Nil's Musings

Pointy Haired Bosses and such...

2012-01-25T23:11:00.001+08:00

I seriously think that Scott Adams or Dilbert or some Scott Adams spy is working in the company I work in.

I joined this place in Sep 2007 and while I am all for rapid changes and movement and progression, I have physically changed roles 3 times in 4 years and now time again to change again.

In Sep 2007, I started as a PM and quite liked it, or else I would not have left my previous companies.

I had a friend who rightfully used to tell people off when they said their previous company was better. "Wah, your previous company so good, why did you leave? Either you were fired or you were lousy," he would ask them with a quizzical look which often left the other party flabbergasted.

But that is true, why would you go to your new job and keep comparing to your old one? Many people do that. But why do they leave in the 1st place.

In mid 2008, I was moved to a Programme Manager role in which I truly thrived and performed well for the next 1.5 years before another change came into play in end of 2009.

So, in 2010, I was yet in another role, as a Service Manager. A role that did not quite suite me plus it is always difficult when you have a mediocre supervisor. The excellent coaching I had in the last 2.5 years just poofed and disappeared and we were all running about in this newly set up department like chickens without a head.

Nevertheless, I did the best and even took on additional things. Despite all these, efforts were nought and many wasted.

I sincerely feel I have wasted 2 years in my career, I learned things yes, but I am stuck.

So, since I am stuck, do I make a career change or do I make a job change.

There is a big difference there that many do not realise nor accept. I have, in this lifetime, since I started working in 1991, had 8.5 companies that I worked for but seriously only 3 career changes that were drastic enough. (0.5 because I worked as a contract while being full time employed - one of those deals)

A career change, to me is a change that is drastic enough that it is totally something else from what you have been doing. For me, the changes were from being a journalist (2 companies) to a manufacturing supervisor (2 companies) to Information Technology (4.5 companies).

I have been in IT proper since 2000, but started in dabbling in 1998. That is nearly 14 years in one field and in all honesty, I do not know if I am ready to move on. I have been a project manager, a program manager, a technical manager, a requirements analyst, a business systems consultant, a business development manager and a service manager - one fancy title after another.

However, in all honesty, sometimes I feel a need to change. Maybe not just yet, but maybe next 3-5 years.

I came across this article that I shared on my Facebook and I really like it. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/holly-robinson/quitting-your-job_b_1211880.html

Jobs are like college courses. Each one you take teaches you a set of new skills and offers a fresh perspective on life. They aren't meant to be permanent, most of them. They are only stepping stones.

In my daughter's case, the barista job led her to have enough free hours to do what she really loves: draw comics. She's thinking about publishing her comics online. In her free time, she also happened to stop by a new gourmet cupcake store, where she chatted with the enthusiastic owner and was hired to decorate cupcakes and work the counter. Again, it's not much money, but combined with the coffee place, it's enough for her to scrape by. Meanwhile, she has moved out of Oakland and into an affordable room in a house near the beach in Santa Cruz. She's happily experimenting with cupcake flavors and thinking about helping this new business owner with social media and marketing. She is learning something new every day. Life is good.

When you quit a job, any job, it can be terrifying. But it's also exhilarating, as you open yourself to new possibilities. So go ahead. Take the risk. Quit that job, if you hate it. You might surprise yourself.

Perhaps one day you will walk into a nice chic restaurant somewhere in KL and do not be surprised if you see me as the chef cooking up your meal. Be sure to have dessert cause that surely would have been made by my wifey.

Take care and be well.

So beaten and so battered

2012-01-24T23:11:00.003+08:00

Look at this face
I know the years are showin’
Look at this life
I still don’t know where it’s goin’
Look at these eyes
They never seen what mattered
Look at these dreams
So beaten and so battered,
So many questions
Still left unanswered
So much
I’ve never broken through
Look at this man
So blessed with inspiration
Look at this soul
Still searching for salvation

I don’t know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

But is it truly
All I need to know, God?

Sometimes when I do not know what to write, I find some lyrics that writes what I need to express. I may be down, but I am never out. I will just have to get up and move on, move forward.

Take care and be well.

Note: Lyrics above taken from a song titled I don't know much, but I know I love you.

What are rights of other Earthlings

2012-01-11T01:11:00.000+08:00

Earthling (noun) - an inhabitant of the earth.

Nature, Animal and Humankind.

Make the connection.

I have been a vegetarian all my life, mostly. I may have intentionally or accidentally eaten dead animals. As a vegetarian, I eat dead plants, for my sustenance.

I was born a vegetarian, all my ancestors have been vegetarian as far as I am aware.

However, I am not a vegetarian because of religious reasons.

I am a vegetarian because of ethical and to some extent, environmental reasons.

Recently, Mark Zuckerberg, from what I read, changed his diet. He is mostly vegetarian and only eats animals that he kills with his own hands.

It is not easy. I personally could not kill an animal to eat it, thus, I rather remain a vegetarian.

The environmentalist also claim that vegetarians have a smaller carbon footprint, so I guess inevitably, I am also doing the earth some good.

I have watched the video below a few times already. First, when "Datuk YB" lend it to me and a few times from the website. It is a 90 plus minute video and many people cringe to watch even 15-30 minutes of it.

I would say that I will not recommend it to anyone below 15 although kids are growing up fast nowadays.

Find sometime and watch it, however long you can, and be more aware of rights of other living things on the earth.

Take care and be well.

Know your rights as a Human

2012-01-10T23:11:00.002+08:00

Below is a nice video on Human Rights that should be shared with as many people as possible.

Following is the complete United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Can anyone name me any country in the world that follows this beyond any reasonable doubts? Surely not USA and surely not Malaysia and if some kiasu Singaporean says the little island country does, let me give him 2 tight slaps in advance.

PREAMBLE

Whereas recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world,

Whereas disregard and contempt for human rights have resulted in barbarous acts which have outraged the conscience of mankind, and the advent of a world in which human beings shall enjoy freedom of speech and belief and freedom from fear and want has been proclaimed as the highest aspiration of the common people,

Whereas it is essential, if man is not to be compelled to have recourse, as a last resort, to rebellion against tyranny and oppression, that human rights should be protected by the rule of law,

Whereas it is essential to promote the development of friendly relations between nations,

Whereas the peoples of the United Nations have in the Charter reaffirmed their faith in fundamental human rights, in the dignity and worth of the human person and in the equal rights of men and women and have determined to promote social progress and better standards of life in larger freedom,

Whereas Member States have pledged themselves to achieve, in co-operation with the United Nations, the promotion of universal respect for and observance of human rights and fundamental freedoms,

Whereas a common understanding of these rights and freedoms is of the greatest importance for the full realization of this pledge,

Now, Therefore THE GENERAL ASSEMBLY proclaims THIS UNIVERSAL DECLARATION OF HUMAN RIGHTS as a common standard of achievement for all peoples and all nations, to the end that every individual and every organ of society, keeping this Declaration constantly in mind, shall strive by teaching and education to promote respect for these rights and freedoms and by progressive measures, national and international, to secure their universal and effective recognition and observance, both among the peoples of Member States themselves and among the peoples of territories under their jurisdiction.

Article 1.
All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

Article 2.
Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other limitation of sovereignty.

Article 3.
Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person.

Article 4.
No one shall be held in slavery or servitude; slavery and the slave trade shall be prohibited in all their forms.

Article 5.
No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.

Article 6.
Everyone has the right to recognition everywhere as a person before the law.

Article 7.
All are equal before the law and are entitled without any discrimination to equal protection of the law. All are entitled to equal protection against any discrimination in violation of this Declaration and against any incitement to such discrimination.

Article 8.
Everyone has the right to an effective remedy by the competent national tribunals for acts violating the fundamental rights granted him by the constitution or by law.

Article 9.
No one shall be subjected to arbitrary arrest, detention or exile.

Article 10.
Everyone is entitled in full equality to a fair and public hearing by an independent and impartial tribunal, in the determination of his rights and obligations and of any criminal charge against him.

Article 11.
(1) Everyone charged with a penal offence has the right to be presumed innocent until proved guilty according to law in a public trial at which he has had all the guarantees necessary for his defence.
(2) No one shall be held guilty of any penal offence on account of any act or omission which did not constitute a penal offence, under national or international law, at the time when it was committed. Nor shall a heavier penalty be imposed than the one that was applicable at the time the penal offence was committed.

Article 12.
No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honour and reputation. Everyone has the right to the protection of the law against such interference or attacks.

Article 13.
(1) Everyone has the right to freedom of movement and residence within the borders of each state.
(2) Everyone has the right to leave any country, including his own, and to return to his country.

Article 14.
(1) Everyone has the right to seek and to enjoy in other countries asylum from persecution.
(2) This right may not be invoked in the case of prosecutions genuinely arising from non-political crimes or from acts contrary to the purposes and principles of the United Nations.

Article 15.
(1) Everyone has the right to a nationality.
(2) No one shall be arbitrarily deprived of his nationality nor denied the right to change his nationality.

Article 16.
(1) Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution.
(2) Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses.
(3) The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State.

Article 17.
(1) Everyone has the right to own property alone as well as in association with others.
(2) No one shall be arbitrarily deprived of his property.

Article 18.
Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance.

Article 19.
Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.

Article 20.
(1) Everyone has the right to freedom of peaceful assembly and association.
(2) No one may be compelled to belong to an association.

Article 21.
(1) Everyone has the right to take part in the government of his country, directly or through freely chosen representatives.
(2) Everyone has the right of equal access to public service in his country.
(3) The will of the people shall be the basis of the authority of government; this will shall be expressed in periodic and genuine elections which shall be by universal and equal suffrage and shall be held by secret vote or by equivalent free voting procedures.

Article 22.
Everyone, as a member of society, has the right to social security and is entitled to realization, through national effort and international co-operation and in accordance with the organization and resources of each State, of the economic, social and cultural rights indispensable for his dignity and the free development of his personality.

Article 23.
(1) Everyone has the right to work, to free choice of employment, to just and favourable conditions of work and to protection against unemployment.
(2) Everyone, without any discrimination, has the right to equal pay for equal work.
(3) Everyone who works has the right to just and favourable remuneration ensuring for himself and his family an existence worthy of human dignity, and supplemented, if necessary, by other means of social protection.
(4) Everyone has the right to form and to join trade unions for the protection of his interests.

Article 24.
Everyone has the right to rest and leisure, including reasonable limitation of working hours and periodic holidays with pay.

Article 25.
(1) Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control.
(2) Motherhood and childhood are entitled to special care and assistance. All children, whether born in or out of wedlock, shall enjoy the same social protection.

Article 26.
(1) Everyone has the right to education. Education shall be free, at least in the elementary and fundamental stages. Elementary education shall be compulsory. Technical and professional education shall be made generally available and higher education shall be equally accessible to all on the basis of merit.
(2) Education shall be directed to the full development of the human personality and to the strengthening of respect for human rights and fundamental freedoms. It shall promote understanding, tolerance and friendship among all nations, racial or religious groups, and shall further the activities of the United Nations for the maintenance of peace.
(3) Parents have a prior right to choose the kind of education that shall be given to their children.

Article 27.
(1) Everyone has the right freely to participate in the cultural life of the community, to enjoy the arts and to share in scientific advancement and its benefits.
(2) Everyone has the right to the protection of the moral and material interests resulting from any scientific, literary or artistic production of which he is the author.

Article 28.
Everyone is entitled to a social and international order in which the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration can be fully realized.

Article 29.
(1) Everyone has duties to the community in which alone the free and full development of his personality is possible.
(2) In the exercise of his rights and freedoms, everyone shall be subject only to such limitations as are determined by law solely for the purpose of securing due recognition and respect for the rights and freedoms of others and of meeting the just requirements of morality, public order and the general welfare in a democratic society.
(3) These rights and freedoms may in no case be exercised contrary to the purposes and principles of the United Nations.

Article 30.
Nothing in this Declaration may be interpreted as implying for any State, group or person any right to engage in any activity or to perform any act aimed at the destruction of any of the rights and freedoms set forth herein.

Now that you know your rights as a human, think about rights of other earthlings, other living things of this earth.

Take care and be well.

Pot and Kettle

2012-01-09T04:44:00.003+08:00

"Before the throne if the Almighty, man will be judged not by his acts but by his intentions. For God alone reads our hearts" - Mahatma Gandhi

Quite often the Pot likes to call the Kettle black.

Yes, today was the so called Big Judgement Day in Malaysia, the so called verdict against Anwar and the big rallies and all the hullabaloo parades and marches.

This blog is not about politics, not about Malaysia, not about Anwar who was found not guilty if you have been living under a rock or overseas and don't give a shit who Anwar is.... which neither do I.

This blog is about the pot and the kettle, about you and me.

My guardians constantly tell me that I have to be patient and I have to be compassionate and I have to be grateful and I have to show love. I have to do this no matter what people say and people do. Yes, let them judge me but I shall not feel hate for them.

But it does still upset me when the pot calls the kettle black.

When someone picks or judges me without really knowing me or finding out the truth. When someone makes an assumption and judgement based on heresy from what they heard from another person.

Gandhi made the quote above, "Before the throne if the Almighty, man will be judged not by his acts but by his intentions. For God alone reads our hearts."

Do you really believe this? Do I?

Let's assume there is Almighty for once. I know I have a number of atheist friends that do not believe in Almighty, but let's leave that aside for a discussion some other time.

Man will be judged by his intentions and not actions? So, I can kill a hundred but not have the intention or have a good intention to kill a hundred people and it is fine?

Sounds crazy?

This is called war. Iraq, Afghanistan, WW1, WW2, Vietnam, Korea .... name it. Hundred of people are killed for so called good intentions, to overcome a tyrant, to kill a tyrant, blah blah blah.

Everyone may have good intentions and still do bad actions.

For Hitler, he was doing something crazy with "good intentions" in his crazy little mind. So was George Bush when he attacked Iraq and Afghanistan.

My school headmaster who was a Catholic Jesuit brother plus the discipline teachers used to cane problem students in their backsides so hard that some could not sit for days. The intentions were to make them better students. Good intentions, bad actions but okay in eyes of God?

So, for me, actions are as important as intentions when being judged.

So, why do people like to judge one another?

I have people who barely know me think that perhaps I drink too much. I honestly have no freaking idea where and how they make that impression without really understanding the life I lead or how much I drink on a daily basis.

But then again, maybe they are right cause I do drink 4-5 litres a day, perhaps that is drinking too much ... water that is.

As for alcohol, I personally know people who drink socially a lot more than I do but hey, who am I to judge them.

Also other habits. Some say this and that without rarely knowing what this or that is, but they are quick to pass a judgement. Everyone is bloody opinionated. Everyone is very vocal. But I guess this is the information age, everyone feels it is their right to do so.

Nevertheless, I am happy that my loved ones close to me like wifey, Al E and dad and a few close friends do not judge me for who I am, imperfect as I may be, I still am me, I am who I am. I am not going to justify my habits, good or bad to you nor do I expect anything in return.

And I forgive the pot or the kettle, I forgive you for judging me but f... off and let me lead my life the way I see fit and you enjoy your life. I know God will forgive me.

Have a wonderful life, pots, kettles, whatever you may be, black, white, purple, yellow, brown, it matters not.

Take care and be well.

Then and Now

2012-01-05T05:55:00.002+08:00

Today is going to be a blog of pictures. Not much words as the pictures say it all.

I always liked John Lennon, he may be a commie, but hey, I want to be happy and since young, I think I understood life was about happiness and if I was happy, God would grant me anything that I so desired.

The picture above says it all. Nowadays, everything is done on the computer. At work, I no longer have a desk phone as all my calls are now made through the computer.

When I was young, I would always be playing outdoors. In the rain or hot sun and never got sick. Now I make a million excuses just to exercise.

I had a study table and a bed in my bedroom with mostly school books and an Encyclopedia Britannica. No computers, no Internet existed and no television. So, going to room was a punishment. Now, it is more a reward as more and more kids hate to spent time on the dining table having a family meal together.

Sad but true. We have so many Facebook friends that sometimes we just do not spend enough time with real friends.

Go Google it. Google is not just a search engine anymore but it is a verb.

The 1st scene was so common during my time. Our parents used to go to our teachers and support the teachers to punish us if we were naughty or did not pay attention. Now, we have become the parents and blaming the teachers for everything. Look at home, change your attitude and support the teachers out there, they are doing what they can within their means. Yes, not all are great but still, stop complaining and start helping the teachers.

My first TV was a 12 inch CRT (Cathode Ray Tube) and now I have a 42 inch LED. My waist when I had a 12 inch CRT was 26 inches, now, 35 inches.

Above is me now, 29 December 2011. Below is me then, likely aged 15, Form 3, so, circa November 1984.

Times may have changed, but some things remain the same. My eyes have been the same since I was born cause eyes do not grow in size. My heart has always also been the same, filled with love and passion but also sometimes anger against cruelty and horrible human beings.

Take care and be well.

Economics for Dummies

2012-01-04T05:25:00.002+08:00

Calvin must have been to Malaysia and visited out Government.

When the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great. But when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

An economics professor never failed a single student before, but recently failed an entire class.

That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.

The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism".

All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade soon one will fail and no one will receive an A. (Substituting grades for dollars - something more readily understood by all.)

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B.

The students who studied hard were upset. The students who studied little were happy.

As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less. The ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too, so they studied little.

The second test average was a D! No one was happy.

When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering and blame resulted in hard feelings.

No one would study for the benefit of anyone else. To their great surprise, ALL FAILED.

The professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great.

But when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed. It could not be any simpler than that.

These are the 5 best sentences you'll ever read and applicable to this experiment:

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for, without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

5. When half of the people get the idea that, they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Sounds familiar?

So how many percent of us pay taxes in Malaysia which is being used for all the wonderful projects like National Feedlot crap ~ the cows coming out from there must be more expensive than Wagyu or Kobe beef because of the luxury apartments the cows graze in.

How much is our defense ministry been spending for a country that is relatively peaceful? I guess to wage war against it's own citizens for peaceful protests.

How much did that ring cost again?

Sigh, Malaysia, TanahAir Ku. I love it enough to want to change it for the better but do you? Does others, do our politicians, do our teachers and businessmen, do our schools and Universities?

Take care and be well.

Resolution

2012-01-03T12:37:00.000+08:00

Resolution

audio

a measure of digital audio quality

Resolution

logic

a rule of inference used for automated theorem proving

Resolution

law

a written motion adopted by a deliberative body

Resolution

debate

the statement which is debated in policy debate

Resolution

music

a technique in music theory

Resolution

meter

the replacement of one longum with two brevia

I do not make new year resolutions. I do not resolve to do anything. However, these are my new year wishes and hopes:

1. I wish I will get role, work-wise, that I truly thrive in and enjoy doing.
2. I hope that I will get the salary according to the job I have been doing (the last 2 years, I have not been getting so).
3. I wish I will not have to work late and long hours very frequently as I did in the last 3 months.
4. I hope that I will have enough money to pay off debts and some more to finally have a nice break.
5. I wish that this year will be a better year for me in terms of growth in spirituality.
6. I hope that I will enjoy doing stuff again rather than just going through the motions to complete a task.
7. I wish that I can visit Cuba or Argentina.
8. I hope that I am able to continue to make an impact in other people's lives.
9. I wish that I will have less worries financially, emotionally, spiritually, personally.
10. I hope that I will not cause stress to the ones I love.
11. I wish that wifey, daddy and Al E will be healthy, well, as well as wealthy.
12. I hope that I am able to show more peace, love and compassion to everyone that I meet.

12 hopes and wishes for this 12th year in the new millennium.

A spiritual awakening or the end of the world?

May we be blessed and may we rise to what we are meant to be.

