.

I guess in my mind I always had wished for a big birthday party in my pre-teen years but, oh well, somehow birthdays were never celebrated in my family. I remember my dad used to always say that people should mourn during their birthdays as it means they are now 1 year closer to death. Ironic that they decided to throw a big birthday party for the other one.

I like celebrations and since I started going to college and then on to university and then on to work, I have never gone to class or worked during my birthday. Even if the celebration is small or big, I always celebrate it. Even when I turned 40, and due to work circumstances, I was alone in Europe, I took a weekend off and celebrated it in London watching Les Miserables and a Jason Mraz concert.

But anyway, looking back at my pre-teenage boy years and having the wisdom that I have now, this is what I would do if I was a pre-teenage boy.

1. Celebrate every year on my birthday - if tantrum does not work with your parents or if you are poor, there are still ways to celebrate. So just celebrate, laugh, tell people it's your birthday so that they at least wish you.

2. I will not get a computer game nor play a computer game. I am currently not a big computer game fan although I did buy wifey a Wii recently but have not ever played it. When I was young, I was more into reading comics than playing the arcade games although I would indulge in a game of pong or space invaders every now and then. I am more into reading more and maybe playing more board games. Monopoly was among my favorites and remains among my favorites till this day.

3. As already mentioned above, I like to read, always have but my childhood days were about comics more than books. My favorite were Asterix, Tintin, Dandy, Beano and MAD. My real reading habit was inculcated by my English teacher Mrs Ooi from ages 13-15. But before 12, I did read Noddy and some of Enid Blyton's books.

4. I will join the scouts and take part in more social activities. I was a little bit of a nerd I guess. Had a normal childhood and played all the games but was just not in any social organizations.

5. I will take part in some sports. I am not into sports and I wish I was.

6. I will help out my mom in the kitchen more, helping to clear up and clean up a little.

7. I would want to get a pet, preferable a dog. Having a dog in the past 2 years has changed my life and I can imagine how much fun it would have been to have a dog when I was young and we had big yards.

8. I would learn how to swim. Trying to learn how to swim as an adult has been difficult and I wished I had learned while I was a lot younger and less fearful.

9. I would take up a martial arts. Never did that either and wish I had taken up karate or tai kwan do or something. Again, somehow we were never encouraged to do this by our parents, I don't really know or remember why.

10. I would have been less angry. When I was young, I had a reputation as a very angry young boy. You would see many pictures of mine with an angry face that would kill. I now know why I was angry when I was young ... and while there may be very valid reasons to be angry, I just wished I was less angry when I was young.

I am sure many of you, male or female would maybe do things differently. I have no major regrets of my childhood. Furthermore, I cannot change the past. So, I am what I am and I am happy just being that.

Take care and be well.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

If I was a ghost

This blog is not so much of what I will be like if I was a ghost but more what I will not be if I was a ghost.

There are a lot of humorous ghost stories and many have been published in this book even - Humorous GHOST Stories

Of course there are some classics but the following is why some ghosts just seem to have a sense of humour.

The Taman Kosas ghost - some time ago, I used to live on the top floor of a walk up apartment and I used to work shifts. This happened a few days in a row one week when I was coming back from afternoon shift - so reaching home around midnight.

At around 2am, I heard a knock on my door. Knock knock knock knock knock. I did not have a door bell nor did I have a peep hole on the door. So I asked who it was and no answer. I looked below the little gap on the door and saw no feet.

Next day I am asking people about it and was advised that I should wash my feet before I enter the house especially since I am passing a few graveyards on the way back and coming back at the "death" shift time.

So, I did all that the next day. At 2am, knock knock knock knock knock on the door again. Same routine and again I see nothing. So next morning, I get a peep hole installed on the door and follow the washing feet routine and get more advise and seek out some spiritual guidance - i.e. basically asking people if they knew a bomoh or priest or something.