Take care and be well.

Bethlehemenian Rhapsody

2011-12-15T17:33:00.001+08:00

10 days before Chirstmas.

Perfect to listen to some different types of Christmas song.

How about this take on Queens Bohemian Rhapsody? I quite like it.

Take care and be well.

Creative and Knowledgeable Nation

2011-12-13T14:49:00.000+08:00

In Malaysia, we have many creative and inventive people.

Unfortunately, our wonderful inventors will never be known throughout the world for a good thing.

The sun is a wondrous thing. It provides energy, light but be careful, it can burn you too. We have solar powered Bible's being used to convert the Muslims.

We have wonderful magicians, who make USD24 million dollar rings appear and disappear.

We also have submarines that can dive into the water, we paid a lot for it but it's amazing that when they first came, they were just ships, as they could not submerge.

We also have boys who are sodomised without being penetrated.

Then we have all the creative people who take a huge interest free loan to set up a farm but end up buying condominiums in Bangsar. I wonder what type of cows they are milking in the condo's.

As for our inventors, we have created devices that can detect whether there is a laptop in your booth so that they can steal it.

We also have these dvd sellers who have a wonderful distribution system, but also 100% clear copies of movies available before it is even released in Malaysia.

These same dvd fellas have also created a copy device that can copy thousands of dvd's simultaneously. And be sure to buy the gold disc original and not the purple disc, ok?

We also have lousy thieves, so unlike the professional thieves who pickpocket, we have people who will snatch and drag until they get what they want.

Now we also have axe wielding thieves to break through your car windshield as you are driving to steal your bags that you leave on your seat.

In Malaysia, we also have all types of traditions and medicines that can cure virtually anything and everything even diseases that do not exist yet.

Also, we got LRT's in Malacca that would stop on it's own to allow tourists to admire the historical town as they are trapped within for few hours.

And we spend millions of dollars in a SMART tunnel to elevate the flooding problem in the city but hey, the tunnel does not cater for flash floods ok, only normal predictable floods.

In this wonderful country of ours, I still can buy 50cents roti canai when the rest of the shops sell it for 1 ringgit.

Also, we have cooking oil that comes in plastic bags that apparently can only be used once but people reuse until it is as black as engine oil after 20,000 kms.

There are some truly wonderful things in Malaysia that I can write and write forever. Gotta be proud to be a Malaysian.

Take care and be well

Wow ... where have you been lately?

2011-12-08T08:57:00.000+08:00

Wow, just realised I have not written for a while.

There is so much to write and yet sometimes not enough for us to share it with others, the public.

A lot of interesting things have happenned this year.

A lot of activity.

A lot of work.

A lot of life lived.

Perhaps it has come time for me to start writing again.

Perhaps maybe just other more improtant things that have occupied my time.

But even not so important things, like working too hard.

I am looking forward to a new day, a new dawn but then again, I live for today, do what I need to and trust that God and Universe will take care.

I hope I will be able to write more, maybe I will write some light hearted stuff, post some poems and songs.

Take care and be well.

It's who I am

2011-11-10T22:09:00.002+08:00

I really enjoyed the movie Secretariat. It's about a champion horse that was never considered a winner but won the Triple Crown and his margin of victory in the Belmont some 37 years ago still has not been beaten.

I really enjoyed the theme song from the movie as well. Really resonates with me. It is who you are. And it is who I am. It's who I am.

It's not the price
It's not the game
It's not the score
It's not the fame
Whatever road looks way too far
It's not what you have
It's who you are

It's not how fast
It's not how far
It's not of cheers
It's who you are

In darkest night
You make your sun
You choose your race
And then you run

It's never the glory
It's never the score
It's not about seeing about who's less and who's more
Cuz when you find out how fast and how far
You'll know it's not how much you have
It's who you are

You lose the moon
Then be a star
It's not too soon
Be who you are
Whatever road looks way too far
It's not what you have
It's who you are

It's never the glory
It's never the score
It's not seeing about seeing
Who's less and who's more
Cuz when you find out how fast and how far
You'll know it's not how much you have
It's who you are

When you have found
How fast you can run
Then you have found
Your place in the sun,
It won't be just you that you'll find
Has made the run and the climb
It's everyone

It's never the glory
It's never the score
It's not seeing about seeing
Who's less and who's more
Cuz when you find out how fast and how far
you'll know it's not how much you have
It's who you are
It's who you are

Learning to bend and not to break
Living to give more than you take
Dying to live
Living to try
Feet on the ground
Dreams in the sky

It's never how much you have
It's who you are

Take care and be well.

Animals and Plants on Facebook

2011-11-08T00:41:00.001+08:00

Saw this posting in a friend's Facebook profile and considering my furry boy has a Facebook, I thought it was awfully funny. If animals have Facebook, these are most likely to be their Status Updates. I added on some to what was already there ... so feel free to add more.

Cockroach : Managed to skip from some one’s foot step. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle.

Cow : Huh! They are touching my breast again..what they think I am? Bitch!

Mosquito : I am HIV positive this is all due to wrong sucking!

Chicken : If tomorrow I am not updating my status, means I am being served at KFC. Love you...all.

Octopus : I have just refilled my ink cartridge..hooray!

Octopus: WTF, now they are touching my breast to squeeze my ink out!!!

Cow : Friends, don’t go out, hari raya korban holiday is coming.

Pig writes a comment on Cow’s status : “Luckily I am haram” 4 likes.

Cow replies : "Don’t you remember that after hari raya korban is the Chinese new year."

Cat: I'm just going to lay around and see if I care.

Cat: lick lick lick "What you looking at? Jealous is it?

Dog: wagging tail My master's here, my master's here, hooray.

Cicak/Gecko: Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk

Cicak writes comment on another Cicak's wall who drowned in Bangkok floods: Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk

Birds: Ooh ooh ooh look at that shiny car, I'm gonna mark it with my shit.

Fish in Aquarium: You looking at me? You, you looking at me? Oh what the heck, nothing I can do about it anyways.

Fish is a restaurant aquarium: Owh no, here comes the net again, goodbye world, love always.

Bangsar Rat: Today was a great day, I had some chicken, some roti canai, some thosai, some fish curry, some mutton bones and for dessert, I raided the TMC garbage bins for some durians.

Ants: Ooh ooh, i got no time for Facebook updates, gotta run around aimlessly looking for food, just following orders. Bye.

Trees in Bangsar: Owh no, here comes that dog again, going to pee all over me and shit on my legs. Sheesh.

Trees in Bangsar: Oh no, here comes DBKL, going to bloody chop me down again.

Flowers in my garden: Owh no, here come the birds, always sucking on me? What do I get in return? Oh yeah, off-spring.

Flowers in my garden: Now the bees sucking on me. I must just be a sucker for these animals!!!

I enjoyed this and could probably think of a lot more, but time for me to work. So think of some and post comments.

Take care and be well.

Motivation

2011-11-07T14:25:00.000+08:00

I am not lazy but like the poster says, sometimes I just don't care.

There is so many things to be done and so many things you want to do, but sometimes motivating yourself is not as easy as preaching motivation to others.

And sometimes, after trying to do something, you just loose the motivation and then you just don't care anymore.

Life is easy, it is living that is sometimes challenging.

Yesterday and even today, my day was spent praying, working, meditating, watching television, watching movies and eating.

Seems sometimes a waste of a day, like being lazy. But honestly, I just did not care to do anything else.

Perhaps if you read this, do share with me how you truly motivate yourself to do something.

Take care and be well.

Secure your seatbelts! It's a wild ride but get out while you still can.

2011-11-02T06:46:00.000+08:00

When I did poorly in SPM, I thought there goes my career and hopes of a degree. I wanted to join some vocational/technical school and learn how to be a plumber, electrician or a mechanic. But everyone insisted that I should still pursue my degree which I did. Then I came back and everyone said I should find a job, which I did.

And since then, in the last 20 years, I have been in this rat race. The rat race burrows you deeper and deeper that after about 5 years, it becomes nearly impossible to get out, so imagine trying to get out of the rat race after 20 years. Not impossible, but almost impossible.

I reckon if I was a plumber or electrician or mechanic, I could have been worst off or I could have been better. It's all a choice but at least I could have done something with my hands.

So, when I hear a friend wanting to get out of the rat race and taking steps to do so, I admire their resolve and I wish them success and happiness and I pray for God to show them the way. It takes courage to do so and my hats off to them.

It is scary for them for sure but the cause of doing it and the guidance they have will pull them through this.

Unlike some others who cannot see that they truly have it all but lead a life which even I pity.

You will see a bunch of books addressing humans insecurities especially people like us who are mostly in the Rat Race.

Who moved my cheese?

Does it really matter? Why does it matter where your cheese is? How about trying to eat something else for once?

All the book does is to ask you to remain in the rat race, but think differently. That is utter crap and bullocks.

Some managers are known to mass-distribute copies of the book to employees, some of whom see this as an insult, or an attempt to characterize dissent as not "moving with the cheese". In the corporate environment, management has been known to distribute this book to employees during times of "structural re-organization," or during cost-cutting measures, in an attempt to portray unfavorable or unfair changes in an optimistic or opportunistic way.

There is all the books by Robert Kiyosaki. Rich Dad Poor Dad blah blah blah. Does it teach you anything? How much can you really use? He even has this game called Cashflow 101 which was sent to me. I played it a few times and came out a millionaire, only because it is a glamorised Monopoly. It's a game, real life does not work that way.

John T. Reed, an outspoken critic of Robert Kiyosaki, says, "Rich Dad, Poor Dad contains much wrong advice, much bad advice, some dangerous advice, and virtually no good advice."

He also states, "Rich Dad, Poor Dad is one of the dumbest financial advice books I have ever read. It contains many factual errors and numerous extremely unlikely accounts of events that supposedly occurred."

Slate reviewer Rob Walker called the book full of nonsense, and said that Kiyosaki's claims were often vague, the narrative "fablelike", and that much of the book was "self help boilerplate", noting the predictable common features of such books were present in Rich Dad, Poor Dad. He also criticizes Kiyosaki's conclusions about Americans, American culture, and Kiyosaki's methods.

As for Cashflow 101, there are two stages to the game. In the first, "the rat race", the player aims to raise his or her character's passive income level to where it exceeds the character's expenses. The winner is determined in the second stage, "the fast track". To win, a player must get his or her character to buy their "dream" or accumulate an additional $50,000 in monthly cash flow.

Then there is Fish! A remarkable way to boost morale and improve results. Talks about Play (having fun while working), making people's day, being there for co-workers and choosing your attitude.

Maybe works great for fish mongers in Seattle? In a video on YouTube, "Pike Place Hates FISH! Philosophy", a Pike Place Market employee informs his interviewer that the FISH! philosophy does not represent Pike Place.

"The guys that work here don't actually like the FISH! videos."

The employee states that they "put on a show" for the maker of the FISH! video for three days, and implies it's not possible to work all year round in such a way.

Some employees find these techniques ridiculous and demeaning. They contend that the idea of 'choosing your attitude' is naive and can be alienating for those with mental health problems such as depression, for whom a negative attitude is an affliction rather than a straightforward choice.

Let's try it in a multi-national company, it should boost morale. Right? Easy enough?

To grasp just how presumptuous Fish! really is, just try a thought experiment: imagine management’s reaction if the circumstances were reversed. Imagine the bosses’ reaction if you and your coworkers matter-of-factly announced that, henceforth, you would be working at a slower pace for the same amount of money, or that you would be receiving a higher hourly wage. Imagine telling the boss "you can’t do anything about these changes, but you can choose to have a good attitude about them!" My guess is your boss would demonstrate in short order that he does have control over events, and that it’s not his attitude that has to be adjusted. That’s because, while you may be powerless, your bosses most certainly are not.

I am certain my friends who are taking steps to get out of the rat race are doing so without having read any of the books above or playing any of the games above. They are doing it because they decided collectively to do so because of an inner desire and purpose to do so.

So, if you want to get out of the rat race, you make that decision. Sit down, think about what it entails for you, what steps you need to take to do so, how your lifestyle needs to change etc etc.

The books above will help you absolutely 0%.

As for me, after 20 years in the rat race, I need to to really reevaluate my life and been doing so lately. Not happy? Take action and do something about it and I have started.

Take care and be well.

Crazy veggies

2011-11-01T11:49:00.000+08:00

I recently did not have time to go to the wet market or Tesco to buy my produce, so, I instead went to Village Grocer which forms part of Bangsar Village.

Broccoli was RM26/kg. I have seen it either in Tesco or the Wet Market for between RM15-19/kg.

Australian Celery was RM17/kg when the American ones in the market or Tesco go for RM6-7/kg.

Kailan was RM15/kg.

Local Pumpkin was RM6/kg when it is RM3/kg in Tesco.

Anyway, the point I am getting at is that there are many options.

Things have got really expensive everywhere and I am not saying Tesco or the Wet Markets are the best option for everything.

Many people tell me going to the night market is cheaper but I have found that for some fruits the night markets are not that cheap either.

Some months back, I went to Kepong wet market but while things there are somewhat cheaper, it is hard to get too, hard to park and hard to find for an outsider.

How about Selayang Wet Market - to be honest, I have not been there in ages, years but I reckon it is reasonably priced.

So, my haunts are either Tesco, Taman Tun wet market or in a rare ocassion Village Grocer or Cold Storage. I cannot find any chicken breast that is clean enough apart from village grocer, so I bite the bullet and pay the slightly higher price. In Tesco, the meat and chicken and fish section is just too unsightly and messy.

Anyways, recently, wifey read an article in the Star about organic vegetables. We normally have been avoiding them because of the expense but every now and then, she would buy some from this place in Centerpoint in Bandar Utama.

The article said that this place called the Little Green Planet delivered organic vegetables to you home once a week for a monthly commitment of RM160. Which means a weeks supply of vegetables for RM40 a week.

For vegetarians like us, it is not enough for a weeks supply, but definitely quite reasonably priced for RM40. The picture above is what is delivered this week. You have the option for choosing Chinese style vegetables, Western style or a combination (which is what we chose).

For people who eat meat, fish, poultry - the supply is more than sufficient for the whole week for a family of 2-3. They have another larger package for RM60 or RM70 for family of 5.

The link of the Little Green Planet is provided above for you to check it out.

The vegetables provided last week were tasty and the free range chicken eggs were also very nice.

I am not really trying to give a marketing write-up for them but just letting you readers know that there are options available out there, not just in my hometown, but in your towns and cities.

We do not have to keep going to the Village Grocers that charge the price of Beverly Hills. We all have the options.

And perhaps, this has opened my eyes to eating organic - not because it is healthier or because of the environment - but because in this economy, price does matter.

Take care and be well.

Don't let it go to waste

2011-10-31T06:06:00.001+08:00

This is my 817th blog, I expected I would have written 1000 blog posts but this is not to be because of my shift in focus the last few months.

I still continue writing because I like too but I am also busy in the midst of work and other priorities in life have take more of a center stage that has taken my time and thus inability to write a blog as frequent as I used too.

I am also writing short stories which I would eventually like to publish but this is on a different schedule.

Nevertheless, when I look back at 3 plus years of blogging, I am somewhat pleased at the increased readership especially this year.

The following are the ten of my most read blogs. Perhaps there may be some error in the way it is calculated as some of them certainly would have more viewers but not a unique click and not measured in the system. I am surprised what some readers find interesting but I guess everyone likes a different thing.

Do you feel clearly, do you see clearly, do you hear clearly? Apr 19, 2011, 1 comment 3,918 Pageviews
It's tool time; what type of a tool are you? Jan 14, 2011, 3 comments 3,469 Pageviews
El Nino and La Nina, for the 600th time already Aug 20, 2010, 1 comment 3,407 Pageviews
Power of visualisation Apr 11, 2011 2,440 Pageviews
Ho'oponopono - I'm sorry, Please forgive me, I love you and I thank you Feb 6, 2011, 6 comments 1,453 Pageviews
A hot summer day Jun 26, 2011, 1 comment 1,371 Pageviews
Auld lang syne Dec 31, 2010, 5 comments 841 Pageviews
Experiencing a Personal Miracle Jan 23, 2011, 3 comments 776 Pageviews
Relaxing the body and stilling the mind Apr 17, 2011 768 Pageviews
Sejuk Giler Sunday Feb 1, 2009, 2 comments 711 Pageviews

I do not receive many comments on the blogs I post, sometimes 1 or 2 at most. But 3 blogs received somewhat more of a response, like the 3 below:

If I were a girl - 11 comments
People are people - 11 comments
London, London - 9 comments

Some months my blogs have had a theme and direction and many times it is just my musings, my problems, my life, my thoughts.

Today is Halloween, and my thoughts are all on the ghosts roaming around. I would like to ask them what are they doing here? Have they not seen the light? Are they really ghosts or a figment of one's imagination?

I see jins and bunyans and pontianaks and orang minyak and hantu kum kum are very specific to this region like in Indonesia, Thailand and Malaysia. Makes me wonder why they never migrated to Australia or Europe or America like so many Malaysians have.

I think about angels and wonder, aren't they also some form of ghosts or spirits or figments of imagination?

I think of middle earth and wonder whatever happened to the leprechauns and the fairies, are they coming out from middle earth anytime?

I think of the genie in the lamp, what happened after the 3 wishes? Was it set free? Are there other genies in the lamp?

I think of psychics and palm readers and people who see your future. Why are they still going around and making money this way? Why don;t they predict the next big lottery number, win it and retire and enjoy the rest of their lives?

I think about God and the Universal energy and sometimes wonder why we are not created equal. Which one of us are created in his image?

I think about my soul and my body and feels the soul which is the energy is reunited with Universal energy but the body is the one that is eco-friendly as well, recycled, reused and not gone to waste.

My ashes will become fish food and fertilizer for plants and grass which in turn will be eaten by cows and goats.

So one day in the future when I am no longer here, when you have a nice fish head curry, mutton varuvel or a juicy stake - remember, you could be having a piece of me.

Take care and be well.

Character

2011-10-27T00:21:00.000+08:00

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,

because your character is what you are, but your reputation is merely what others think you are.

Do you really care what people perceive of you?

Do you care about your reputation?

Most of us do, although it perhaps we should not, it is not easily done.

Perception is not something easy to wash off. Neither is a reputation.

But in this journey that I am going through, I have started to care less of my reputation - be it good or bad - and not to bothered about people's perception of me.

If people have some areas that I can improve on to make me a better person, a better human, a better soul, so be it. Maybe it works and maybe it does not. Everyone and everything has a journey of their own.

A tree may grow old for hundreds of years and be chopped down to make the dining chair that you may be sitting on now, but such is the journey of the tree.

A cow could be happily be grazing around and be the burger that you eat in a month.

My body will one day be the dust, the earth, the fertilizer for the crass and the trees ... thus, in that sense, one day I will be "eaten" by the cow or the tree or the fishes of the sea.

Until that day come, I am still in this form.

My soul, not I know where it goes.

Energy just converts to another energy form.

My character is all I know and build and live.

Take care and be well.

Deadly Virus Alert

2011-10-24T16:52:00.000+08:00

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).

Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Take care and be well.

What drives your life?

2011-10-20T21:09:00.002+08:00

A friends statement in Facebook read, "These days people are more busy finding parking spots for their car than finding parking spots in people's heart."

To expand this a little, people, including myself - guilty as charged, are busy busy busy. And it is all about me, me, me.

How many take time to just sit quietly every day? Or meditate? Or speak to God or listen to God? Or be one with Universe?

Sorry, I am too busy. No time. We are no longer driven in life by the right things, the things that ought to matter.

In Rick Warren's book The Purpose Driven Life, he starts the book by the biggest and simplest revelation, "IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU!"

So what drives your life?

Many are driven by guilt. They spend their whole lives running away from regrets and hiding their shame. They allow their negative past to control their present and their future.

It took me a while from having the dark knowledge of my past, way way past, lives long gone, to be able to move on in the present.

Many are driven by resentment or anger. They spend their whole life being angry at something or someone and sometimes even at themselves for nothing. People hold on to hurts from the past and never learn to let them go. Eventually this anger and resentment controls them.

Many are driven by fear. We all have some fears but when we are driven by fear, it consumes us.

Many are driven by materialism. Most people driven by material goods will never have the spiritual peace. They are driven to acquire more and more possessions and believe that security can only be found in having more.

Many are driven by need for approval. Many people allow their need for other people’s approval to control their lives. They spend their lives worrying about what others think of them.

There are five main benefits to living a purpose-driven life. They are:

Knowing My Purpose Gives Meaning To My Life - Humans were made to have meaning. Without purpose, life is meaningless. A meaningless life is a life without hope or significance. This is a profound statement and one that everyone should spend time pondering. Universe gives purpose. Purpose gives meaning. Meaning gives hope and significance. There is awesome truth contained within that logic.
Knowing My Purpose Simplifies My Life - My purpose becomes the standard I use to determine which activities are important and which are not. If an activity does not further my purpose it can, and often should, be removed or ignored. My purpose gives me the foundation on which to base decisions and allocate my time and resources.
Knowing My Purpose Focuses My Life - With a determined purpose I can focus my time and energy on what is truly important. Without purpose I may always be getting distracted and changing direction. Focusing on a few things that fulfill my purpose will yield better results than attempting to focus on many things that may not.
Knowing My Purpose Motivates My Life - Purpose produces passion. By knowing my purpose I will be passionate about achieving it.
Knowing My Purpose Prepares Me For Eternity - My time on earth is nothing more than a preparation for eternity. What matters in the end is not whether people remember me after I am gone but what Universe says about my life. Building an eternal legacy is far more important than building an earthly one.

You know, in the book, Warren takes you through a 40-day journey.

In January this year, I talked about a 30-day journey.

Today, I tell you a journey does not require 30 days or 40 days or 100 days. It does not matter how long you remain on the journey.

What is most important is the first step to start a journey. Most people who read this may not even start on their journey, some are already well into their journey. Either way, the most important and critical path of any journey is starting one.

So, come on, do it, take that first step, make that first decision, start your journey.

Take care and be well.

007

2011-10-13T23:33:00.000+08:00

I have seen all James Bond flicks, yes all 22 plus of 1. Why 22 plus 1? Because 22 were official James Bond flicks whereas 1 is not.

Can you guess which one?

Never Say Never Again, 1983 - This movie is included in the James Bond movie list even though it is not counted as an "official" James Bond movie by purists as it was produced by a rival movie company. However, to those of us who just enjoy James Bond films, it's still James Bond 007 and hence its inclusion in the Bond movie list. Sean Connery returned to play James Bond 007 in the movies one more time.

My favorite James Bond until this day is still Sean Connery and I do hope he returns to play a retired 007 some day.

I was a little disappointed when they replaced Pierce Brosnan but Daniel Craig has done quite a decent job although some of his roles were crap.

So, what is new about James Bond?

Well the official 23rd movie and actual 24th James Bond flick is in production. The working title is 23 but they will obviously have some typical James Bond movie title to it soon enough.

Daniel Craig will be back as expected. But what is new is the villain.

Can anyone name me the actors name of a James Bond villain? There have been many memorable ones but none of them were huge actors or big actors. Most of the villains were just method or character actors who always played secondary type roles. None were academy award winners or really famous.
But guess what? That all changes now.

Javier Bardem has officially confirmed that he will be the bad guy in the new James Bond film

Definitely looking forward to Javier playing a villain in a 007 flick and definitely, I will continue seeing James Bond flicks even if they put stiffs like Timothy Dalton in the role.

Will you be looking forward to the next James Bond flick?

Take care and be well.

iLeft, vSad

2011-10-10T20:55:00.001+08:00

So, one of the greatest technoventors of my time is dead at 56. I particularly like the tribute The Star newspaper had, just his picture and the statement, "iLeft, vSad."

Okay, in all honesty, am I sad? Perhaps for the moment I heard the news I was sad and perhaps I feel we have lost one of the greatest techno inventors but then again, everyone will die.

I am in this world for a very limited time as are you. I sympathise with his family who have lost a father and husband. I am not sure whether he was a good one or a bad one and it is not my place to judge. Some say he was a great philanthropist and others say he was not, who cares, he is dead. Some say he was Buddhist but even Buddha said he did not preach a religion but a way of life, so perhaps he was just agnostic or perhaps an atheist even, but who really cares? Does that really matter now?

Steve Jobs left a legacy but so did the inventor of television. Do you know who invented television?

I mean no disrespect to Steve. What I am trying to get at is that soon people will forget what you have done even if you are the greatest.

So, what is the purpose of life then? The key message from a book I am reading called "The purpose driven life" is that it is not about you. You are just a speck in this universe and you serve a higher purpose.

In Steve's speech above, amongst the key messages to me are:-
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you ...truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Everything else is secondary. Your time is limited in this world. Only you decide how you serve your time.

"The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."

This is more difficult because most of us work to pay the bills and feed the stomach. So, it is not always easy to find what you love and actually make money out of it.

As for me, I did enjoy blogging and writing but so many things has been going on at work as well as at home that I honestly have had to give up on things I love to do in order to pay the bills and feed the stomach.

This past month has somehow been more difficult than even in my working life and the stress has led me to an interesting path and journey.

I cannot promise that I will please you readers by writing more nor can I promise that I have the road to happiness because everyone has a different road and takes a different journey and has different priorities.

Take care and be well.

Pebbles in my shoe

2011-09-14T08:38:00.002+08:00

This morning as I was rushing out to work, I had put on my shoes quickly and was sitting in the car and was about to reverse when I felt it. That irritating feeling of a little pebble in the shoe that only irritates you at a certain angle. I thought I could live with it until I got to work but as pebbles in shoes go, they are bloody irritating and you are so itchified that you have to get it out immediately.

So, the usual act, remove shoes, shake and knock the shoes upside down to remove the pebble and put the shoes back on. The pebble was still there.

It was not playing mind tricks, so again, I removed my shoes, and again knocked and swept the shoe with my finger.

Put on the shoe again and there, the pebble still was there. I then realised it was a pebble in my sock. So, I had to remove the sock and take that pesky pebble out before I was well on my journey.

You know, that's life. We get pebbles in our life all the time.

But sometimes, unlike what we do with pebbles in our shoes, we just continue and keep living with the pebbles in our lives, we hope they will dissolve without us doing anything.

What inevitably happens in life is that the pebbles become stones that become rocks that becomes boulders that becomes mountains that perhaps only Prophet Mohammad can move.

If we were just to take care of those pesky pebbles when they are still pebbles, we would not be faced with mountains to overcome all the time.

But we don't. Why is that so?

I have so many mountains that have been built up over the years plus all the boulders and rocks and stones, that the pebbles do not matter anymore, you become immune to them.

But you know what, while I wait for a plan on how to scale the mountains that have already been built in 42 years of my life, I pledge to deal with the pebbles right now. Quick wins as they say.

So, I start to deal with pesky pebbles in my life while I figure out the mountains.

I do not like something, I say it then and there and pffft, the pebble disappears, that won't be a mountain no more.

One day at a time. Deal with pebbles while scratching the head on how to scale the mountains. And scale the mountains one step at a time.

Perhaps I could get advice from the Malaysian government, looking at the construction, they are able to quickly dissolve all the hillside and slopes into apartments and bungalows. But then again, on issues that matter, they tend to make mountains out of molehills,.

So, we rely on one true God, one supreme power in the Universe, seek his help to guide me in conquering the mountains and with His blessings, destroy the pebbles that crop up in the shoes while scaling these mountains that once were pebbles too.

Take care and be well.

Leave of absence

2011-09-03T17:03:00.000+08:00

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part,

but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I would first like to apologise to people who have been reading my blog frequently and finding some peace and solace and hope in my writing.

The apology is because I have not been frequently writing about peace, hope, faith and love but recently been writing about despair, depression, trust and other things.\

In January I went on a 30 day journey which at that time was good for me and I have been on quite a roller coaster journey since returning from Sarawak last year.

Coming home is not necessary good but sometimes one goes away to run away from the issues and problems they have in life.

Sarawak was my escape.

Returning back to KL, I really had a culture shock and in no time was against the wall that I had tried to break through previously.

Work sucked, money lacked, nobody seemed to care and nobody seemed to understand. I was again at my wits end.

Recently I realised I have been doing things for others, loving others, serving others but not once have I really loved myself.

Yes some people can be selfless, but they are prophets and son's of God. I, as far as I am aware, is no prophet although sometimes my writing can be prophetic.

Currently, I find that I do not love myself. Thus, lacking this love within my heart has been tearing me apart. And that loving myself is the key to getting past this concrete great wall that stands in front of me.

It is a realisation that I need to love myself. How, I am not sure. All suggestions from you readers are welcome.

My journey is going to be interesting, a journey to love oneself is a journey within.

I have been devouring books, from Japanese writes, to African to South American. I have been searching for the topic of love. I have been going to church in order to search the message of Jesus, after all Jesus was sent to this earth with a message of love.

I have been going through the Jain Sutras and the Hindu Vedantas as well as Bodhisatva in search of this.

I have been reading one self help book after another, books from likes of Dr Phil and Dr Darren Weissman who talk about infinite love and gratitude. I have been reading up more on Ho'oponopono and other shamanic methods.

I have been taking courses in Reiki and other holistic areas, doing meditation, seeing psychics, reading Tarot cards.

And despite all of these, I am still on the wrong side of the concrete wall. Maybe that is the thing, maybe this is the end, maybe it is best for me to turn around and walk all the way back but I am no Benjamin Button.

Thus, I am also apologising as I have not been writing frequently and in this journey within myself to find the love within, I will be writing less frequently. Mainly because I do not have the motivation and I have nothing to say.

I wish it was as simple as being the Grinch who in the end had his small heart grew three times.
"He puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. Maybe Christmas, he thought... doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps... means a little bit more! And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say - that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day. And then - the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of *ten* Grinches, plus two! "

So folks, with this, I seek a short leave of absence to find myself, to find love within me, to enjoy my life once more. Perhaps I never did before. Perhaps I have always been an intense of a person. But the wall is in front of me and I can go on no longer this same way.

Until then, perhaps in a few weeks, or a month or so ....

Take care and be well.

Taking the shackles of my feet, but I still can't dance

2011-09-01T23:45:00.001+08:00

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance

I just wanna praise you

You broke the chains now I can lift my hands

And I'm gonna praise you

I'm gonna praise you

In the corners of mind

I just can't seem to find a reason to believe

That I can break free

Cause you see I have been down for so long

Feel like the hope is gone

But as I lift my hands, I understand

That I should praise you through my circumstance

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance

I just wanna praise you

You broke the chains now I can lift my hands

And I'm gonna praise you

I'm gonna praise you

Everything that could go wrong

All went wrong at one time

So much pressure fell on me

I thought I was gon lose my mind

But I know you wanna see

If I will hold on through these trials

But I need you to lift this load

Cause I can't take it anymore

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance

I just wanna praise you

You broke the chains now I can lift my hands

And I'm gonna praise you

I'm gonna praise you

Been through the fire and the rain

Bound in every kind of way

But God has broken every chain

So let me go right now

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance

I just wanna praise you

You broke the chains now I can lift my hands

And I'm gonna praise you

I'm gonna praise you

Praising, my shackles been taken off my feet but I still can't dance. I guess the shackles have been on for too long that the feet have forgotten how to dance. Or the mind has forgotten the steps. Or the heart has forgotten the spirit.

Got to find the spirit and love in the heart. Got to let the mind be free again. Just taking the shackles off just would not do. Free my mind, open my heart, go within, find that love for love will conquer all.

Take care and be well.

Courtesy is dead, long live Curtness

2011-08-26T01:01:00.002+08:00

"Life is short, but there is always time for courtesy." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Holding a door for a stranger, especially a woman or child.
Saying "Please" and "Thank You" often and with sincerity.
Giving up your seat for an old, ill or pregnant person in a bus or train.
Standing when you meet a person for the first time, and extending your hand openly in friendship.
Begging the pardon of others when you have unintentionally wronged or offended them.
Actively listening to the thoughts and ideas of others, and acknowledging with gratitude their willingness to share them with you.

Ignoring your cell phone when you are in a conversation with another.

Showing respect to your elders by using "Sir" or "Ma'am," if you are not already acquainted with them or you know it to be their preference.

Replying to emails, SMS messages or missed phone calls, even if it is a few days later or even if it is 1 week later especially if you are overseas.
Speaking kindly of others to people you, or they, do not know.
Many more courtesies, hardly ever seen now.
Simple hello, thank you and genuine love and compassion, gone.

Is common courtesy dead?
Being curt has become en-vogue.
The results surveyed cities, but curtness has become a Malaysian thing.
We no longer tolerate our neighbours, my neighbour once called us "bloody bastards".
We no longer say hello, we no longer care.
Courtesy is dead, I mourn my dear old friend.
Rest in peace and I will see you again,
this curtness in the world will kill us all,
before our time.

Take care and be well.

Hope, Despair, Hope

2011-08-25T05:55:00.003+08:00

I refuse to be depressed,
'cause I'm totally obsessed,
with the feeling that I'm really lying.
It's an idea that I detest,
but once gotten off my chest,
I know I'll feel less and less like crying.
I won't yield to grim despair;
I must just grin and bear,
'cause I've other irons in the fire, frying.
If I'm burnt out or I scar,
when my words have turned to char,
it's not because this Smithy's stopped trying.
So life goes on and on,
and I know I'll carry on,
with the hope of a song in my heart.
I know I must be strong,
lest my quest to belong,
is diverted or goes wrong from the start.
By now I think you've guessed,
that life is no idle jest;
what scares us most is not just the fear of dying.
It is the panic and the stress,
of emotions long suppressed;
the narcotic of self-love and self-denying.
With the passing of the days,
I know I'll find a way,
to keep that song singing in my soul.
If my life begins to fray,
at ambition's sad dismay,
there is resource in disarray controlled.
So if you find you're not impressed,
by the things that I express,
and the knot of love between us is untying;
will you not think me a pest,
if I honestly confess,
that my life with you was truly satisfying.
Though there's no objective test,
we must know that we're possessed,
of a love that's true and real and gratifying.
And if we live our lives with zest,
and keep striving for the best,
we cannot lose unless no one is buying.
So as time begins to fade,
I'll keep the promises I made,
to press that song forever to my breast.
And as the closing act is played,
when the bill of death is paid,
my final breath will sing me to my rest.
~ A song of Hope by David Smith White

The memory of you emerges from the night around me.

The river mingles its stubborn lament with the sea.

Deserted like the wharves at dawn.

It is the hour of departure, oh deserted one!

Cold flower heads are raining over my heart.

Oh pit of debris, fierce cave of the shipwrecked.

In you the wars and the flights accumulated.

From you the wings of the song birds rose.

You swallowed everything, like distance.

Like the sea, like time. In you everything sank!

It was the happy hour of assault and the kiss.

The hour of the spell that blazed like a lighthouse.

Pilot's dread, fury of blind driver,

turbulent drunkenness of love, in you everything sank!

In the childhood of mist my soul, winged and wounded.

Lost discoverer, in you everything sank!

You girdled sorrow, you clung to desire,

sadness stunned you, in you everything sank!

I made the wall of shadow draw back,

beyond desire and act, I walked on.

Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost,

I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you.

Like a jar you housed infinite tenderness.

and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar.

There was the black solitude of the islands,

and there, woman of love, your arms took me in.

There was thirst and hunger, and you were the fruit.

There were grief and ruins, and you were the miracle.

Ah woman, I do not know how you could contain me

in the earth of your soul, in the cross of your arms!

How terrible and brief my desire was to you!

How difficult and drunken, how tensed and avid.

Cemetery of kisses, there is still fire in your tombs,

still the fruited boughs burn, pecked at by birds.

Oh the bitten mouth, oh the kissed limbs,

oh the hungering teeth, oh the entwined bodies.

Oh the mad coupling of hope and force

in which we merged and despaired.

And the tenderness, light as water and as flour.

And the word scarcely begun on the lips.

This was my destiny and in it was my voyage of my longing,

and in it my longing fell, in you everything sank!

Oh pit of debris, everything fell into you,

what sorrow did you not express, in what sorrow are you not drowned!

From billow to billow you still called and sang.

Standing like a sailor in the prow of a vessel.

You still flowered in songs, you still brike the currents.

Oh pit of debris, open and bitter well.

Pale blind diver, luckless slinger,

lost discoverer, in you everything sank!

It is the hour of departure, the hard cold hour

which the night fastens to all the timetables.

The rustling belt of the sea girdles the shore.

Cold stars heave up, black birds migrate.

Deserted like the wharves at dawn.

Only tremulous shadow twists in my hands.

Oh farther than everything. Oh farther than everything.

It is the hour of departure. Oh abandoned one!

~ Song of Despair by Pablo Neruda

A lonesome seed lie cocooned in dirt;

dormant in well-packed ground.

He lies and waits in his blackened tomb,

of the day he will be found.

He sings his song of hope within

of vibrant petals on an emerald stem.

He sings of niche and promises which,

give his life some meaning.

For what he longs he can't be sure,

but he knows there is a calling.

But its golden rays are only his dream,

while he sings his song of finding.

As cool rains fall on his grave of fear,

his kernel's walls begin to tear.

He sings his song as he reaches through;

as if it were a prayer.

Pushing dirt and wiggling forth;

a twisting, squirming, grope.

Inching up through fractions of ground;

and singing a song of hope.

At last, he's through to sun and air,

and cries in joy at his new found lair.

He sobs to a breeze in a pasture fair-

and he sings his song of hope.

~ Song of Hope by John Emmett Anderson

Take care and be well.

Numb

2011-08-24T03:33:00.002+08:00

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface

I don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

Become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me?

Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control

Cause everything that you thought I would be

Has fallen apart right in front of you

And every second I waste is more than I can take

And I know I may end up failing too

But I know you were just like me

With someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

Become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

~ Numb by Linkin Park

There is no pain, you are receding.

A distant ship's smoke on the horizon.

You are only coming through in waves.

Your lips move, but I can’t hear what you’re saying.

When I was a child, I had a fever.

My hands felt just like two balloons.

Now I’ve got that feeling once again.

I can’t explain, you would not understand.

This is not how I am.

I have become comfortably numb.

~ Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd

Numb.
Loss of feeling.
Numb.
No sensation.
Numb.
Lack of love.
Numb.
Ice cold frozen.
Numb.
Unalive, deadened
Numb.
Numbskull.

Take care and be well.

Fake

2011-08-23T06:06:00.001+08:00

Who's to know if your soul will fade at all

The one you sold to fool the world

You lost your self-esteem along the way

Good god you're coming up with reasons

Good god you're dragging it out

Good god it's the changing of the seasons

I feel so raped

So follow me down

And just fake it if you're out of direction

Fake it if you don't belong here

Fake it if you feel like affection

Don't be such a fucking hypocrite

And you should know that the lies won't hide your flaws

No sense in hiding all of yours

You gave up on your dreams along the way

I can fake with the best of anyone

I can fake with the best of em all

I can fake with the best of anyone

I can fake it all

Fake it if you're out of direction

Fake it if you don't belong here

Fake it if you feel like infection

~ Fake It by Seether

I do not have any original DVD. I never had an original VCD or VHS before either. I have all fakes.