3rd day, 2am, knock knock knock knock knock. I ask again who it is, I look in the gap below and after a while I gain enough bravado to overcome fear and look through the newly installed peep hole on my door. And I see nothing, I hear nothing. So now I am getting quite scared.

4th day, same routine, 2am knock knock knock knock and I follow the same routine. This time I am getting a little pissed so I look into the peep hole faster and I see someone. So I open the door and .....

A transvestite with a deep voice says, "Hello Abang (Hi Big Brother), I am looking for so and so but looks like I have got the wrong house."

Me: "We're you the one who has been knocking on my door the past few days at this hour?"

Transvestite: "Yah Abang, my apologies, I have got the wrong house."

Me: "Why did you not answer when I asked who you were?"

Transvestite: "Sorry Abang, I was scared."

Me: "You think I was not?"

Anyway, there was no more knocking on further days. The thing is, how come I never saw feet nor did I get the answer. Was the transvestite a real transvestite or a ghost transvestite looking for a lover who may have spurned him in his past life? The mystery remains, was it a ghost? If it was a ghost, I still laugh about it until now. Just imagine a ghost going "Hello Abang" in a deep voice, will you be scared or will you laugh out loud?

Luak Bay Ghost - this was before the time when I got Al E and a time when I was alone in my beach bungalow in Luak Bay in Miri, Sarawak. Many a times when I am alone, I tend to fall asleep on the couch watching some television.

This was one such day. There was heavy rain, the waves crashing against the beach and the frog orchestra had started as I was watching some movie on the television. I must have knocked off and fallen asleep around 1am plus.

Then around 2am, I heard the door bell ring. Ding Dong, Ding Dong.

I got up half asleep. Saw the tv was on, so thought the door bell noise came from the tv, so I turned it off. Then sort of was falling asleep again when I heard the door bell again. Ding Dong, Ding Dong, Ding Dong.

It definitely came from my home, so I thought it was my phone alarm but that was not on.

Then the door bell rang again, Ding Dong, Ding Dong, Ding Dong.

Now I was up and a little scared. You see, I lived in a bungalow that did not have a door bell or any clock chiming as such. None of my neighbours also had door bells. Plus there were barely any cars on the road behind the house.

Again, a door without a peep hole but we had a kitchen window that faced the front of the house, so I see through the kitchen window and nothing.

OK, so I am a little scared but then I am wondering, why does a ghost need to bring his own door bell? Furthermore, can't they just come in through solid objects. It could have just walked right through the door.

The Calcutta Hotel ghost - this clip from Russel Peters is hilarious, how ghost are sometimes not scary at all.

So, will you be scared by a ghost with an Indian accent. I would just laugh him out the room.

There are many funny ghost stories and what's with Casper the friendly ghost? Anyway, I am not a ghost nor do I plan to be one after death, so if you ever see me as a ghost after I am gone, it's not me and just laugh him out of your room.

Take care and be well.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

If I was a rich tourist

I love to travel and to my count, have been to many places all around the world. I felt like I have travelled more than most of my friends and for sure more than most of my family members.

Recently I did a survey on places I have travelled and it seems that I have only travelled 13% of the world. I started to wonder if I had travelled so little, was this survey including the sea mass of earth?

Anyways, there are many books and guides and shows out there talking and writing about a thousand places to visit before you die or top ten places or this and that to visit.

This is my list of places I would visit as well as I would avoid if I was a rich tourist and budget was no concern. Some of these places I speak from my personal experience and some places through the experience of others and of course the shows and books I have read.

So here goes, I would definitely want to visit:
1. Malaysia - OK obviously a bias choice having grown up in this place, I really do like the prospect for a tourist in this country. There is really a lot to see and a lot to do especially if you go a little of the beaten path and are willing to try new things. Culinary delight all around with wonderful food especially in my home state of Penang.

2. USA - especially New York city, San Francisco and generally everywhere including Alaska and of course most definitely Hawaii. I have visited 48 of the 50 states or at least past through them on a bus and spent a few hours. Only place not visited have been mainly Alaska and Hawaii but got to do that some time.