And yet, all my music CD's are all real. My books are all real. My software in my computer is all real.

But what is real and what is fake?
Sometimes, life is fake and sometimes life is too real. But what is it?

Are the prophets real or fake? Is the Bible and Quran and Mahabharata a work of fiction or fact/non-fiction?

Sejarah Melayu (Malay History) ~ is it real or fake? Whose version is right, whose version is wrong?

It actually all does not matter at all.

Fake or real, it is a matter of belief and satisfaction.

Watching movies from a fake dvd satisfy my requirements enough but listening to a fake music CD does not, thus it is about satisfaction.

Religion or reincarnation or heaven and hell is also about what satisfies you the most, and what satisfies your needs is what you will believe in.

We are all fake and we are all real.

It is finally what you yourself think that matters the most. Someone once said that it is important to be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because character is what you are, but your reputation is merely what others think you are.

But sometimes, I am such a fucking hypocrite as I lie to try to hide my flaws, I gave up on my dreams along the way, I gave up on love and hope and I gave up on myself.

There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it.

But how do you walk away from yourself?

You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good.

Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't.

Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.

It ain't going to be easy, but it must be done.

Take care and be well.

I do not know how to write

2011-08-22T17:12:00.003+08:00

I had a dream. In the dream, I woke up in one morning as usual, but nothing was usual anymore. I could not write anymore, maybe I could never write, but now, I could not even write a simple sentence

Maybe it was not a dream or is it.

I have been attending this creative writing course but my writing has not improved much. I guess practice makes perfect but when there is so many other things in life, so many other issues that takes precedence, writing get's left in the back burner.

To be a good writer, or to be good at anything, one must practice. How to practice if you do not have the time? Well, time is a funny thing. We tend to waste a lot of time in a day doing things that are not important. And we waste a lot of time in general. If we only took half an hour or an hour daily and cut off things that were less important like watching television and do something which was important and taught us something, then we would get better.

There are many things that can be deemed important in writing.

Opening lines in a story are very important. You must hook your reader. The tone of the writing should be fresh and distinctive. Create an immediate narrative pull; make the reader want to know "what happens next?".

Get the reader into the story straight away, and use crisp and unassuming language. Don't make the reader want to reach for the dictionary.

Avoid Alliteration. Always.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)
Employ the vernacular.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Contractions aren’t necessary.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
One should never generalize.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
Profanity sucks.
Be more or less specific.
Understatement is always best.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
One word sentences? Eliminate.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
The passive voice is to be avoided.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.
It behooves you to avoid archaic expressions.
Avoid archaeic spellings too.
Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
Don't use commas, that, are not, necessary.
Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.
Never use a big word when a diminutive alternative would suffice.
Subject and verb always has to agree.
Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
Use youre spell chekker to avoid mispeling and to catch typograhpical errers.
Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
Don't never use no double negatives.
Poofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
Eschew obfuscation.
No sentence fragments.
Don't indulge in sesquipedalian lexicological constructions.
A writer must not shift your point of view.
Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
Always pick on the correct idiom.
The adverb always follows the verb.
Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be by rereading and editing.
And Always be sure to finish what ...

Take care and be well.

I will find hope, peace, joy, strength and truth .... I will, I surely will

2011-08-19T06:26:00.001+08:00

When life seems lost and so alone

No loving arms to hold you close

And time just passes by

The emptiness inside wont fade away

Till He came to show the way

We will find hope

We will find peace

We will find joy

That He brings

We will draw strength

We will know truth

Eternal life revealed

Through Him

Like a ship out in the sea

The raging tides sweep endlessly

Blown forth from left to right

This sinking soul of mine can't hardly breathe

Till His guiding Hands lifted me

I have found hope

I have found peace

I have found joy that You bring

I will draw strength

I now know truth

Eternal Life revealed

Through You

~ Through Him by Patrick Leong

I have yet to find hope, or peace, or joy, or strength or the truth.

But I have hope that one day I will have hope, peace, joy, strength and the truth will be revealed. It is a journey, not a destination. I will surely find it one day, not today perhaps, but one day.

Take care and be well.

Indeed, a mad world

2011-08-18T05:35:00.001+08:00

All around me are familiar faces

worn out places, worn out faces

Bright and early for the daily races

Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses

No expression, no expression

Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow

No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny

I find it kind of sad

The dreams in which I'm dying

Are the best I've ever had

I find it hard to tell you

I find it hard to take

When people run in circles

It's a very very, mad world, mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good

Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday

And I feel the way that every child should

Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous

No one knew me, no one knew me

Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson

Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny

I find it kind of sad

The dreams in which I'm dying

Are the best I've ever had

I find it hard to tell you

I find it hard to take

When people run in circles

It's a very very, mad world, mad world

Enlarge your world, mad world

It is a mad world indeed.

Sometimes, when one does not know what to write or how to write, they can always rely on what others have already written.

A mad world right now indeed.

Take care and be well.

Say nothing at all ... see where it will get you

2011-08-17T16:30:00.000+08:00

It's amazing
How you can speak
Right to my heart
Without saying a word,
You can light up the dark
Try as I may
I could never explain
What I hear when
You don't say a thing

The smile on your face
Lets me know
That you need me
There's a truth
In your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me
Whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all
All day long
I can hear people
Talking out loud
But when you hold me near
You drown out the crowd
(The crowd)
Try as they may
They could never define
What's been said
Between your
Heart and mine
The smile on your face
Lets me know
That you need me
There's a truth
In your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me
Whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all

I have always liked the song above, it is quite a nice tune, but when you look at the words, it's bullshit.

Try it.

Try saying nothing at all and see where it gets you.

Try being honest all the time, and you will soon learn that sometimes, it is best to tell a lie, to be dishonest.

Sometimes, we just learn lessons late.

Take care and be well.

The laughing heart

2011-08-13T15:01:00.001+08:00

Your life is your life;
Don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
Be on the watch.
There are ways out.
There is a light somewhere.
It may not be much light

but it beats the darkness.
Be on the watch.
The gods will offer you chances.

Know them.
Take them.
You can’t beat death

but you can beat death in life, sometimes.
And the more often you learn to do it,

the more light there will be.
Your life is your life.
Know it while you have it.
You are marvelous.
The gods wait to delight in you.

-- by Charles Bukowski

Your life is your life.
Whether you believe or you do not
Whether you care or
you have a heaven can care attitude.

My life is my life.
I get knocked down.
People talk behind my back.
There is the sharp pain
of a knife poked in my back.

But my life is my life.
I get up.
I move on.
I trust and
I have faith.
I believe.

Your life is your life.
Live it how you want to.
Live your life.
Don't judge how
I live mine.
And I will offer you
the same courtesy.

Take care and be well.

Fasten your seatbelt and enjoy the ride

2011-08-09T00:12:00.004+08:00

Can a weekend change your life? Actually all it takes is a second, maybe a nanosecond, a thought to change your life or they way you think.

In Malaysia and in many other countries, people born into a religion are forced to remain in that religion and have no free will.

But in all honesty, as adults, we all have free will.

Whether one chooses to be a Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Jain, Bahai, Jewish, Sikh, or even just follow a Buddhist lifestyle or be agnostic or even atheist is their own free will.

However, many of us are stuck in a rut, of just following because of fear, because of persecution and because of comfort.

In my many years in search for religion, I have read many scriptures, including the Bible, the Quran and many other scriptures. I even read L.Ron Hubbard's Dienetics to understand Scientology and went to a few Scientology meetings.

Somehow, when it comes to religion, people become very sensitive in nature.

But if it is race, it is ok lah to criticize each other. If it is gender, it is okay to make jokes or make fun of the transgender person or treat women as the weaker sex. If it is politics, we can make all the fun we want about DAP, PAS or UMNO or WhyMCA and MICkey etc.

When it comes to religion, everyone is too bloody sensitive and scared.

In my meditations to try to get out of the despair and anxiety I was feeling, my guardian asked me to go to the house of the Lord to seek some comfort and solitude.

I asked him, aren't we all the temple, our body is the temple, our flesh is just a vehicle and our spirits are connected to the holy spirit.

Of course, sometimes I am a wise ass and I will get wise ass answers back.

I am somewhat a clairvoyant but more a clairaudient and clairsentient. Read this blog of mine for more clarity of the differences. But mainly, I hear things and I feel things.

When I randomly open a religious book or any other book, sometimes even an autobiography of someone, I get the answer that I am seeking at that moment in time.

I am guided and my guardians and angels are always there to help me.

So, when my guardian tells me to go to the house of the Lord, I actually know what he means and I just sometimes try to be funny.

In the religion that I was born in, Jainism, it does not believe in temples or places of worship. The place of worship is within yourself. Of course, over the thousands of years, people interpret their own way. They want to create a place to meet, so they set up Jain temples. First they were empty, then they start to put statues in them. Soon enough, a religion that does not do idol worship ends up doing idol worship.

Anyway, my guardian Mahavira, a tirtha in Jainism often appears with his good friend Jesus. Yes, they are all friends, even Muhammad. And yes, Jesus is also my guardian angel, and more than that.

Nevertheless, if I was in Miri, I would normally just go to my good friend's church where I am familiar with the people and feel at home.

So over here, when the boss says go, I go. I prefer some cosy places of worship where people know you, so I went to a church my friend attends. I went to his wedding last year and quite liked the closeness of the church which reminded me of the church in Miri.

I texted my friend on Saturday to inquire if I would be welcome and he was happy for me to come. I went on Sunday, early as usual when I am going to a new place.

I came out 3 hours later, not feeling so much in despair and my anxiety was less. My energy and aura was more positive. When I got home, even my wifey commented that I had brought home a positive energy to the home.

It was simple worshiping. A lot of genuine love and compassion in the praise of the Lord.

I learned something new which led me to investigate, well, Google rather than investigate, but this is what I have learned. This search was mainly led by the news articles about DUMC (Damansara Utama Methodist Church) that was raided by JAIS (Jabatan Agama Islam Selangor - Selangor Islamic Religious Department). The news said that a multi-racial fundraiser by the church was raided by the religious authorities and particulars of 12 Muslims attending the dinner were taken down.

Al Jazeera once reported that there were 6 million Muslims converting to Christianity. I figure that the numbers could be the same for people converting to Islam but of course that is never made clear. In Malaysia, it was reported by JAIS or PAS or UMNO or someone that more than 3 thousand Muslims have been converted to Christianity.

I now personally know of two, I do not know their details but I know their testimonies. There are websites out there giving testimonies of people who have converted from Islam to Christianity and there are some testimonies from Malaysian Muslims as well. There are many sites about testimonies given by people who have converted to Islam like this link. Of course, the famous people I know are Muhammad Ali who is my favorite boxer of all time and Yusuf Islam aka Cat Stevens who is one of my favorite singers as well.

For a Muslim to convert out of Islam, he is a "murtad" or an apostate and this is a crime punishable. The Qur'an states that Allah despises apostasy, with severe punishment to be imposed in the hereafter, but not mentioning explicitly any earthly penalty for apostates. However, many humans Muslim scholars have interpreted that the punishment for apostasy is death and there is many debates about this.

In Wikipedia, there is a long list of converts from various other religions to Islam as well as a long list of converts to Christianity.

What we need is a tolerance of all religions and an acceptance that an adult will make up his or her own mind when the time is right.

People are guided by their angels and their guardians to the right path for them, I am guided and I know that the right path may not necessarily make other people happy but what is important is that I am at peace with myself and God, the Universe and the powers that be.

I am not God to judge you and you are not God to judge me. Let's be friends and let's have compassion and love for each other and leave it at that.

Take care and be well.

Push pineapple, shake the tree! Push pineapple, grind coffee!

2011-08-05T00:05:00.000+08:00

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,

To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,

Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.

I met a hula mistress somewhere in Waikiki,

Well, she was selling pineapple, playing ukulele,

And when I went to the girl, "Come on and teach me to sway,"

She laughed and whispered to me, "Yes, come tonight to the bay."

The lovely beach, in the sky the moon of Kauai,

Around calypso sarong we'll all be singing this song.

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,

To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,

Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,

To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,

Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.

And down on the shore they gather romance,

She showed me much more, not only to dance.

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,

To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,

Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.

The year was 1984, Black Lace performed the song Agadoo. Since then, despite popularity, Agadoo has been voted as the fourth most annoying song of all time. In a poll for Q magazine in 2003, a panel of music writers voted "Agadoo" as the worst song of all time, saying: "It sounded like the school disco you were forced to attend, your middle-aged relatives forming a conga at a wedding party, a travelling DJ act based in Wolverhampton, every party cliche you ever heard." The panel also described it as "magnificently dreadful".

Bah Hambug! What do the so called experts know, right?

I was 15/16 when this song came out, just the right party age where we were partying with friends. I used to breakdance when I was younger, at that age. But now, these old bones of mine creek even when walking normally. Oh how those breakdance memories remain and memories of songs like Agadoo, Funky Town, Mandalay.

I remember the 1st time I bought a Pet Shop Boys cassette and was listening to West End Girls, I expected that my parent would hate it but I was surprised when my friends disliked it as well. However, five years later when I had moved on to other music, these were the same friends who were now fans of Pet Shop Boys.

Push pineapple, shake the tree. Push pineapple, grind coffee.

Simple things, simple pleasures.

I like to sit and write under a tree.

But in Bangsar, the council has been chopping down trees because the house owners have complained saying they fear the trees or branches will fall on their house and damage their property. These are the same homeowners who then complain and say, "These DBKL buggers have been chopping down all our trees and taking the nice greenery and shade away."

Furthermore, if I were to sit under any tree and write in Bangsar, people will likely call the cops to haul me away. I remember fond memories of sitting under a tree and writing when I was in St Xavier's in Penang. I particularly like a raintree by the basketball courts. I used to write under a tree even in winter when I was in US. And in Miri, I used to go to the beach, sit on an old fallen tree and write. Here, I sit, in front of my computer. Maybe at most with a computer screen saver or wallpaper of trees.

Push pineapple, shake the tree. Push pineapple, grind coffee.

I used to have a place of solitude to think, meditate, rest my mind, to talk to God or guardians or the Universe, to reflect, to think of Enki and Enlil, remember my Mayan ancestors, say hello to Jesus and Mahavir and Buddha.

The writing and the solitude comes from within the mind. It can come anytime. But a place to encourage it does help although never mandatory but sometimes necessary.

To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees, Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.

Let's go and dance the hula melody, let's go down the beach, let's plant a tree for me to sit under, let's build a lake.

Sometimes I wish there was a chill pill in the city but sometimes all I need is a tree, some pencil and paper and relax under the sun and the stars and the moon, talk to the ancient spirits and souls, guardians and angels, God and His Son.

Some days, just need to push pineapple shake the tree and push pineapple grind coffee.

Take care and be well.

Obstacle Course

2011-08-04T08:08:00.002+08:00

“The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

Obstacles, by their very nature, challenge you to grow, change and adapt. As Abe Lincoln said, when the occasion is piled with difficulties, we must rise to the occasion and we must think anew, we must do things differently. The same old way does not work anymore and we must find a different and better way of doing things.

All of us, including me face obstacles, but God or the Universe is putting obstacles in our path to overcome them. We could trip over them if we want and sometimes we will, but we cannot keep tripping over the same things over and over again. If we are, then we need to do it differently, maybe walk around that hurdle rather than trying to jump over it.
Whether they arise from my personal past or are part of the life path I have chosen, obstacles are good for getting me out of old habits, teaching me about the way the world works, and making me grow stronger and more flexible.

Of course I hope and dream that life can be simple and easy, but the obstacles I face makes me work for what I want. Life can be either a merry-go-round or a roller coaster -- you can either keep going around in circles or take a ride with lots of ups and downs.

The secret of how to overcome your obstacles is learning how to turn them to your advantage.

Many things stop or delay us on our journey through life. Yet behind every hurdle, there is a reason for its existence. Sometimes to keep us out of dangerous places, sometimes just opportunities to learn.

To turn obstacles to my advantage, I have started to see the cause and reason the obstacle as well as the opportunity it brings to me. Maybe it is time for me to learn something new, develop a latent skill, or find a better way of overcoming my issues.

I just have to think seriously about making some changes in life and when I do or when a serious change happens, suddenly obstacles can appear.

Often obstacles make us slow down or stop so past unresolved issues. We cannot be Energizer Bunnies all the time and we need to stop sometime. Sometimes our old perspectives and ideas need to be re-looked and resolved. Sometimes we have to get a virus or a bacteria to help us to slow down. It is all God's or the Universe way of telling you to stop for a while.
By having to slow down to get around the road blocks and speed bumps of my life, I have time to make sure that I wholeheartedly want to arrive where I am headed. The very things that slow me down will help me choose the right path.

Sometimes, obstacles make me change my course or rethink the approach to a person, issue, or next step. They often work as guides pointing me to the Polaris or the right direction of a better path.

There are many causes for stress and obstacles in life. Amongst which are

Money ~ When I lack money and constantly struggle to just meet basic needs of life – I find that it can be tough to focus on the bigger picture.
Emotions ~ my negative emotions as well as the negative emotions around me really drains me out sometimes and again focus becomes an issue.
Stress ~ I need to find my happy place in KL, a tree or something that I can sit down under. In Miri, I would just go take a walk on my beach especially during sunset.
Decisions ~ barely two years after having moved from Miri to KL, I have to make decisions again and there are changes again. It is easy to say make a decision and go on with life, don’t fret on whether or not it was the right decision or not. But it is not easy to make a decision when it involves others and not just yourself and your personal happiness. But only time will tell.
Distractions ~ Today’s hectic life is full of distractions. Be prepared for them, try to avoid them or just accept the distractions as part of life and obstacles and keep your eye on the ball.
Relationships ~ There will be times that we disagree with our spouse, children, parents, siblings, friends and business partners. They may strongly disagree with your goals and dreams.
Faith and Self-Esteem ~ lack of our faith in our self to succeed sets us up for failure before we even start. Not believing in self often leads to self sabotage.
Belief ~ Do I truly believe in my goals and dreams? Do I even have clear goals and dreams? How will I find happiness if what I am doing is against my beliefs?
Knowledge ~ Sometimes we don’t have the knowledge needed. This is easy, go get it.
Grief ~ We will all lose people we love. When I lost my mom, I allowed myself time to grief. But sometimes it is not just people, it could be grief over something else. Either way, allowing myself time to grief will help me not to get swallowed up in it.
Conflict ~ I will always have a difference of opinion with someone, not everyone at every time. Just have to accept, be grateful and not be in conflict.
Nature, Illness and Addictions ~ luckily none of my obstacles are currently in this nature but most certainly an earthquake or a sickness within yourself or family or even an addiction to alcohol or drugs will create obstacles.
Perfection ~ Nothing or no one is perfect . I am not and will never be, so don;t expect me to be the perfect person. If I was, I will be God rather than this man facing all these obstacles.
Time and procrastination ~ I sometimes manage my time well and I sometimes procrastinate. I know that I can make time to do anything I truly want to do but sometimes I just procrastinate.

There are some very common reasons for obstacles to occur but what truly matter is how we overcome them. There is always guidance available but sometimes we dwell on the obstacle itself too much that we do not look at a simple solutions.

Not sure if this is a true story but it has been mentioned many times. During the space race to send man to space, the Americans spends hundreds of millions to develop a pen that would be able to write in zero-gravity in space that the astronauts could use. They finally invented the pen at cost of a few hundred thousands and were very proud of it. The Russians, on the other hand, got their cosmonauts to use a pencil.

Sometimes, to overcome an obstacle, all we need is a simple solution. Use a pencil.