3. Italy - visited twice, a fun and wonderful place, I really like it. As a tourist, it is not a question of will you get conned but more when will you get conned. All tourist get conned in one way or another.

4. Austria - having good friends there makes the biggest different. A small landlocked country with wonderful places to see and the tonnes of capirinha's and mojito's that we drank in Salzburg.

5. South Africa - I keep saying this is the best place we have visited. Just a magnificent country. So much to see and so much to do. Although safety may seem to be a concern, we had friends there and again in our drive of more than 2000 kilometers, we did not feel threatened in any way.

6. New Zealand - another wonderful place really well depicted in the Lord of the Ring trilogy. It really has wonderful scenery, safe to drive around but really strict on drinking and driving. So if you having some wine, do not drink and drive.

7. Germany - surprised? Yes, somehow I do like Germany. Berlin was wonderful and Frankfurt was a charm. Other places I visited were really fun too. And as wifey said, most German guys are quite hunky.

8. France - one of the places where I have not really visited. I have only been to Paris. But definitely on my list of places to go. Enough of stories from French friends and others who have been there.

9. Maldives - just a wonderful beach paradise and does really help when you know the GM in the resort that you are staying in. Meeru Island resort feels like a home away from home.

10. Thailand - I have only been to Phuket and Bangkok but my ole man been to more places and definitely a place I would like to explore more. People are very friendly and the food is quite delicious.

11. Cambodia - I have only been to Siem Riep and visited the Angkor but the people were wonderful and somehow I actually enjoyed the Amok food. My tuk tuk riders I had, Song for the day time and Wong for the night were just wonderful. And it is always amazing to see Einstein-hair-esque doctors running a hospital for children. Kantha Bopha and Dr Beat Richner - keep up the wonderful work.

12. Japan - both me and wifey have always wanted to go but have been avoiding due to the high prices. It will definitely remain in our to do list and I would love to go see Disney Land and Disney Sea in Japan apart from Mount Fuji, Tokyo and eat all the wonderful Japanese food.

13. Argentina - again not have been to Argentina but definitely on the "akan datang" or next attraction list. It is a big country with a lot of things to see and lots of wine to drink. I am sure we'll have a blast there.

14. Spain - been to many places in Europe but Spain has not been one of them and again in our definite to do list. May combine it with another place or do a solo Spain trip sometime in the near future. But I will not attend any bull fights - just feel they are bloody cruel.

15. Cuba - Fidel retired and has been calling me to come over ever since. He has had few hand rolled cigars waiting for me while we sip a nice Cuban rum. Now and again, the topic of visiting Cuba comes and now and again due to finances and the long long flight from Malaysia to Madrid to Cuba has been a deterrent. But hold on to those cigars Fidel, I am coming before you are gone.

I am maybe a little harsh on countries I would not like to spend my tourist dollar on mainly because of the 10 below, I have only visited 3. As such, the others are just based on knowledge from what I have seen or read. So, apologies to those people living on those countries. If your place is really a wonderful place, do make a case for it in the comments.

Places that I am not too keen on or have visited and never would like to really visit again are:

1. Egypt - this was by far one of our worst trips. People were rude, hotels were so so, food was mediocre and weather was hot. The pyramids were a little overrated as was out so called 4 star cruise which looked more like 2 stars when anchored next to a real 4-5 star cruise. Water costs 10 times more for tourists in most places, just ridiculous con jobs everywhere.

2. India - country of my parents and maybe I am being a little unfair here but the many times I visit this place, I hardly visit it. I am stuck in one relative home after another and have not even really seen Mumbai well. I do not really fancy the spicy Indian cuisine and don;t really like the messiness of the whole place. Dust and dirt everywhere and when you wipe your face, the tissue is all black.

3. Indonesia - Bali I have visited 4 times but I am not really keen on Jawa, Sumatra, Irian Jaya or even Sulawesi. Never really fancied this place too much. I do not know why, but just don;t want to be eaten by cannibals or attacked by Muslim extremists.

4. China - my friends have been here many times but somehow I have not been attracted to China yet. Tibet is in my list and I would have to go through China, so I guess I will technically visit the country sometimes. While I have heard wonderful stories, I am not inspired yet to visit.

5. Nigeria - I have many friends who work there but I cannot imagine going to a country that will be dangerous to go to.

6. Russia - recently a few friends went there and recently I met some Russians as well. These people are rather rude and my friends who went there too said they would not want to visit again. So, although this was in my list, it has now been removed. Many will say it is my loss but I just don't want to spent my tourist money on somewhere where people are bloody rude. I have already done this before in Egypt.

7. Afghanistan - after the Taliban destroyed everything, I do not think there is anything to see plus it just seem very unsafe to go with your wife or family.

8. Iraq - similar to Afghanistan, I would not want to visit it after the Americans trashed the place up while "freeing" Iraqi's of Saddam's oppression. It just does not seem like a safe place to go.

9. Korea - both north and south, apart from the recent tensions, I have heard about enough racism against darker skinned tourist.

10. Iceland - what is there to really see in this cold northern pole country which is now in economic ruins. I hear food and everything else is really expensive and tourist wise, there is really not much to see.

Unfortunately, I am not a rich tourist and likely as such, have only travelled 13% of the world. Hopefully in the next 20 years, that number will increase to about 40-50% and the rest will be places that I will unlikely ever visit.

I am sure if you were a rich tourist, you would likely see different things. Anyway, at the moment, I am just a normal tourist, so some of those areas above I will just have to wait and save up for it.

Take care and be well.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

If I was a movie star

There are some movie stars that I have just admired over the years and of course some I would not want to be at all.

But even those I would not want to be have made their money and have had their popularity.

So, If I was a movie star, who would I be or who I would not want to be?

1. I would like to be Sean Connery - he is one charming suave bald man who can act really well. And yet, I do not think he has won any academy awards.

2. Sticking with the theme of bald man, Patrick Stewart. Again, British actors really have that suaveness about them.

3. Again sticking with yet another British actor, Pierce Brosnan. Imagine from a PI on a television show to Bond to whatever else he does nowadays.

4. Moving a little east, Amitabh Bachan. I have always admired the Big B.

5. Aamir Khan - his movies are among the only few Hindi movies that I bother to watch. Again, if you have not watched 3 Idiots, you likely are one.

6. Edward Norton makes the 1st American on the list, he really shook me up with his performance in the movie with Richard Gere, Primal Fear. Then his many other roles have always been done wonderfully.

7. Daniel Day Lewis. I remember watching his movie My Left Foot when I was in the US. I could not believe the following year when I saw this handsome man walking up the academy stairs to accept his best actor award. I could not believe it.

8. P. Ramlee. His movies still bring laughter, fear and tears to my eyes. His story brings tears, how badly he was treated in his real life by the industry as well as the government. My favorite is 3 Abdul.

9. I am trying to include at least 1 great female actor and while Judi Dench and Hellen Mirren come to mind and great actresses they are, somehow, why do I want to say Mila Jovovich? I have not watched all her movies but I really liked her in 5th Element - Leelu, multi-pass were probably her only words or her few lines in the movie. But her face holds so much expression.

10. Denzel Washington - he is great at times but he has been acting in too many train movies lately.

This list can really go on and on and on but then it will end up being such a long boring blog, so I will keep it at 10.

How about actors I would not want to be?
1. Hervé Villechaize - Tattoo. Poor guy did a good job but I would not want to be him running up to ring bells and shouting "Ze Plane, ze Plane" and in the end be fired from the job. Fantasy Island was fun though and was never the same without him.

2. Gary Coleman. Another poor guy and I am not picking on the vertically challenged here but he did quite destroy his own life.

3. Macaulay Culkin - I would not want to be remembered for that one scene in Home Alone.

4. Angelina Jolie. Too bad. She may be sexy momma but someone who admonishes her dad for leaving her mom for another women and said she will never steal another person husband did exactly the same. I guess the apple does not fall too far away from the tree.