I know I will always be guided, by God and my guardians but sometimes I need to seek their guidance. They will not come to me automatically, they got other better things to do. BUt if I do trust and call upon Him, He will light the path.

So, someday, if you see me writing with a pencil, you'll know I have just overcome an obstacle.

Take care and be well.

We only come out at night

2011-08-02T23:31:00.002+08:00

We only come out at night, the days are much too bright
We only come out at night
And once again, you'll pretend to know me well, my friends
And once again, I'll pretend to know the way
Thru the empty space
Thru the secret places of the heart
We only come out at night, the days are mush too bright
We only come out at night
I walk alone, I walk alone to find the way home
I'm on my own, I'm on my own to see the ways
That I can't help the days, you will make it home o.k.
I know you can, and you can
We only come out at night, the days are much too bright
We only come out at night
And once again, you'll pretend to know that
There's an end, that there's an end to this begin
It will help you sleep at night
It will make it seem that right is always right
Alright?
We only come out at night

I sometimes do not know what to write. Sometimes I do know what to write but am at a lost of words to write it down.

Today is one such day. I want to write about the gratitude we should feel. But instead, I am going to write about some late night visitors. By the way, have you ever wondered why people only encounter ghosts or restless spirits at night? Have you come across someone who encountered a ghost during day time?

I have not and my stories are all night time stories as well. Some are true and some are fictional, the following is a true story, or kisah benar as we would say it in Malaysia. So here goes, my story about some visitors at night.

"Thong tong tong,” someone knocked on the door and jolted Neil up from his slumbering sleep. He looked at the clock on the Astro decoder, it was ten past one in the morning.

He had just returned from his afternoon shift in Texas Instrument where he was working as a supervisor. He did not like the rotating shift work especially the afternoon shift which started at 3 and ended at 11 and with all the paper work he had to do, he was rarely back by midnight.

He lived on the fourth floor of the walk up flats in Taman Kosas which he had rented when he started working in Texas Instruments. It was cheap and it was bare and sometimes the walk up and down the stairs was the only exercise he ever got.

It had been a long day and he had barely got to sleep before the loud knocks on his apartment’s heavy wooden fire door.

He had no peephole, so he yelled out, “Who is that?” wondering who would visit him at that God forsaken hour.

No reply from the other side. He yelled again while looking below the door in the tiny gap to see if there were any feet. There was no sight of feet or shadows. He heard some footsteps and then there was silence.

It was nearly 3am when Neil finally fell asleep again. Then he was awoken again by some loud music at 4:30.

He got up, looked out from his balcony to try to source where the loud music was from and noticed a guy in the school canteen across the road from him flats. The guy was flipping roti canai while listening to loud Tamil music from his boom box.

Neil shouted from his balcony, “Oi, diam lah, orang tengah tidor sini.” Of course nothing was heard through all the noise and Neil was just too tired and lazy to walk down the four flights of stairs. So, he stuffed some cotton into his ears, covered his face with a pillow and went to sleep.

That was not the end of the story.

“Thong tong tong,” someone knocked on the door and jolted Neil up from his slumbering sleep. He looked at the clock on the Astro decoder, it was twenty past one in the morning. Was this a dream, did this not happen yesterday.

Again, he went to the door and shouted, “Siapa tu, hantu kah?”

Again there was no reply. Again no shadows or feet under the gap at the bottom of the door.

After a few minutes which seemed like eternity, Neil took a rolled up paper and opened the door, but there was nobody there.

This really spooked Neil and he could barely sleep.

When the roti canai maker came across the street to prepare his roti canai with his loud Tamil music, Neil was wide awake. The Tamil songs, although giving him a headache, were a distraction from the spookiness.

The next morning, he quickly goes to the locksmith that is in one of the shop lots near his flats and ask the locksmith to install a peephole.

Then he calls his mom. He explains what has occurred in the past few days and asks his mom for advice.

“You’ve not been saying your mantra at night and in the morning have you? You need to pray daily. Just say your mantra. Go to temple if can and try not to pass by any graveyards on your way back home.”

“But Maa, I have no choice, there are graveyards everywhere, I have to pass them to come home from the factory.”

“Then go to temple. And for crying out loud, wash your feet before you enter the house. This will wash away any evil spirits that have come along with you.”

Neil wondered how he was going to wash his feet on the fourth floor outside his apartment. There were no taps outside or on the ground floor.

At work, he told the story to a few of his operators and asked for their advice, most of them chimed the same advice as the mother. Wash your feet. Go to temple. Some suggested go see a bomoh.

“Thong tong tong,” someone knocked on the door and jolted Neil up from his slumbering sleep. He looked at the clock on the Astro decoder, it was half past one in the morning. Three days in a row.

Again, he went to the door and shouted, “Who is that? Why are you coming here at this hour? I have nothing for you, please go away.”

Again there was no reply. Again no shadows or feet under the gap at the bottom of the door. He looked through the peephole and there was nothing. He opened the door and nobody was there.

He was really spooked now. He went to the 7-Eleven around the corner, bought some cashew nuts, peanuts and beer and just sat up watching re-runs on Astro.

Again at 4:30, like clockwork, the roti canai man started his racket.

The next day, Neil decides to put a baldi full of water outside his flat and he goes to work and inquires about some bomoh’s in that area. Nobody seemed to know a bomoh but knew a cousin third removed or my mother’s cousins sister in law or someone who went to one. But personally, nobody knew a bomoh in the area which he found to be a lie considering he was in Keramat area of Ampang/Ulu Kelang.

During his dinner break at 7, he went to the Raja Rajeshwari temple in Ulu Kelang and spoke to a priest who could barely speak much Malay or English. Neil was not a Tamil and could not communicate well. The priest however gave him something tied on a string with a saffron yellow cloth that seemed to have something in it, apparently Sanksrit mantras to ward of any evil. He was told to wear it or keep it in the pocket.

That night, Neil went home, braver, with the temple blessings. He reached the top of the stairs and removed his shoes and socks and washed them thoroughly and wiped them with a face towel he had hung on the railings of the grill.

He was sure that thing or person will not dare come back again with all his protection. He even lit a sandalwood joystick and did his mantras.

He waited for the hour to be prepared. 1am, 1:10am, 1:20am, 1:30am, 1:40am …. Nothing.

He just nodded off around 1:50am then suddenly “Thong tong tong,” someone knocked on the door and jolted Neil up from his sleep. He looked at the clock on the Astro decoder, it was two. He had barely slept ten minutes.

He quickly went to the door, yelled, and without even bothering to look through the peephole, he opened the door suddenly.

The sudden movement shocked the intruder outside. It was a transvestite who immediately went,, “Sorry lah Abang, salah rumah.”

Neil was going berserk. “What do you mean wrong house? Have you been the one knocking on my door for the last four days? Why did you not answer me? Did you not realize it was the wrong house? Bloody hell, stupid bloody …..”

The trans apologized profusely and started walking down the steps and before Neil could say anything, vanished in thin air. Literally disappeared. Neil opened the door and went down a few steps, but the trans was nowhere in sight.

Was it a dream or a reality? Neil was wondering was the trans real or a aberration, a ghost?

He was no longer scared yet he was spooked and wondered whether he had witnessed a restless trans spirit.

While he was thinking about the occurrences of the last four days and having a nice cold Tiger beer on the balcony, he noticed the roti canai men set up his station and boom box in the school canteen. Neil was no longer in the mood for Tamil songs and immediately called the Ampang Police station and reported a disturbance of peace. The police said that their patrol car was making its rounds and they will get the patrol car to warn the guy.

As he continued drinking his beer, he saw the patrol car pull up and yell something at the roti canai man and pointed towards the row of Kosas flats that Neil lived in. The man immediately went to the boom box turned it off and came back profusely apologizing to the two policemen and pleading something. They had their summonses book out and were about to issue him a summons when Neil noticed a common exchange. Of course no summons was issued in exchange for a few red notes.

Neil smiled and went to sleep soundly and only got up at noon the next day to get ready for his last day on the afternoon shift. Peace at last, thank God almighty, Peace at last.

I hope you enjoyed the story above. It really did happen.

Take care and be well.

Energizer Bunny

2011-07-31T13:37:00.000+08:00

I've kept going and going and going and going non-stop without rest like the Energizer bunny. And you know what happens when you go non-stop like an Energizer bunny?

Yes, eventually the battery does die off and you will be forced to stop.

Sometimes, God or your guardian will throw something at you to make you stop and think and rest.

If the Energizer Bunny stopped every now and then and rested, the battery would technically last longer even if you just count the moving time. It is proven that a battery on a device lasts longer if it is shut-down every now and then compared to when it is left on all the time.

So, how different would our batteries of our life and soul be? We need time to shutdown and time to relax and think of nothing. It is not easy but we cannot be on continuous motion and movement.

The last couple of days and weeks have not been easy but I know that I will find a way to get out of this rut that I am in. It is just a matter of recognising the root causes of this and to ensure that the heart, mind and soul understands that the situation will not improve by worrying, anxiety or despair.

It will improve by gratitude, faith, hope and love. So, I need to be thankful for the things I do have rather than worry about the things I do not. I have to have faith, not surrender to God but trust God and my guardians. I have to continue living a life of hope. And infinite love will always get me to where I want to be.

Mother Theresa said that it does not matter if you change the world or made a difference in the world, it only matters that you made a difference to one person.

One person is all that matters. My legacy and my life to the world does not matter, it only matters I am alive and I make a difference.

I know I have made a difference. I know many of you out there read my blogs and are inspired and when I am down, you are with me, in your heart and in your mind. For that, I love you and I thank you.

This Energizer Bunny is shutting down now, I will continue to write a blog every couple of days but I am stopping from activity today.

Take care and be well.

The Mole Man who went up the hill and came down a mountain

2011-07-29T07:27:00.000+08:00

Familiar with the Mole Man?

How about the idiom "Making mountains out of molehills"?

The term is used to refer to one who has dwelled on a situation that has long passed and is therefore no longer significant.

Yes, we are all sometimes guilty of making mountains out of molehills.

But sometimes, the molehills do combine and come up all at the same time and it does feel like a mountain or a huge burden.

Who are we to judge ones burden or ones pain over another similar as we cannot judge ones happiness?

Al E is happy if you give him a treat or any food, sometimes he reminds me of Kung Fu Panda Po. He is also happy chasing around his favorite ball and he is happy running around in the garden.

I wish sometimes it was that simple to keep me happy, a treat, chasing around balls and running around in the garden .....

Wait a minute, it was that simple when I was 7. Getting a treat i.e. ice-cream or a chocolate bar, playing football in the backyard or even on a street did make me happy then. Life was so carefree and money was no burden ... we did not need any nor did we have any as kids.

The Mole Man above, why did he become a villain. How about Dr Octopus?

They did not all start out as bad guys.

The Mole Man was originally Harvey Rupert Elder, an American nuclear engineer and explorer. Harvey was socially shunned due to a combination of his abrasive personality and his homely, dwarfish appearance.

Furthermore, his fellow explorers ridiculed him for his eccentric, crackpot theories regarding a Hollow Earth.

When Harvey fell into a massive cave leading deep into the underground realm of Subterranea, he decided his theories had finally been vindicated. However, he suffered permanent damage to his eyes when he gazed directly upon a highly reflective deposit of diamonds.

Partially blind and apparently secluded from the surface world forever, Harvey dubbed himself the Mole Man and began exploring his new home. He eventually became the ruler of the branch of Subterraneans and used the Deviant-derived creatures and technology that he found in Subterranea to strike back at the outer world in numerous attempts to rule or humble the world that had rejected him.

As a teenager, I had different worries and concerns and when I read some blogs of teenagers nowadays, I see despite the advance technology, they too have similar worries and concerns.

Now, in my 40's, I have reached a stage in my life where it is not too far away from retirement yet I feel I am struggling now, what more when I retire.

I am not the only one that seems to be in this predicament, but why and what has led us to this predicament.

We are all born for a reason and we lead this life for a reason, but why do we struggle sometimes and why do some people have what we sometimes term as an easy life.

Maybe outside looking in, there are probably many people who actually look at me and feel that I have an easy life.

But I have to go back to my own advice and start looking at infinite love, gratitude and forgiveness and that is going to heal the pain and make the large mountains into molehills.

I have to on a daily basis consciously to continually upgrade the field of the spirit to live in the now, no matter how painful it is.

And through love, transform every physical symptom and stressful experience into an intention that genetically aligns the intelligent design of the cells in my body and the relationships in my life, manifesting through my thoughts, feelings and actions.

And through love, create portals that open the divine potential of my mind and body for healing, regeneration and wholeness.

I know I just have to seek the answers and guidance from my guardians who are there to show me love and direction, but I need to do this before I start falling deeper and deeper into the subterranean cave within my own self.

Take care and be well.

Dr Doom and Gloom

2011-07-27T20:08:00.002+08:00

Continuing with my Super Hero or Super Villain theme, I sure feel like Doom and Gloom right now.

The feeling around the last couple of days especially is that the situation is bad and is not likely to improve. There's been so much gloom and doom here, I think I should try to provide a smile

Follow all familiar paths now

Accessing all human minds

Injecting my veins with your hatred

My focus never stays the same

Pure! So fresh I can test it

Taste it in my narrow mind

Focus well and inject it

Blindfold my eyes

When my apathy dies

Sure I will rise up and face it

Another day of sunshine lies

This world is made by my fiction

Injected in my body's pride

How long must I reach out

Eating my own vomiting

Is our hearts meant to be broken

Broken within broken this sin

Ten thousand lies

Can't touch me so

In the way that you do

Ten thousand lies

Disregard less why

Can't touch me so hard

Like you.

Irony Man has been defeated by Dr Doom and Gloom. The weekend and the last couple of days have just been just too much that it has sometimes become unbearable, but I just have to and move on.

Firstly, I was feeling a lot of pain in my chest since Saturday and I was pretty unwell.

Then, my wife has been down with the flu and now been diagnosed with one of the many H1NXX flu virus.

I also got a call from the mechanic that the repair of the Hyundai Elantra would cost more than five grand, money that I do not have lying around in my mattress.

My Land Rover Freelander TD4 is still in the workshop and it has been 5 months since the world upside down accident that I had. And it is still not completely fixed.

I got my Maxis bill which is a crazy amount of nearly 4 grand, again for ridiculous charges and I am still unable to get hold of them.

Al E is still not 100% from the cough and sneezing that he has been going through.

My ole man for some reason has been more reserved and crappy.

My sister in law was hit by a car on her 24 year old motorcycle and now has a broken foot and thankfully alive but will be out of work for a month at the least.

Currently, I am spiralling into some level of depression and just need to smile about it. Maybe I am in denial or maybe I am in acceptance.

It has not been an easy week, and it is only Wednesday.

But then, I get an email from a follower of this blog which is as follows:

Hi Mr. Nil,

I am (Name removed), 14 years old, senior HS student, a follower of your blog posts in Nil’s Musings. I have always enjoyed reading your posts, in the fact that I learn and I can apply it to my life. I have always been inspired to make the most of my life worth living by following some of yours tips, and surely they did not harm me, nor the persons close to me. Instead it helped me in becoming a better person. But still, there are some qualities of mine than gets me feeling down and low. For instance, my “DISTANT” personality. Even though I try so hard to be friends with people, I somehow get lost and I found myself introvert and boring and most of the time, I don’t know what to say to, or open conversations and I found it difficult to answer right back to their questions. I guess it’s because of my low self-esteem compared to my other friends.

Right now, I am in the stage of creating myself, but I just don’t know where to start when so many things bother me so much about myself. Thank you for your time that you spent reading my message. I just don’t know who to open up this problem of mine. I’m hoping that you could respond to me, though I don’t expect it to be right away, and help me on developing myself.

Thank you again. Take care. To God be all the Glory.

Of course I have sent her a short positive reply and her email has also made me think a little. I know my friends and even many strangers are reading my blog and being inspired by my writing and therefore by me.

So, how do I use that to inspire me. I need to be inspired from within. And of course, some inspiration like above from a young reader is always greatly appreciated, it helps me get out of the doom and gloom.

At the end of the day, I need to be in that atmosphere of believer's where everyone is praising and worshiping God and where the presence of God is felt. It is like my young inspiring reader says, To God be all the Glory.

I need to listen to my guardian, I need to seek his guidance, through him and through God, I will be able to come out of this doom and gloom and there is a resolution and peace that is waiting for me.

Please continue sending me emails, sms, facebook messages, comments on the blogs etc. I truly appreciate it, I am grateful. Thank you and I love you all.

Take care and be well.

Irony Man

2011-07-25T07:27:00.001+08:00

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

Life is mostly like the song lyrics above. Happiness or unhappiness comes from a choice within hat you make. But can one truly be struggling and still be happy.

Struggles are what we are for. Buddha's 1st Noble Truth is that life is suffering. That may seen very negative and very discouraging considering that Buddha is the one who showed people a way to lead a balanced lifestyle and still achieve Nirvana.

But to truly understand the noble truths, you must always go beyond the 1st one and read the other 3 noble truths. Buddha talks about acceptance, accepting that in this life, you are born, it is bound that you will face some level of suffering. Dwelling into the suffering or denying the suffering or being angry about it will not end the suffering. The only best thing then to do is accept it and once you have accepted that you cannot do much about it, you will find a ways to move on and end end that suffering as well.

This is not difference than the grief cycle known as DABDA. Sometimes, we as humans when in grief or stress or loss will go through DABDA. The Five Stages of Grief, was first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969, the year I was born.

Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of possessions and individuals that will be left behind after death.
Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.
Bargaining — "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just do something to buy more time..."
Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.
Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, the individual begins to come to terms with her/his mortality or that of a loved one.

Sometimes, it can go back and is cyclical. For example, I personally was in a stage of acceptance for a certain situation and some incidents happened that took me right back up to anger and depression.

Yes, it sometimes seems like an irony or like a joke God is playing on us. So what to do? Deny it, be angry, be depressed, try to bargain or just accept it?

Sometimes, it is okay to be ironic, I am Irony Man. The only powers I have is same as yours, I have feelings, I feel all of the above. I am sometimes angry, I am sometimes in denial, I am sometimes depressed, I am sometimes bargaining but I know moving on can only be when I am in acceptance.

Over the past year, I have accepted quite a number of things but I am a human, I am Irony Man, so I am not perfect. There are things that I am still in denial about and there are still things I am angry about. Sometimes, I do feel depressed. And just like the rest of us, when things are down, we always go to God to bargain, to show us the light, to lead us to the right path.

I am Irony Man but I am hoping that I will be Acceptance Man, soon, I hope.

Take care and be well.

Hidup Sederhana, Basikal Tua (Living moderately, old bicycle)

2011-07-22T06:06:00.002+08:00

Riang hatiku badan bertuah
Punya teman yang comel dan manja
Berjanji akan selalu bersama
Menemani ku setiap masa
Aku hidup serba sederhana
Tiada harta tiada rupa
Hanya yang ada budi bahasa
Harta sekadar basikal tua
Orang biasa basikal tua
Orang biasa basikal tua
Walau kemana ia meminta
Kubawa dengan hati yang bangga
Senang melihat ia ketawa
Duduk di palang basikal tua
(from the late Sudirman)

Today, I got up half an hour earlier than usual. My four alarms that I had set on my iPhone alarm had yet to go off. So, I lay in bed and looked at the time on the iPhone and just closed my eyes and listened to the early morning sounds of suburbia. I live in a relatively quiet neighborhood but the sounds you hear in silence are more defined compared to the sounds you hear when everyone is awake.

It is amazing all the sounds you hear just before the crack of dawn. When I was young, I used to get up at 4am to meditate, pray and go to school. The time has started getting later and later as I get older. However, all that changed recently and I have had to get up relatively early again. The last month or so, I have been waking at around half past six to prepare myself for work mainly to reach the office at eight so that I am amongst the early birds who gets parking.