5. Shaquille O'neal - I will happily loved to be him as an NBA player, he is among the best but as an actor - Shazam - come on.

6. Paris Hilton - she is one of the worst actress or singers ever.

7. Ben Affleck - just killing himself with bad roles or maybe he never was that good to start with.

8. Madonna - she should just stick to the singing but then again Beyonce, Rihanna and Lady Gaga have taken her spot there too.

9. Sylvester Stallone - respect Rocky 1 but after that, it has been downhill with the never ending Rambo and Rocky movies.

10. Kevin Costner - I liked him in Dances with Wolves but everything else I do not even remember.

However, I guess I am not talented enough to be an actor and guess I'll never be one. But I am happy being me.

Take care and be well.

Monday, November 22, 2010

If I was Paris Hilton

I saw a picture of Paris Hilton doing community service with 4 inch high stiletto's and got to thinking what would I do if I was Paris Hilton.

This is going to be a really interesting blog, considering how opinionated I am. So here goes.

If I was Paris Hilton ....
1. I would do absolutely exactly the same. OK, I'm not into drugs ever, but everything else remains.

You see, despite her negative publicity or her positive publicity, she is raking in tonnes of money, millions and hundreds of millions.

So, is she doing something wrong? Absolutely ... I mean heroin and cocaine usage is just wrong and illegal.

But partying hard or drinking until she pukes? Well, we all have done that.

Not wearing underwear or posing naked or having a porn video out? She made money from all of it.

Yes, yes, money is not everything and some people say it is root of all evil. I do not really agree with that.

Paris has many charities and she does quite a bit for the underprivileged and at the same time making tonnes and tonnes of money.

Most people either hate or love Paris Hilton, I am quite indifferent. She is a bitch to some extend but who am I to really say that, after all, I am an ass at times too.

So, there it is, maybe not as funny or witty as the others, but if I was Paris Hilton, I would just be that. But in all honesty, I'm glad I'm not Paris and I'm just happy being me.

Take care and be well.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

If I was a 76 year old widower

OK, so, it's soon going to be my ole man's birthday. He is going to be 76.

In England, it is said that the Queen will send a telegram .... nowadays an email to those who reach their centenary (that is 100 years for those who do not know what a centenary is).

In Malaysia, fat chance for anyone up there sending you anything.

Also, my mom passed away in 1998, that is more than 12 years ago, so the mourning should be long past.

So, what would I do if I was a 76 year old widower and had somewhat decent amount of money?

Well, here is what I will do :

1. Truly enjoy each day as a bonus day rather than sulk or be angry or crappy.
2. Don't get married but have a girlfriend who is young enough and rich enough.
3. Travel everywhere business class.
4. Make a trip to a place I have never been too at least once a year.
5. Celebrate my birthday big time (considering that he has never celebrated it before).
6. Write a will for once and be bias about it (nothing is equal).
7. My children's love for me is not equal, as such, my love for my children will not be equal too.
8. I will flirt with every beautiful girl I see, that will keep me young.
9. I will mix with people younger and more active then me so that will also keep me young.
10. I will not complain about the past nor would I complain about my health ailments.
11. I will surrender myself to God or the Universal energy and believe in every faith without any criticism - don't want to be pissing off the wrong person.
12. I will go out partying every day, have a couple of beers or stouts ...... wait a minute .... dad already does this now.

Well, as my ole man sometimes says when I tell him he is still young and half of his ailments are psychosomatic, "You'll see how it is when you reach my age."

Yup, I'll love to reach that age or older but hopefully I will have my lovely wife next to me still at that age or if not, I'll definitely have all the rest of the fun.

For the moment, I'm glad I am not 76 and just a sprightly 41.

Take care and be well.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

If I was the PM

If I was the PM, what would I do, hmmmm??

First of all, I cannot be the PM by law and nor do I want to be the PM.

But here goes:
  1. If I am fat and bald and still can get a nice model to go out with me, why blow her up with C4 (wouldn't you rather have a pretty 1st lady rather than a big fat big haired bitchy witch.... well enough said).

  2. I would definitely not have a DPM. He is a dead weight and just demoralising.

  3. My cabinet size will be based on population - to some extent i.e. 1 minister for every 2 million people. So 28 million population = 14 ministers. Or like 1 per state.

  4. I will definitely reduce income tax. This is the only country where being a company especially a registered Sdn Bhd is more beneficial than being an individual.

  5. I will remove subsidy for oil and provide subsidies via income tax, i.e. people earning less that 50k a year get x amount and so on and so forth.

  6. I will not be blogging, I will not be Facebooking, I will not be Friendstering, I will not be LinkedIn, I will not be Twittering .... but my ministers will.

  7. I will have an open town hall session every week that is open for anyone and everyone, dressed in anyway to ask me any questions and I will not answer, "A very good question, I do not have the details with me but I will get back to you."

  8. I will not try to attract back Malaysian who have left Malaysia especially if they also gave up their citizenship. If you leave the country and become an American, or Australian or whatever not ... good luck and good riddance, we don't want you back.

  9. However, I would like to find a way to keep good Malaysians here as well as try to attract some others who would like to contribute to the economy in a good and positive way and not just have millions of 3rd world country workers here who send most of their money out of Malaysia anyways.

  10. There will be no longer a free handout or loans based on race. The term race and religion will be removed from all applications forms whether for loan, tender, passport and any other forms. All bonds, houses, amanah saham etc will be open to all Malaysians and based on merit rather than any other criteria.

But alas, I am not the PM nor can I be the PM but it sure will be a wonderful place if I was.

Take care and be well.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

If I was a girl

Ok, so Beyonce sang that song, "If I was a boy". When that came out, I was like, a boy would first of all not sing a song like that.

Now what would I do if I was a girl?
1. Nag my boyfriend.
2. Fake a headache or orgasm.
3. Admire myself in the mirror (wait a minute, I still do that as a boy).
4. Go to a women's bathroom and listen in on just exactly what women say behind closed doors!
5. Choose a day when I was not having period (I know period is a bitch).
6. Pray hard that if I were a girl I don't look like me as a boy.
7. Would not want to go through a childbirth (which again can be a bitch) but maybe experience pregnancy (i.e. have baby kicking in me).
8. Definitely not be a housewife for that day.
9. Likely get a manicure, pedicure, hair done and go for a girls night out.
10. I would go watch a real girly flick and see if my emotions are different watching a girly flick.
11. I would likely not sing songs like this though although it is funny:

Being a girl can be quite difficult even for a simple act like peeing, so I am quite glad I am not a girl. I am quite happy being me.

Take care and be well.

Monday, November 15, 2010

If I was a car

If I was a car, I will not be a ...
  1. Ford - Found on road dead
  2. Ford - Fix or repair daily
  3. Pontiac - Poor old numbskull thought it was a Cadillac
  4. BMW - Bastard Man's Wheels
  5. BMW - Bastard Man's whore
  6. Acura - Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
  7. Audi - All Unnecessary Devices Installed
  8. Buick - Big Ugly Imitation Chrome King
  9. Chevrolet - Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
  10. Dodge - Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
  11. Fiat - Found In A Toilet
  12. GM - Greatest Mistake
  13. Honda - How Odd, No Darn Acceleration?
  14. Hyundai - Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...
  15. Jeep - Just Empty Every Pocket
  16. Kia - Kick It Again
  17. Lotus - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious
  18. Oldsmobile - Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment
  19. Pinto - Put In Nickel To Operate
  20. Porshe - Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
  21. Plymouth - Please Leave Your Money Out Under The Hood
  22. Saab - Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
  23. Subaru - Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually
  24. Toyota - The One You Ought To Avoid
  25. Volvo - Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
  26. VW - Virtually Worthless
  27. Perodua - Pre Existing Road Object Damn Useless Always

and last but not least....... (drum roll please)

Proton - Prehistorical Research On Technology Of Nothing so Please Run Over This Old Nuisance.