As I listen to the sound of silence and inactivity in the neighborhood, I listen to the sound of the roaring engines of a commercial flight returning to Malaysia from some distant land. My house is nearly forty kilometers for the nearest airport and normally I would not hear the planes.

Surprisingly, Lassie, the dog from across the street that usually barks a lot is likely a sleep but I hear a barking of a dog some distant away, it is a familiar bark and it is likely a dog that actually lives two streets away.

I hear the distant sound of the LRT train stopping at the station which is a 2 kilometers away. It reminds me of my days living in Bukit Mertajam many years ago. BM is at the crossroads of the Malaysian rail system and pretty much every train has to pass BM to go anywhere from north to south.

I hear the water flowing from the water feature upfront and the change from one motor to the other motor to pump the water through the feature. The pressure of the water changes ever so slightly when the motors change as they take turns to pump the water.

I hear the water bubbles from the fish tank in the living room which houses our one loner fish in our huge fish tank and wonder what Sid the fish is doing.

I hear the mosquito engines of the small cupcai motorcycle, likely that of the newspaper vendor delivering the papers. Those days, I would have guessed the milkman too but lately the milkman comes in an open back 4-wheel Ford truck. During my younger days growing up in Penang, I knew the names of my milkman, postman, newspaper delivery man, roti (bread) man and even my gardener whom all rode on what it seemed like the same bicycle, well at least the same type of bicycle. You know the old big bicycles that only came in black color.

I remember that I went to the bicycle shop to inquire on the bicycle and wanted to buy one. It was only seventy ringgit compared to the racing bike that my brother got which was four hundred and twenty ringgit and stolen within a week of purchase. My friend bought a BMX, which was like the mountain bike of those days, for nearly five hundred and that too was stolen in a month. So, I reckoned I would buy the cheap generic old bicycle, some that had brands of soft carbonated drinks like Seven Up. My father would have none of that and I never ended up buying the cheap bicycle.

I hear Al E stirring in his basket and I come back to my presence. As soon as I get up, he is up following me like a shadow. His cough is not so incessant and he is getting better but he is not fully recovered yet and the doctor said it will take up to two to three weeks. Luckily he has learned to get his phlegm out likely from imitating his human mommy. After all, he learned to pee imitating his human daddy as well.

As KL slowly brightens up, “Pham” I hear the newspaper land outside on my garage and the mosquito bike goes off in a jiffy to deliver to another home.

I used to work in The Star, it was my first real job in Malaysia. Yet, I do not read the newspaper anymore. I used too, but nowadays, I am reading the news online and in real time. The world has changed and I with it. What is printed in the newspaper is not news anymore but history. I do like reading the other sections and especially the cartoons but I rarely skim through the news section anymore.

I guess the newspaper still thrives because many Malaysians of a generation before like my father still like to read the newspaper although he too watches CNN, Al Jazeera, Astro Awani, CNBC on the Astro channels so often that most of the news in the morning paper is also already history for him.

Slowly, within the house as well as outside, KL comes to life and all the sounds I hear slowly dissipates into the ambient noise of daily life and is no longer distinguishable or unique. How nice it is to sometimes get up earlier in the morning and listen to the wonders of the nature and the sounds of the waking city. I should do this more often, I should start getting up earlier. I should go to bed earlier so I get a good rest at night and be able to get up in the morning before my alarm rings.

It has not been easy to go to bed early. The stress levels have been somewhat high. I have been meditating less and even doing less Reiki on myself. I have only been doing Reiki on Al E for him to get better sooner. But I heeded the advice given to me by my guardian and shut off at half past eleven. No reading, no phones, no television, no internet and no talking. If I cannot sleep, then to lie down in bed to meditate, to do Reiki or whatever else that did not require activity. That is what I did last night and I was able to automatically get up earlier today and beat my alarm clocks.

I should continue to do this. It gives me a good rest. It allows me to appreciate the morning more. It leaves me with a fresh, clear and open mind that makes me feel like I can achieve what I set myself to.

I should but would I? I must and I will.

Take care and be well.

Stop!!

2011-07-20T19:41:00.000+08:00

I will not stop.
I will not stop when I die.
I will not stop in this life.
I will not stop to grow.
I will not stop to learn.
I will not stop here nor there.
I will not stop anywhere.

There are places I need to go.
And there are places I need to see.
There are things I need to do.
I will take time to smell the flowers in the garden
I will take time to play with my furry little boy
I will take time to spend and talk to my loving wife
And I will even take time to talk with the crappy ole fella.
I will also take time to talk to my guardians and angels
and most of all,
I will take time to appreciate God and his work.

But I will not stop to grow
I will not stop to learn
I will not stop to develop
I will not stop to grow
I will not stop to learn
I will not stop to develop

You can try to stop me
Put up a wall in front of me
Tie me
Kick me
Push me
Whack me
Demean me
Demotivate me

But

I will not stop to grow.
I will not stop to learn.
I will not stop to develop.

Will you stop?

Take care and be well.

A parking spot!!!

2011-07-18T07:27:00.001+08:00

I was suddenly awoken from my sound sleep with a noise of elephant trumpeting in the room. First I thought it was just my wife who came to bed and was blowing her nose but the sound was different and louder. I got up and realize the noise was coming from my pet dog, Al E Baba.

I had barely slept a few winks before this loud trumpeting noise woke me up. I was awake reading 21 Mortals until after midnight. I looked at my iPhone clock and it was only 2:46am. Al E was blowing and coughing away very loudly and all that came out from his mouth was green sticky gooey phlegm.

I had to try to go back to sleep. I had an early day in the morning with a meeting set by my new staff at 8am. Furthermore, since moving to this new building called U-Village in Cyberjaya, there is not enough parking and those coming late are unlikely to find any street parking whatsoever. I just had my car towed about 3 weeks ago and it was an expensive dent in my wallet when I had to pay the Sepang Council 270 ringgit to get my car out.

It was going to be a busy day, meetings starting at 8am, interview at 10am, time maybe for a quick lunch and then more meetings in the afternoon until 5pm.

But I could not get any sleep now with all the racket and trumpeting from Al E. I am concerned as well. I treat Al E like my fury little son. He sleeps with us in the room but not on our bed, he has his own little basket on the floor.

This is not the first time this has happened. Whenever Al E gets a cold, he will trumpet and cough desperately to try to get the phlegm out and then look at us innocently and apologetically. I see the glint of mischievousness and intelligence in him. After all, he is named after Albert Einstein.

“But why Al E Baba, what is the Baba for?” many people have asked me. Of course it is linked to Ali Baba and the story in The Arabian Nights but what do most people think of when they think of Ba Ba?

Some people get it immediately, like Ba Ba Black Sheep or like a guruji or babaji. Al E is a black cocker spaniel and they do tend to look like little sheep.

So there was Al E, looking at me and my wife apologetically while trumpeting and coughing and blowing heavily from his chest, trying his best to get all the gooey phlegm out and for him to breathe more easily.

For a dog his size, barely 14 kilograms and maybe about two and a half feet in length and 2 feet in height, he sure could make noises like an elephant. I am sure he woke up everyone in the house and perhaps even a few neighbors.

There is not much the wife or I could do to help him except to comfort him and pet him and be with him for the time being. There are no emergency vets open at this hour, and furthermore, it was not that big of an emergency. He has done this before when he was having a cold.

Al E has to some extent been like a Babaji, he is pretty much my first real pet and therefore, just understanding and learning his behaviors has been something new for me. And while all pet owners feel their pets are all very smart, well, I am no different. After all, he is named Al E for Albert Einstein.

After a while, I get on the floor and sleep next to him, just rubbing his chest and he too goes to sleep, maybe for an hour or so. But the hard wooden floor is not something either of us can take for too long, and we are awake again.

Before you know it, my first alarm on the iPhone rings, then the second, and third and finally the fourth time before I finally get up. Usual routine as I sit on the throne and shave my stubbles that have grown over the weekend with my 3 headed Phillips electric shaver. Outside, I hear Al E going about his trumpeting and coughing. After a quick shower, I clean up all his phlegm on the floor and get dressed and rush to the office.

It is later than usual as I rush downstairs to my car. It is already 7:30 and I can only hope to find a parking spot in Cyberjaya. It usually take about thrity minutes on the best day to reach the office from Bangsar Baru, through the Midvalley circles and on to Jalan Cheras and then the Maju Expressway all the way to Cyberjaya. But as I am driving, I can only think of Al E getting well and whether I will get a parking spot.

A parking spot! That’s life. Sometimes we are worried about things that seem so trivial and unimportant. But those are the circumstances; this is the life of a middle aged single income office executive in this world of ever increasing costs.

As I reach Cyberjaya and find a parking spot and put in coins in the electronic parking ticketing machine, I just come to realization that I am becoming like a robot. A parking spot!!!!

Take care and be well.

Cliché

2011-07-17T21:06:00.000+08:00

I was told that my writing has some typical cliché by the creative writing instructor, touché.

I think when you are teaching students about cliches--I usually hear teachers in the faculty room disparaging student use of cliches--that you need to realize that students are just learning cliches, so technically they don't know that they are cliches.

Typical advice goes something like this, "You should avoid using a cliché in your writing like the plague. It's simply an expression that has become overused to the point it has lost the impact; such as 'avoid...like the plague.'"

How do you define cliche? If there is a universal feeling, there is a cliche to go with it.

A cliche is not just something that lots of people say; It's something that lots of people say and it conveys some sort of idea or message. A cliche is, in other words, a metaphor characterized by its overuse.

Wikipedia states that cliché is an expression, idea, or element of an artistic work which has been overused to the point of losing its original meaning or effect, rendering it a stereotype, especially when at some earlier time it was considered meaningful or novel.

Cliché in writing or speech is generally considered a mark of inexperience or unoriginality.

Well, if I was a great writer, I would not be going to a creative writing class in the first place would I?

Actually, I would not have been going to this class either except that it is a gift from a friend and it is a wonderful and thoughtful gift. If I do want to become a published writer, I do need to get off from the clichés that I have been using in my blog.

"It is a dark and stormy night" and "A hot summer day" are amongst my most popular blog posts but they are not going to get me published.

So, I am in this class run by Silverfish Books and whom do I meet in class but an old friend from my previous working life.

I guess there is always a purpose and reason for everything you do and everyone you meet. I may not know it now but there is a purpose for this.

At the moment I got too much in my mind to think about. Shall I apply for that new job? Shall I call in my network buddies and my head hunter friends yet? What is happening to this share market? What is the status of my migration visa application? How do I motivate myself and get all the bloody mundane stuff done? How do I make this place a little more positive?

I am just tired of all this. I wish I could just beam myself away to another planet, another time, another dimension away from all this problems and issues. Then I re-read Bukowski, “Air and light and time and space have nothing to do with it and don’t create anything except create a longer life to find new excuses for.”

I knew I was just finding excuses to go away. I was tired of this place, this city, the people, the family, the life and the work. I just wanted to be in another place. I didn’t need to be in another place. What I need is to make this place what I want it to be, what I need is to find the change from within me and what I needed was to finally stand up and be the man of this house. I needed to take charge of this place again.

I need to use my guardians and angels and let them guide me to seek the peace within myself. I need to beam me within myself and change from within because if no change comes from within, I am just without.

Take care and be well.

No clichés were harmed during the writing of this blog.

Bism-i-llah a-Rahman-i-Rahim

2011-07-15T00:23:00.002+08:00

Are you familiar with either of the images above?

Both are images of compassion.

One is Avalokiteśvara and the other is Kuan Yin. Both are essentially the same person.

Avalokiteśvara (Sanskrit: अवलोकितेश्वर lit. "Lord who looks down") is a bodhisattva who embodies the compassion of all Buddhas. The original name for this bodhisattva was Avalokitasvara. The Chinese name for Avalokitasvara is Guānshìyīn Púsà (觀世音菩薩), which is a translation of the earlier name "Avalokitasvara Bodhisattva."

This bodhisattva is variably depicted as male or female, and may also be referred to simply as Guānyīn in certain contexts.

In Sanskrit, Avalokitesvara is also referred to as Padmapāni ("Holder of the Lotus") or Lokeśvara ("Lord of the World").

Kuan Yin is often know as the Goddess of Mercy or Goddess of Compassion.

Compassion is a virtue, one in which the emotional capacities of empathy and sympathy (for the suffering of others) are regarded as a part of love itself, and a cornerstone of greater social interconnection and humanism.

The Second Epistle to the Corinthians is one place where God is spoken of as the "Father of compassion" and the "God of all comfort" (1.3). Jesus embodies for Christians, the very essence of compassion and relational care. Christ challenges Christians to forsake their own desires and to act compassionately towards others, particularly those in need or distress.

In the various Hindu traditions, compassion is called daya, and, along with charity and self-control, is one of the three central virtues.The importance of compassion in the Hindu traditions reaches as far back as the Vedas.

"Compassion is that which makes the heart of the good move at the pain of others. It crushes and destroys the pain of others; thus, it is called compassion. It is called compassion because it shelters and embraces the distressed," The Buddha.

Compassion for all life, human and non-human, is central to the Jain tradition. Though all life is considered sacred, human life is deemed the highest form of earthly existence. To kill any person, no matter their crime, is considered unimaginably abhorrent.

In the Jewish tradition, God is the Compassionate and is invoked as the Father of Compassion:hence Raḥmana or Compassionate becomes the usual designation for His revealed word.

Bism-i-llah a-Rahman-i-Rahim.

In the Muslim tradition, foremost among God's attributes are mercy and compassion or, in the canonical language of Arabic, Rahman and Rahim. Each of the 114 chapters of the Quran, with one exception, begins with the verse, "In the name of God the Compassionate, the Merciful." A Muslim commences each day, each prayer and each significant action by invoking God the Merciful and Compassionate, by reciting, "Bism-i-llah a-Rahman-i-Rahim."

Compassion and affection are human values independent of religion.

We need these human values. These are secular beliefs. There’s no relationship with any particular religion. Even without religion, even as nonbelievers, we have the capacity to promote these values of compassion.

So, the question there lies is, "Do you feel you are a compassionate person?"

Most of us will automatically answer yes, which if true would make this world a perfect and wonderful place to live in. But then ask again, "Am I truly a compassionate person? What actions have I taken in my life today to show my compassion to others?"

We all have a long way to go, we are humans, we are not perfect, life is not easy but honestly, it can be easy, you can be compassionate in every way every day, if you so choose to be.

Take care and be well.

Two days it all it takes

2011-07-12T05:35:00.000+08:00

Two days is all it takes. The last domicile of mine in Australia as taken from the "beaches" of Soutbank by the Brisbane River on a fresh clear cool crisp morning where I hear the birds chirping and the air is so fresh.

Then, I bid goodbye to Australia and come back home. Home sweet home. Back to Al E boy, back to my nice home with the nice backyard garden.

I was hoping to come back to a nice clean Malaysia. After all, I heard the "Bersih" rally was a success.

But alas, I come back to the haze and pollution.

In Australia, they start charging the heaviest polluters for CO2 emissions. It is not a popular tax but overall people there care for their environment. Recycling is mandatory. I did not see any dog shit on the roads or pavements despite having seen many many dogs. I could open the window and breathe fresh crisp air. I can open a tap and drink water out of the tap in any location, including a public toilet.

I come back to a hazy polluted Kuala Lumpur where the air is barely breathable, the birds in the garden have probably moved south to Brisbane and the water is as brown as a nice cup of tea ... only that it is not a nice cup of tea.

And the politicians here are as clean as the air that we breathe in with their hazy statements and policies and as dirty as the water that comes out of our taps ... filled with shit.

I have been voting DAP in past elections in my previous constituency of Bukit Mertajam. And while DAP or Penang may be a better run state and DAP may even be the best opposition party but that is like saying the deep blue sea is better than the devil.

When I was a journo some 20 years ago, I was working in the news desk of the major newspapers in Malaysia and have met most of these heroes we have in politics today. Thus, if you say BN is corrupt and dirty. Yes, I agree fully. But Anwar is my other option.

I am now registered to vote but cannot vote because of a change in address. Whereas we have the oldest people in the world, some 130 years old, who are still registered voters.

I have made my decision that my vote will not be given blindly to the opposition or the BN. It will likely not be given at all considering the choices I have in my constituency.

Anyways, I am back home but home is where my heart is. My heart is where my immediate family is, my loving wife, my adorable and loving furry little boy Al E and despite sometimes the crappiness, even my caring old man.

I would one day like to go back to Brisbane, for a visit, maybe for work, maybe to retire ... not sure which at the moment but I will be guided to do so when the time is right and ripe.

Until then, I have to put on a mask to slightly filter the air and double filter the tap water to drink clean water and screw the politics of this country and just get down and do the things I need to do.

Take care and be well.

Surrealism

2011-07-09T00:12:00.000+08:00

I am a writer. But am I a surrealist writer?

I guess sometimes we all can be.

While the word did not really make sense to me. Surrealism seems to be a combination of sure and realism, and sounds a little bit sarcastic. "Sure I am a realist ...... not!"

According the the online sources, Surrealism is a cultural movement that began in the early 1920s, and is best known for the visual artworks and writings of the group members. Surrealist works feature the element of surprise, unexpected juxtapositions and humor.

However, many Surrealist artists and writers regard their work as an expression of the philosophical movement first and foremost, with the works being an artifact. Leader André Breton was explicit in his assertion that Surrealism was above all a revolutionary movement.

Surrealism developed out of the Dada activities during World War I and the most important center of the movement was Paris. From the 1920s onward, the movement spread around the globe, eventually affecting the visual arts, literature, film and music of many countries and languages, as well as political thought and practice, philosophy and social as well as political theories.

World War I scattered the writers and artists who had been based in Paris, and in the interim many became involved with Dada, believing that excessive rational thought and bourgeois values had brought the conflict of the war upon the world. The Dadaists protested with anti-art gatherings, performances, writings and art works. After the war, when they returned to Paris, the Dada activities continued.

So, why do I write about surrealism on my travels?

Well, as soon as we are ready, we are heading out for a later breakfast and go to GoMA or Gallery of Modern Arts in Brisbane, another destination just a stones throw from our hotel and a nice walk down the Southbank of Brisbane River.

Brisbane GoMA is currently having a surrealism art display. As such, it made me wonder what surrealism is all about.

Dr Zhivago , the book written by Boris Pasternak and one time banned by the red shirts or the red army or the communist must surely fall into that category.

I have always said that everything happens for a reason.

Yesterday, Dr Zhivago musical stirred somethings within me. And today, a art exhibition.

I remember a long time ago, when I was maybe five or six, I told my mother that I wanted to become like Mahatma Gandhi. That was just a child's foolish dream to lead a revolution.

Do we need a revolution?

Do we need rallies?

A revolution by the people for the people eventually requires a leader that is also going to be corrupted.

Look at what happened to all the countries that have had revolutions.

In Russia, the red shirt revolution started by the people with idealistic beliefs soon became the Red Army and the communist party which created the great iron curtain which eventually tumbled and now Russia is back to the corrupted bourgeois society it was before the revolution.

A revolution requires no leaders, no speakers and no rallies.

We need writers, poets, artists and speakers to stir that feeling into the farmer, the driver, the gardener, the housewife, the businessman, the politician, the IT service manager or the other writers, poets, artists and speakers.

We need people to believe in change and change themselves.

Surrealism.... is it realistic or idealistic. Sure I am a realist. I know I cannot change the whole world nor can I change things within my family. But what I can do is change myself with the help of my guardians and angels and hopefully with the guidance from God, I can change myself.

If each one of us stopped pointing fingers and just changed themselves positively, the world will already be a better place to live in.

We do not need clean yellow tee shirts or green or blue or any color shits for the matter of fact. I am today wearing a purple shirt and tomorrow a black shirt. Why? Because those are the only two unwashed shirts left in my bag. There is no idealistic reason for it, just a realistic and practical reason for it.

Today I enjoy the rest of what Brisbane has to offer me and then another day tomorrow in this interesting city before I head back to my home on a late night flight.

Take care and be well.

Zhivago

2011-07-08T00:12:00.000+08:00

Dr Zhivago, the movie with Omar Sharif is amongst my dad's favorite movies and while I knew about it, I have to shamefully admit that I have never completely seen the whole movie.

But today, after arriving in Brisbane in the last leg of our trip and walking down by the river in Southbank, barely a stones throw away from our hotel, we decided to see if we could get tickets for the musical play that was premiering today at the Queensland Performing Arts Center.

We were lucky to get 2 tickets quite way up high but with a clear view of the stage and what a memory and highlight of Brisbane we will take back.

The play was marvelous and makes me want to dig out my DVD collection to see if I have the movie somewhere or even go buy it from AmCorp mall and watch the movie version of it.

The play was really something and reminds me of what is happening in Malaysia right now with all the politics and rallies and restrictions.

The red army or white army, the yellow shirts or red shirts or green shirts ... at the end of the day, we are all Malaysians, we are all Asians, we are all Earthlings ... born and created equal in the eyes of God.

And yet, here we are.

As my journey in Queensland comes to an end, I wonder what Malaysia will I arrive at on Sunday.

Peace be with you all.

Remember, we are all the same. Race is something that there is a start and a finish and a winner ... like the 100 meter dash in the Olympics or the Wimbledon tennis final that just completed or the Spanish Formula 1 race.

Indian, Chinese, Malay, Kayan, Iban, Caucasian, Kadazan is not a race, it is just our ethnicity. We are not in a race to prove one is better than the other.

I am human and earthling. I am not a race and I am not here to be number 1.

Take care and be well.

Absynthe

2011-07-07T11:11:00.001+08:00

Absinthe is the highly alcohol content drink that I personally have never tried. It is an anise flavoured spirit derived from the flowers and leaves of the herb Artemisia absinthium commonly referred to as "grande wormwood", together with green anise and sweet fennel. Absinthe traditionally has a natural green colour but can also be colourless. It is commonly referred to in historical literature as la fée verte (the "green fairy" in French). Although it is sometimes mistakenly called a Liqueur, absinthe is not bottled with added sugar and is therefore classified as a spirit.

Absinthe also happened to be the favorite drink of Vincent Van Gogh ... no wonder he cut his ears off and was hearing things, who would not after drinking Absinthe.

Anyways, the Absynthe I am talking about is this restaurant on Surfers Paradise in Gold Coast.

It is run and owned by two star Michelin chef Meyjitte Boughenout. Meyjitte was the person who served us and also recommended for us to go to some restaurants in Brisbane.

Sometimes, food is food. A roti canai that I buy in Bangsar for 50 Malaysian cents is no different from the 18 ringgit roti canai that some 5 star hotels serve in KL.

But when you eat by food prepared by a great creator, inventor and artiste of food, you are bound to get something you have never had before.

The food in Absyenthe is by far amongst the tastiest and most creative food that I have eaten in quite some time and wonder how some of the so called expensive restaurants in KL get away by charging an arm and a leg and serving crap.

When compared to food prices in KL, prices in good restaurants here are cheaper. The produce is fresher. The wine is also better.

In life, sometimes you need to enjoy the luxuries and have some fun and enjoy. But if you are amongst those that go to 5 star hotels in KL to eat 18 ringgit roti canai when the best roti canai is 50 cents, then you are pretty much an idiot.

Not necessary expensive means fresh and good but sometimes you have to pay price for creativity and taste.

Van Gogh was worth nothing and died a poor man but his paintings now are amongst the most expensive in the world.

Would you like to live a legacy like Van Gogh who died a poor man but be famous and popular after you have died?

Or would you rather be like Salvador Dali who enjoyed life, lived a rich live and died a rich man and still left a legacy?

Would you rather be stingy and selfish and greedy and not enjoy your life you have to live now for a uncertain afterlife or would you rather enjoy your life now, do good, be good and have fun and let the afterlife come when it comes?

I rather have fun, eat great food at wonderful places and have a life that people will say was worth living.

If you are on Gold Coast, go have food in Absynthe as well as in the small Japanese bistro run by a Japanese family. But do not go and spend 20 aussie dollars on a lousy mee goreng in a Malaysian restaurant.

Take care and be well.

Sunburned while asleep

2011-07-06T14:53:00.000+08:00

Facing the wide Pacific Ocean and facing east can be hazardous to your health as you can get sunburned while you are sleeping.

Last night we had quite a bit of fun and went to sleep close to half past one in the morning after a nice dinner and late night cap in the bar in the hotel.

Of course, being on the twelfth floor, we kept the curtains open so that the sunrise will wake us up. The thing is, the sun rises slightly before 6. The time we wanted to get up was around 7:30.

By 7:30, the sun is well up in the sky shinning brightly through the large balcony doors of the room and magnifying the heat through the door and pricking the skin.

I never would have imagined that we could get sunburned in the winter but the sun in the Gold Coast is relentless and bright and pricking, no different from the sun in Malaysia ... after all, it is the same sun.

The QT Hotel is quite a nice chic hotel that was recently re-opened after renovations and therefore we got it for quite a decent price. Breakfast at the Bazaar has been wonderful and so far, the Aussie mates have been quite a friendly bunch.

As usual, the "born again" ones are the extreme ones. I remember when I went to USA, so of my fellow Malaysians picked up and were trying very hard to be Americanised and spoke the American slang withing 2 to 3 days of being in the country.

Anyways, today has been a relatively quite day or driving around to outside of Surfer's Paradise to other suburbs of Gold Coast where the locals seem to hang out.

There is some gems of places out there but still, I am not convinced that Gold Coast is better than Sunshine Coast.

Of course, to each their own. Some people like the glitter of the God Coast and the tackiness of the Surfers Paradise and the 4 major theme parks and many many activities to do 24x7 but I guess I am not that someone anymore.

I enjoy the relaxation and the quietness sometimes to take away from the hustle and bustle of Koala Lumpur.

I like places where people greet you and smile.

Oh well, the time to bid farewell to Gold Coast comes tomorrow and time to say hello to Southbank, Brisbane.

A few days n Southbank and then fly back home .. hopefully all cleaned up by Bersih.

I unfortunately forgot to bring any of my company safety day tee shirts which are usually the same yellow colour as bersih. I guess my company and a few others may just have to issue tee shirts in different colours now.

It is now nearly 5pm and the skies are already getting dark, so another day over and another night has began in this journey.

There have been good times and bad times, but these memories remain of a new place, new friends, new experiences to continue this journey called Life.

Sometimes, it is good not to face the sun as you may become blind to what is ahead of you but it is not necessary good to also be against the sun as it can just burn and prick you in the back. So, walk if you must, but do close the curtains sometimes or carry an umbrella which can be useful for both a sunny day as well as a rainy day.

Come join me in my journey, under my umbrella, you will be protected.

Take care and be well.

Mr Tamborine Man

2011-07-05T15:28:00.000+08:00

So, this is Mr Tamborine Man, Pappa Hemingway, Michael Ward, the owner of Tamborine Mountain Distillery.

We went away from the paradise of surfers and shoppers and headed inwards to the hinterlands of the Tamborine Mountains and in the north of the mountains, we met the mountain Tamborine man.

He let us try his liqueurs and vodkas and brandy but just enough to give us a light buzz without the dizziness of being too drunk.

He told us tales of his distillery and how he is hoping to get his stock into shops in KL. He already has some distributor in the duty free Eagle Island up north (Langkawi).

As we drove around the cool mountain side and stopped for a wonderful meal in The Kitchen Table in the small little town of North Tamborine, we just sat and breathed in the coll crisp and fresh mountain air and ate the wonderful fresh produce away from the business of the surfers and shoppers down below in the coast where it was all glitter but no gold.

The Queensland Hinterlands and the Sunshine Coast are not very frequented by the normal tourists we see all around the world right now ~ mainly rich Indians and Chinese (after all, they do make up more than 2 billion of the world population).

I have nothing against Indians and Chinese but when a place is invaded by them, you will start seeing cheap Indian and Chinese restaurants that just churn out commercial food. You will see bargain basement type shopping which is mainly made in India and China because it is just cheaper to produce
there. But of course, they will still buy the stuff because it is bought in Australia.

I enjoy a relaxing holiday without the 5 or 10 amusement parks and the crowds and the cheap tacky restaurants that no longer serve authentic cuisine or the shops with the cheap toys.

I think maybe one day I will retire to the hinterlands and become a mountain Tamborine man or mountain Flame Hill / Montville man making wine or liqueurs and enjoying the cool crisp mountain air away from the glitter and truly be in the golden era.

I remember stories from religion as well as history books, it seemed all the sages, gurus, prophets etc. always went to the mountains to seek guidance. Whether it was the ten commandments or Mount Ararat or Mount Abu or the Himalayas ... all these people seem to go to mountains.

I have never heard of Jesus or Mohammad or Mahavir or Guru Nanak ever going to Surfers Paradise .... or any commercialised busy beaches for the matter of fact.

Anyways, we are enjoying our time here and today, we will have another Guru hosting us for a meal ... well, not complete Guru yet and still studying, so, the last U is still missing.

I have hope and faith that this Guru may be able to change our minds but nevertheless, I am happy, I am relaxed and I am contented.

When you have had songs and liqueurs from the Tamborine Man, who will not be.

Take care and be well.

Cutie on Gold Coast

2011-07-04T19:04:00.001+08:00

Left the Sunshine Coast and little town that has been our home for the last 5 days. Coloundra has treated us well an yes, while we have only been there for 5 days, it was like home. You know when you feel home when others start asking you for directions.

Some Aussies asked us for directions to the Pizza Capers in Coloundra and we have been "regulars" at our local coffee shop for our late breakfasts.

Also, the Sunshine Coast mostly gets local or Aussie tourist, so when they see 2 Malaysians there, they think we are Aussies rather than international tourists.

That has all gone now. It took us 2 hours and 15 minutes from Coloundra to the Gold Coast. Checked in to Cutie hotel in Surfers Paradise in mid afternoon and went out for a walk after unpacking our bags.

While Cutie hotel is rather cute, chic and modern ... I can't say the same yet for Surfer's Paradise which I find not so cute and rather tacky.

By the way, it is QT Hotel which is sort of Cutie right.

As we walked our way out in the Surfer Paradise strip, and got to Hard Rock to buy our collection of tee shirts, we pass by one typical and tacky shop after another.

In five days in Coloundra, I did not see any Arab, Chinese, Indonesian or Indian tourist apart from ourselves.

In 3 hours in Surfers Paradise, I have seen more Arabs, Indians, Indonesian and Chinese tourist compared to the number of Aussies I have seen.

The shop and restaurants that I have seen cater to the tourist ... so very tacky touristy items made in China rather than local designs.

The only local stuff I saw was Ugg shoes and they are bloody ugly and expensive although would be damn comfortable for the winter months of Malaysia .... (eyes rolling).

Anyway, as always, we got to make the best of things and we will.

Tomorrow, a good friend's son, Mr G is picking us up for dinner and during the day, I am thinking to get out of the tackiness of Surfers Paradise and go to Tamborine Mountains about 40 minutes away.

Escape to the mountains mainly to visit a distillery of fine liqueurs, schnapps, vodkas and Eaux de Vie (a clear colourless fruit brandy).

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come followin’ you

Though I know that evenin’s empire has returned into sand
Vanished from my hand
Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping
My weariness amazes me, I’m branded on my feet
I have no one to meet
And the ancient empty street’s too dead for dreaming

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come followin’ you

Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin’ ship
My senses have been stripped, my hands can’t feel to grip
My toes too numb to step
Wait only for my boot heels to be wanderin’
I’m ready to go anywhere, I’m ready for to fade
Into my own parade, cast your dancing spell my way
I promise to go under it

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come followin’ you

Though you might hear laughin’, spinnin’, swingin’ madly across the sun
It’s not aimed at anyone, it’s just escapin’ on the run
And but for the sky there are no fences facin’
And if you hear vague traces of skippin’ reels of rhyme
To your tambourine in time, it’s just a ragged clown behind
I wouldn’t pay it any mind
It’s just a shadow you’re seein’ that he’s chasing

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come followin’ you

Then take me disappearin’ through the smoke rings of my mind
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves
Let me forget about today until tomorrow

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come followin’ you.

Take care and be well.

Merry Go Round and Round around Flame Hill

2011-07-03T00:01:00.000+08:00

Today, I had booked a table at the Flame Hill vineyard. And duly set out 2 hours earlier to reach flame hill for our reservation at 1pm.

It was supposed to be a trip of 30-45 minutes that end up taking nearly 2 hours.

The GPS asked to go a certain way and was persistent we use that way although the road ahead was closed and there was a detour.

So, I followed the detour and hoped that like all other GPS, it will recalculate an alternate route. It found an alternate route which led me through gravel road and other road which I hoped would be the right road, only to end up at the same closed road.

Then, I called to try to understand how to get there but still could not find a way.

On a verge of giving up, I went back down to the small town of Munchy that I had seen earlier, parked my car, went in to a small empty restaurant and told them I was lost.

So, in the end, with old fashioned way of using directions from people, strangers in Munchy, I finally found the right road and we finally reached Flame Hill vineyard 3 minutes to 1pm.

After reaching there, I have absolutely no regrets of having gone round and round and yet not giving up.

The reward was spectacular, the wine, the food, the service was the best so far in our trip and the view was to die for.

The weather was wonderful.

On my journey today, there are a few simple lessons that all of us sometimes keep learning.

We may be going round and round in circles when we are so close to our goal but we never reach our end goal because we never stop to ask.

And, not to give up so easily because once we do reach the end goal, there are always rewards.

Same goes with search for spirituality or God or your guardians or just a general sense of peace.

It may take time and it may seem that you may be going in circles so close to the end target, but do not give up because the rewards are plentiful.

Take care and be well.

Come fly away with me

2011-07-02T07:08:00.000+08:00

I am here. Mostly the south coastal side, but I am here on a well needed break.

And the wi-fi or Internet connections are not as easy to find as I had hoped. This my blogging may be quite infrequent.

But my thoughts are always with you ... yes, you know who you all are.

I am grateful, I am happy and I am relaxed. Come fly away with me and we will bask in the sunshine of the sunshine coast, create golden memories in gold coast and well, bane our goodbyes in Brisbane.

Come fly away with us, me and wifey. Another 7 more days.

Then we will be back, in hot sunny Malaysia where I can no longer wear my company t-shirts because I heard that the colour yellow has been banned.

Until then, come fly away with me, to the sun and the surf, to the seas, feeding dolphins and watching whales.

Take care and be well.

It was a dark stormy night

2011-06-28T00:12:00.001+08:00

The past few days have been hot and humid days where the skin prickles like you're literally being satay-ed on a skewer.

But tonight, the air is different. There is an eerie quietness in the air. The air is still and humid.

And then all of a sudden, a bright light across the sky lits it up for a split second. Was it an explosion, a UFO? Are aliens invading the Earth?

Then another bright light. And a few seconds later a loud bang kaboom like an explosion in a distance.

Another bright light and another explosion and then loud pellets on the roof of the house.

It just another tropical storm. Lightning litting up the skies in split second intervals, the thunder booming across the valley of mud that I live in and the huge tropical raindrops hitting on the roof sounding like air strike machine guns from Japanese bombers. Not that I have even experienced that but I have seen movies like 'Tora!Tora!Tora!' to know enough.

When I was young, I was extremely scared of the huge thunderstorms that we would have. The wreckage that you see in the aftermath of a storm was devastating. Old trees uprooted, branches all over the road, cars damaged.

When I lived in Miri by the beach, facing the South China Sea, barely a few hundred kilometers away from Philippines, the storms would come in from the sea, fast and with such a ferocity that would make Mirians cower in their houses.

Al E and I would stand by the balcony, defiant against the Greek God's of Thunder, Lightning and storm and think out, 'Bring it on boys!'.

The lightning litting up the ocean, huge waves crashing against the beach and the loud ferocious sound of the thunder was no match for the fearless dog and his master.

The beauty is all that the saw and heard. And the aftermath of the storm was a beautiful orchestra of frogs and toads that melodiously sang their tune into the dampness of the night.

While people everywhere are seeking happiness, the protagonist today is wondering, "Are all people seeking happiness in this lifetime? Or are some seeking to lead a sorrowful life? Maybe some are seeking for happiness in the afterlife? But how is that guaranteed?"

I think of every human being as his brothers and sisters.

And wonders why do some brothers and sisters commit suicide bombings or terrorists acts for the happiness of having 99 virgins in their afterlife. Of getting a river filled with milk. And a garden filled with most exotic flowers and fruits.

If the virgins were true, why would they now want to give it up to a person who just blew himself up to bits?

And would the river of milk not spoil and curdle into stinky sour milk. Furthermore, I do not even like milk.

And what about the fruits - something must be wrong if nobody else is eating them. After all, the law of the jungle is simple. If the monkeys or birds are not eating the fruits, neither should you.

I thinks about what my friend said a while back and brings a smile to my face. My friend wants to sue the government because a piece of his body was removed from him without his consent when he was young. He did not have a choice in it. They just cut it out and now he is mad as hell.

It is a common ritual above, every Muslim boy goes through it and mostly without their consent.

I think of some Hindu and Jain priest who give up every attachment in their lives to live a life of detachment. To be closer to God.

But did not God intend for us to be part of society? Even if we detach from things, aren't we all still attached to this body? May as well commit suicide, that would be real detachment then.

I think of my native brothers and sisters in the American continent. Some of them are now doing a Sun Dance. The ritual varies among different tribes but all involve a flesh offering. The purpose of the Sun Dance is to pray while maintaining a connection to the Tree of Life and sacrifice oneself to the Great Spirit. Young men participating in the ritual are pierced through the chest by a skewer and the skewer is attached to a pole in the center of an arena. This pole represents the Tree of Life. The objective is to break free of the skewer by tearing the skewer through one’s skin.

Why would the Great Spirit want you to suffer and possibly loose your life and still call it Tree of Life? Seems more like the Tree of Death. More like survival of the fittest. This seems to be a good way to weed out the weak ones as they will surely die.

Then I think of my Shi'a Muslim brothers who whip themselves with metal chains and spikes during the Zanjeer Zani ritual of mourning for Hussein. And my Hindu brothers who pierce themselves with skewers and hooks during Thaipusam. Other Hindu brothers who make a pilgrimage without shoes on hot Indian tarmac. I also think of my Christian brothers in Spain and Italy who also whip themselves with various chains and spikes until they are bleeding usually during lent period 40 days before Easter and other Christian brothers in Philippines who literally and physically nail themselves on a cross during the Easter weekend.

I guess some people do want to lead a sorrowful life.

I guess living a life of happiness and love maybe will not give them the redemption they seek.

Maybe there is a different heaven for them.

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, energy to energy.

Everything basically goes back to it's common form.

I guess the world is big enough to have many different believes and followers. Some who would build arks and some who would walk down from mountains with tablets with commandments, some who would beat themselves, some who would fast without food or water, some who would even kill for their redemption with whoever God may be.

As for me and my faithful sidekick, I say to the storm, bring it on, bring on the storm, bring on the musical frog orchestra, bring on the pricking hot sunshine.