Thank God I am not and car and that is why I drive a Land Rover ;)

Take care and be well.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

If I was a bachelor boy

Ok, so here goes.

I recently spoke to a friend of mine who said my blogs are getting a little serious. "Are you depressed? No will to live?" he asked jocularly as we both laughed out loud.

So, now, I heard this song a long long time ago and I cannot remember all the lines of the song but this singer sang this funny lewd song about who he would marry if he was a bachelor boy.

As mentioned above, it's funny and lewd, therefore the lyrics below are a little off taste but hey, it's just for the fun of it. So don;t take it personally or anything.

Now, can you think of whose else daughter you would marry if you were a bachelor boy? Send me comments like my Jin blog which some idiots also found not tasteful but most people just had a good laugh. So here goes, if I were a bachelor boy ....

If I were a bachelor boy, I would marry an ice-cream man's daughter, cause she can lick and I can lick and we can lick together.

If I was a bachelor boy, I would marry and carpenter's daughter, cause she can hammer and I can hammer and we can hammer together.

If I were a bachelor boy, I would marry an electrician's daughter, cause she can screw and I can screw and we can screw together.

If I was a bachelor boy, I would marry a plumber's daughter, cause she can plunge and I can plunge and we can plunge together.

If I was a bachelor boy, I would marry a police man's daughter, cause she can bang and I can bang and we can bang together.

If I was a bachelor boy, I would marry an orange seller's daughter, cause she can suck and I can suck and we can suck together.

If I was a bachelor boy, I would marry a dancer's daughter, cause she can shake and I can shake and we can shake together.

If I was a bachelor boy, I would marry a milkman's daughter, cause she can milk and I can milk and we can milk together.

If I was a bachelor boy, I would marry a farmer's daughter, cause she can plough and I can plough and we can plough together.

But I am not a bachelor boy and happily married and just happy being me.

Take care and be well.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

If I was Time

If I was Time, I'd be like the Bob Dylan song below and I will be changing. I particularly like the verse:
Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don’t criticize
What you can’t understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is rapidly agin’
Please get out of the new one if you can’t lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin’

So, if I was time, I'd be like the song below and I'd be changing.

Come gather ’round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You’ll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you is worth savin’
Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin’

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won’t come again
And don’t speak too soon
For the wheel’s still in spin
And there’s no tellin’ who that it’s namin’
For the loser now will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin’

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don’t stand in the doorway
Don’t block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There’s a battle outside and it is ragin’
It’ll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin’

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don’t criticize
What you can’t understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is rapidly agin’
Please get out of the new one if you can’t lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin’

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is rapidly fadin’
And the first one now will later be last
For the times they are a-changin’

But I am not Time, and I am me, but as the times, they are a-changin', so am I, I am also changin'.

Take care and be well.

Friday, November 5, 2010

If I was a Festival

If I was a festival, I would be every festival and celebration in the world.

What more to celebrate diversity and different culture and religions via various festivals throughout Malaysia and the world.

We celebrate pretty much all the festivals under the sun but through the years it seems like this particular celebration has become quiet.

So, on this auspicious festival of lights,

Dewali or Deepawali, both the same,

Let the glow of joy, prosperity and happiness...

Illuminate your days in the year ahead

Happy Dewali to all in the world, let the light shine within.

But I am not a festival and I am happy being me

Take care and be well.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

If I was a dog

If I was a dog, I will be no other than my faithful little lamb of a dog Al E.

Al E has taught me a lot of things in life but most of all is unconditional love.

The only other that is capable of that is God.

No wonder a dog was named by just reversing God to Dog.

A friend once send me this:
The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
A dog's parents never visit.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

Of course, he send this as a joke comparing his dog with his wife or girlfriend.

Setting jokes aside, Al E is one little fella that is always there and ever ready to play, to give you licks, to jump on you even if you were only away for a few minutes, to go for a walk, to play coconut football or any ball for the matter.

He has seriously brought so much of joy in life that is sometimes mundane, boring, stressful.

So, yah, if I was a dog, I don't want to be Lassie, or Rin Tin Tin, or Marley, or Snoopy, or Odie, or Fang, or Hooch, or Toto, or Beethoven, or Frank, or Scooby, or Dino (technically not a dog), or Cosmo.

I just want to be Al E Baba (Albert Einstein Baba Black Sheep) if I was a dog.

But I am not a dog and I am happy being me.

Take care and be well.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

If I was a restaurant

If I was a restaurant, I would like to be Ku De Ta in Bali or the simple Bangkok Lane Mamak Mee Goreng stall in Penang.

The Mamak Mee Goreng is something I grew up with and something I have to eat every time I go to Penang. It is to die for.

Ku De Ta is just this really classy and nice and expensive restaurant in Bali just next to The Oberoi Hotel.

The atmosphere is wonderful and the Lychee Rose Martini is to die for as well.

If I had a choice, I would like to have the Ku De Ta atmosphere and lychee rose martini and eat a Bangkok Lane Mamak Mee.

Among the elite restaurants listed below, I have been to Iggy in Singapore, Mozaic and Ku De Ta in Bali as well as Cilantro in KL. But I would one day like to go to Mumbai restaurant Dum Pukht (mainly because of how the name sounds in English).

Singapore, Hong Kong restaurants best in Asia
AFP - Thursday, October 21
Singapore and Hong Kong dominated a list of Asia's best restaurants, but Malaysia made it into the elite ranks for the first time, an annual survey showed.

Singapore restaurant Iggy's moved to the top spot from being number two last year, according to this year's ranking of Asia's top 20 restaurants by The Miele Guide.

L'Atelier de Joel Robuchon in Hong Kong slid to second place from being number one last year.
Six restaurants in Hong Kong were on the list, five from Singapore, there were two each from Indonesia and India and one each from Macau, Beijing, Malaysia, the Philippines and Japan.

Malaysia made it onto the list for the first time when Cilantro Restaurant and Wine Bar in Kuala Lumpur came in at number eight.

The Miele Guide said in a press statement that Cilantro's debut in the top 20 list proves "that Malaysia should be celebrated for more than just its hawker cuisine".

Another newcomer was Dum Pukht in Mumbai at number 17. It joins Bukhara in New Delhi which slipped to 14th place from 11th place last year as the only two Indian restaurants on the list.

The other newcomers are Zuma and Bo Innovation in Hong Kong at seventh and 19th place, respectively, and Tippling Club in Singapore at 15th place.

Antonio's was the only restaurant from the Philippines to make it onto the list, rising to 5th place this year from 17th place last year.

Mozaic in Bali remained in 6th place, but Ku De Ta also in Bali fell to 18th place from number 9.
Beijing Da Dong Roast Duck Restaurant in China rounded out this year's top 20 list, which is based on votes from Asia's most respected restaurant critics and food writers as well as from

The Miele Guide's invited jury.

This year's edition of The Miele Guide features 450 restaurants in 17 countries.

But I am not a restaurant and I am happy being me.

Take care and be well.

Monday, November 1, 2010

If I was a tree

A friend send me this email. Not sure who is the original writer. But the message is wonderful and I thought if I was a tree, I would like to be either of these trees.

But I am not a tree and I am happy being me.

Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said, "Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty."

Then the second tree said, "Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull."

Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me."

After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. When one came to the first tree he said, "This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter" ... and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest.

At the second tree a woodsman said, "This looks like a strong tree, I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.

When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the woodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from my tree so I'll take this one", and he cut it down.

When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for. The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end. The third tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark. The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams.

Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time. Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and he stood and said "Peace" and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat.

Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.

The moral of this story is that when things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, He will give you great gifts. Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined. We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.

But I am not a tree and I am happy being me.

Take care and be well.