And for you, "Come in," I say, "We'll give you shelter from the storm."

Take care and be well.

A hot summer day

2011-06-26T18:56:00.000+08:00

I remember the day vaguely. It was a hot summer day. But in Malaysia, everyday can be a hot summer day. The cold January days of Wisconsin were just a blur memory of a past gone by. A time when I was much younger and had six packs to show for it rather than the half-barrel that now makes up my abdomen as my body ages by.

It is always a hot summer day in Malaysia, be it in January or in June. We have 2 weather conditions, hot and wet or hot and humid with the sun pricking your skin like you are slowly being barbecued by Robert Rayford on one of his many barbeque's around his swimming pool.

He has the licence to grill but apparently the Sun has beat him to it. I feel like I am slowly being cooked. This must be what is feels like to be barbecued or microwaved.

I think of the days gone by and the journey that has led me to my current destination. But this is never the final destination.

After all, our body has only one destination, which is to become the dust we are made from. Our soul too has but only one purpose which is to go back to the master energy source which we believe to be God.

As I am skimming through books to take on my upcoming journey, I wonder how many more journeys I will be taking before achieving my purpose. How much things will I see, how many people will I meet, how many will be people I care for, how many will show love and kindness.

Which book do I take on my upcoming journey. The Sea by John Banville which won the Booker Prize award in 2005 seems appropriate but starts out rather boring and cheesy. "They departed, the Gods, on the day of the strange tide. All morning under the bays of milky sky the waters in the bay had swelled and swelled, rising to unheard-of heights, the small waves creeping over parched sand that for years had known no wetting save for rain and lapping the very bases of the dunes."

Can the sentence be any longer?

Maybe I will go Asian and take Grotesque by Natsuo Kirino. I have not read many Japanese authors before, especially a female Japanese. Her books first sentence is, "Whenever I meet a man, I catch myself wondering what our child would look like if we were to make a baby. It's practically second nature to me now."

This is rather an interesting start that maybe makes me want to continue to read this book.

The last book that I am considering to take on my journey is one by a Malaysian author Lim Boo Liat who also writes something that is closer to my heart when he writes about Malaysian indigenous in his book Orang Asli Animal Tales.

I guess it is a collection of short stories and starts of interesting enough. "Being the 'dwarfs' of the forest, the shrews were easy pickings for the larger animals. So small and helpless were these shrews that they had little hope in vying for food against their competitors, much less defending themselves against those who preyed upon them."

It seems interesting but sounds like I am watching some National Geographic documentary.

As I sit here with Al E sighing by my feet, I finish this tale as I leap off from my chair to take him for a walk and then to start packing.

My life journey continues, my soul journey continues. Both searching for the path, the road less travelled or the one trampled on the most. The right or wrong path does not matter, nor does the destination really. The destination has already been predestined. The body will become dust ... from dust to dust. And the soul will become part of the Universal energy.

What matters is what I do on my journeys, on these paths that I am taking. What I have done is past, what I am doing is what matters. And what books I read to past my time on this journey will only guide me to something, be it just information or entertainment.

Which book would you take amongst those above?

Take care and be well.

Quantum Leap to a Quantum Life

2011-06-23T22:10:00.001+08:00

Remember Quantum Leap? Scott Bakula ... was amongst my favorite shows.

How about living a quantum life?

This is what Dr Darren Weissman (or as I say Dr Infinite Love and Gratitude) says about living a quantum life.

I am definitely doing my very best to live a quantum life.

To live a quantum life, it’s imperative to do the following:

Live with vision. All great leaders throughout history have had a clear vision of a truth that resonated deep within their hearts. This vision became the catalyst that set into motion a new way of thinking, feeling, and being. All great leaders, as a result, maintain their clarity of vision regardless of opposition or perceived capabilities. To live with vision means to take the time to silence the mind so that you can see and embrace your truth. Activate the power of the sixth sense—intuition—and trust it to guide you.

Live with hope. Hope is a natural consequence of having clear vision. Its birth rises from darkness, fueled with the vision of promise. At its core, hope allows you to believe in what’s possible…if one person can, we all can. Feel this emotion in your heart. It’s the feeling that imagines, sees, and knows at every juncture of the journey. Hope is the reflection of truth, wholeness, divinity, and oneness. “Roll up your sleeves” and let’s work together. In a world where many see hopelessness as being as normal as the rising sun, begin today to challenge yourself to harvest and sow seeds of hope.

Live with passion. Passion is the energy of your will. It’s what empowers you to take action, transforming hope into possibilities. The question is, what’s your passion? What moves you to get out of bed every day? What makes your heart flutter when you think about it? Do you go to work just to get paid? Do you want to know how to live with passion? Answer this question: What would you be doing at this very moment in your life if you knew with absolute certainty that you couldn’t fail? Allow yourself to honestly and authentically answer this question—from the deepest part of your heart—acknowledging the every-unfolding inner voice of Infinite Love & Gratitude. Decide to act and live with passion. A moment of passion will transform a breaking point into one that is inspirational.

Live with discipline. Discipline distinguishes mastery from mediocrity—mastery that comes from spending time engaged in the journey, rather than sprinting the 50-yard dash. Living with discipline means being willing to change—to alter old patterns of how you consciously choose to respond to your life. With discipline, you can gain insight and wisdom into your true nature. When you accept the inevitability of change, you choose healthier options for yourself.¹ Rather than being a rigid set of rules, living with discipline is based on conscious acts of self-love. It’s loving yourself enough to choose between the pleasures of the moment and the possibilities of an infinite spirit.

Live with gratitude. These days, almost everyone is talking about gratitude.
My role is to accept what happens to me and to do what I can with the possibilities that life offers.

Accepting this is a key to achieving it.

I am going to stop trying to figure out what I did wrong to warrant the problems that I am facing and accept it as part of what happens while living on this planet.

I know I can find freedom in this. Life is what it is. It is short, fleeting but beautiful if you so choose and desire it to be.

And if we can reach unconditional acceptance of that, then the door to true and infinite love and gratitude will open.

To live with infinite love and gratitude is to accept, embrace, forgive, learn, and live with the knowing that life itself is the greatest of all gifts.

My favorite crazy haired guitarist Jimi Hendrix once said, "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."

People are just power crazy nowadays. There are no more leaders but just bosses. There are no more teachers but just fake gurus. There are no more prophets but just preachers.

The power of love and the power of gratitude and the power of forgiveness can and will bring us to the heavens we seek, but are we ready to give up the love for power - of one person being better than another ...

Take care and be well.

Change, will do you good

2011-06-21T23:59:00.001+08:00

Sheryl Crow crows,
A change
(A change would do you good)
Would do you good
(A change would do you good)
I think a change
(A change would do you good)
Would do you good
(A change would do you good)

I am always a big proponent to change but then sometimes I am not. You see, generally, everything in our life is constantly changing.

But what remains the same?

My soul has remained the same while my life keeps changing.

My workplace especially seems to be very active in changing.

But the Crow crows, A change will do you good ... I am yet to see what good it has done.

Sometimes, constant change means you are unable to reap the rewards of the change that is already made.

Imagine if Apple came out with iPhone 3, 3GS, 4, 5 all on the same day or Windows came out with Windows NT, Windows 7, Windows Vista all on the same day.

Okay, maybe a little exaggeration, but imagine drastic changes without consistency, clarity and done through silence.

Hello darkness, my old friend; I've come to talk with you again.

There is absolute sound of silence in the upcoming major changes.

Just like last time, I am left to my own devices to determine that yes, there will be a major change and yes, my role as it is will not exists as it is.

Because a vision softly creeping; Left its seeds while I was sleeping.
And the vision that was planted in my brain, Still remains, Within the sound of silence.

So, will change do me good?

The last time it really did not and this time around there is hope as always because I feel I am better prepared, better guided, more grounded to be able to cope with these changes.

What has always been unfortunate about all these changes is how the management tend to treat employees like little kids and with gloves on.

I remember an article by an ex-colleague who has now left the company after the last change about silence.

He said many people brought up in big cities like Mumbai or Manila, the hardest thing to get used to in Europe was the silence.

Coming from Miri and KL and when I went to Rijswijk in Netherlands, I was also quite taken aback by the silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone, narrow streets of cobblestone.
'Neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp.
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light that split the night,
And touched the sound of silence.
And in the naked light I saw, ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share.

In my relationship with my wife, there may be silence or gaps in the conversation sometimes but that is just a sign of maturity and understanding of each other.

But with my dad, it is altogether another level of silence.

You know sometimes, when I am in a restaurant and I see a whole family - father, mother, grandfather, grandmother, son, daughter - go through a meal without saying a word to one another. Not one word.

And no one dared, disturb the sound of silence
"Fools", said I, "You do not know. Silence like a cancer grows"

Life may not be long but it sure certainly seems sometimes especially around all the silence.

Silence is mostly scary. People hate silence. When you are at a doctors room, a bad prognosis will likely be made after a few seconds onf silent contemplation.

In a horror or suspense movie, silence usually precedes something scary.

And right now at work, I am witnessing too much silence. There is just a lack of overall information and seems anyone that know anything has been forced to sign a non-disclosure agreement.

It is so silent that some people have not even heard of another round of organizational changes coming up.

As another blogger once wrote, what people need in uncertainty is other people to talk to them. And this is not happening enough.

True there are many unanswered question and some things are still in early stages and not ready to be revealed yet but it is always good to just talk, even if it to just say, "Look guys, it's coming but not much can be revealed yet. We hope by this date or so, we will be able to share more." And then invite questions, let people ask questions and take note of people's concerns.

It is never easy, and everyone is busy, not just leaders. There is uncertainty. There are always many many excuses and as they say, an excuse is an excuse.

Hear my words that I might teach you, Take my arms that I might reach you.
But my words, like silent raindrops fell and echoed in the wells of silence.
And the people bowed and prayed to the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning, in the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls"
And whispered in the sounds of silence.

Silence generally reflects badly on all of us.

Go pick up a phone or go see someone and talk to them.

Go say hello to a stranger and genuinely ask them how they are doing.

Go say something to someone. Less silence please.

Take care and be well.

Dreams

2011-06-19T22:11:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, life surely feels like Les Miserables. Do dreams really come true? IN the play, Fantine sings a song, I dreamed a dream as below:

There was a time, when men were kind
And their voices were soft
And their words were inviting
There was a time, when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving

Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they turn your hope apart
As they turn your dreams to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my dreams with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'd come to me
That we would live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from the hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed

I do not know what happened to my dreams. I still have dreams but when I was young, I never dreamed I will be working as a IT Global Service Manager in a big oil and gas company.

I did not dream that at 42, I will still be stressed about the things in life like finances, bill payments, job satisfaction, motivation, drive.

So, what happened to all my dreams when I was young?

Dreams of making it big? Travelling on my own private jets? Of having no worries in the world?

Dreams that people will treat each other as equals?

Dreams that money will no longer be of value and people will do what they are good at?

I dreamed of a world like Star Trek, where people do not work for money anymore as there is no need for money.

But the thing is, I still have not given up dreaming. I am sure you have not given up dreaming as well.

It is nice to dream, but how do we make dreams into reality?

That is where the secret lies.

Some would say it is karma, basically what you are is fated as such.

Some would say that your mind can do wonders, you can open the secret to your wealth and happiness.

But The Secret does not actually reveal true secrets.

Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.

But are we then saying those who do not achieve their dreams are those who do not believe?

The Bible in Mark 11:24 states, "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

I have prayed, I have asked, I have believed .... now I wait for "it" to be mine.

I will keep dreaming, hoping and wishing and most of all believing.

As a wise man once said, "We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true."
Take care and be well.

Choice

2011-06-18T13:16:00.001+08:00

Interesting video on the anxiety of choices in the capitalist world.

How do we make choices and why do we have so much anxiety when making choices?

This touches in believes as well.

What do you believe in? Are these your true believes or because others believe it and you do not want to offend others beliefs?

And choice always involves in some loss. And we also perceive guilt.

This is the ideology of capitalism.

Anyways, take 10 minutes to view this video.

Sometime soon, I will talk about The Age of Reason.

Take care and be well.

Life stands still

2011-06-15T18:14:00.000+08:00

I have not been here for a year and a half but it seems like I was here yesterday.

Life seems to have stood still but people have moved on.

Yes there is a new mall that is now open which was still in construction when I left.

And yes, the MYY mall near the old office is coming up to create more congestion around the small lanes it is being built around. And another mall in an area that I would not normally pass by.

There is that odd construction or another.

The office looks the same, except for a few little changes here and there.

The people are the same, the smiles, the greetings ... but something has changed.

I thought maybe only I have changed. But many things have changed too.

Sometimes, it is in the stillness of my life that I find my motivation.

Sometimes, it is in the stillness of my mind that I find peace.

Sometimes, it is in the stillness of the air that I find messages in the sky.

What has changed? Everything has changed, nothing has changed .... even change has changed.

Transition becomes Strategy Refresh, same old thing with a different name. Outcome uncertain, life the same.

The only thing I am missing as I sit here is home. The only thing I have missed here are the people.

But life sometimes stands still and life sometimes moves on at a break-neck speed.

I am not sure which I am happy with. Standing still, no change, no progression, no movement or move at a breakneck speed, rebel with a cause, get things done, no nonsense.

Ramblings and musings. Love, Gratitude, Forgiveness.

Take care and be well.

Religiously spirtual and Spiritually Religious

2011-06-12T12:38:00.000+08:00

Religious
Of or pertaining to religion; concerned with religion; teaching, or setting forth, religion; set apart to religion; as, a religious society; a religious sect; a religious place; religious subjects, books, teachers, houses, wars.

Religion
The outward act or form by which men indicate their recognition of the existence of a god or of gods having power over their destiny, to whom obedience, service, and honor are due; the feeling or expression of human love, fear, or awe of some superhuman and overruling power, whether by profession of belief, by observance of rites and ceremonies, or by the conduct of life; a system of faith and worship; a manifestation of piety; as, ethical religions; monotheistic religions; natural religion; revealed religion; the religion of the Jews; the religion of idol worshipers.

Spiritual
An ultimate or an alleged immaterial reality;an inner path enabling a person to discover the essence of their being; or the “deepest values and meanings by which people live.”
Spiritual practices, including meditation, prayer and contemplation, are intended to develop an individuals inner life; spiritual experience includes that of connectedness with a larger reality, yielding a more comprehensive self; with other individuals or the human community; with nature or the cosmos; or with the divine realm.
Spirituality is often experienced as a source of inspiration or orientation in life.
It can encompass belief in immaterial realities or experiences of the immanent or transcendent nature of the world.

There have been this discussion and sometimes debate about religion and spirituality. I put the images up here as part of this debate that sometimes goes on.

Some of my friends including myself sometimes say that we are spiritual but not religious.

I have close friends that are very religious.

Anything wrong to be religious and maybe not too spiritual? Or anything wrong to be spiritual but not religious?

And finally, is it possible to be both religious and spiritual?

Who is to say what is wrong or what is right in the first place?

I do not have the authority, the knowledge, the power nor the wisdom to actually say being either is right or wrong.

What is most important of all is what works for you.

If going to church and listening to your pastor every Sunday inspires you and motivates you to be a better person within your own right - then great.

If going to the mosque and praying 5 times a day is what gives you the peace of mind - not the war in mind to be a jihadist - then great.

If going to the temple and lighting a ghee lamp and walking around deities that you know little about gets you going - great for you.

If getting up at 4am and going to some Yoga center to listen to sermons about life and death and end of the world - great for you.

If you are persuaded by some bozo that the world is going to end on May 21 and then he says he calculated it wrong and now the world will end on October 21 - if that works for you, so be it.

At one time or another, Jesus, Mohamad, Budha, etc were all called insane bozo's but they have a huge following.

I am not God to say the bozo in US with the doomsday prediction is wrong. Although I do not believe him to be right but that is my personal believes.

If Moses said a burning bush spoke to him and you believe him - it very well could have.

Brings me to this stupid joke. This is about 6 or 7 years ago that I heard it and George W was president of US at that time. Moses somehow through some time travel happened to be in Washington and as he was walking along, President Bush spotted him and recognised him to be Moses. So he called out to Moses and as soon as Moses saw Bush, he ran as fast as he could.

Somehow the Secret Service managed to catch Moses and brought him to Bush. Bush asked why did you run away from me? Moses said the last time he saw a talking bush, he was banished for 40 years in the dessert, so he did not want to do the same.

Ya ya, it is a stupid joke.

Whether you are spiritual or whether you are religious is of no real concern to me but does it bother you? Are you happy where you are?

If your divine soul in you is not happy where you are in your path right now, you have to find that inner happiness.

Of course, if you believe in bozo's and think you will get 72 or 99 virgins in the sky for killing infidel, then you are a bloody idiot.

Of course, if you believe some old bozo who can't even predict when he will shit next to predict the end of the world, then you are a bozo yourself.

But look at it, you have your life and I have my life.

When our lives cross paths and if it is wonderful, then great. If our lives cross paths and you find me to be a bozo and I find you to be a clown, then too bad.

And when relationships within family break and when friendships of years fall apart, there is reason and lessons in all these.

I am both religious and spiritual. The thing about me is, you will like me or you will hate me and I personally do not give a phuck if you hate me. I am only filled with love and forgiveness and gratitude for where I am today.

Take care and be well.

The Alchemist

2011-06-10T07:07:00.000+08:00

Holy Divine Self in me,

Hear me now, I do decree.

Let violet fire of freedom roll

’Round the world to make all whole.

Saturate the air, the sea, the land

At Saint Germain’s divine command.

Let wisdom reign, God-power grow,

Let love prevail and mercy flow.

Let war now cease and evil bind,

Reveal the truth to all mankind.

Compel all leaders to be just,

For liberty is now a must.

Defuse all plots, expose all lies,

Let Portia rule and justice rise.

Now Zadkiel and Amethyst,

Consume all darkness, East and West.

May anarchy and terror fail,

God-government and hope prevail.

O violet fire of Omri-Tas,

Now blaze with blest Oromasis.

O masters, angels, now appear,

We see perfection everywhere.

We pray with you, both near and far,

’Til earth becomes the Freedom Star.

~ from the Hearts Center

How many of you have read the book by Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist?

If you have not read it yet, go read it. This blog is not about the book.

The definition for alchemy usually refers to an ancient tradition, the primary objective of which was the creation of the mythical philosopher's stone. The stone is said to be capable of turning base metals into gold and also act as an elixir of life that would confer youth and immortality upon its user.

The book on the other hand details the journey of an Andalusian shepherd boy named Santiago. Santiago, believing a recurring dream to be prophetic, decides to travel to the pyramids of Egypt to find treasure.

He then tells a lone gypsy about this treasure. As he leaves, the gypsy mentions one thing: If he does find the treasure, she wants 1/10 of it.

On the way, he encounters love, danger, opportunity, disaster and learns a lot about himself and the ways of the world. One of the significant characters that he meets is an old king named Melchizedek who tells him about discovering his personal legend: what he always wanted to accomplish in his life.

During his travels, he meets a beautiful Arabian woman named Fatima who explains to him that if he follows his heart, he shall find what it is he seeks. Santiago then encounters a lone alchemist who tells about personal legends. He says that people only want to find the treasure of their personal legends but not the personal legend itself.

He feels unsure about himself as he listens to the alchemist's teachings. The alchemist states "Those who don't understand their personal legends will fail to comprehend its teachings."

Melchizedek also tells him, "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

This is the core philosophy and motto of the book.

I am an alchemist. Because true alchemy is about self transformation. Self transformation is the goal of the most spiritual of alchemists. To seek a way to change the lead of negative human energy into the gold of divine energy.

And I achieve this from using all the colours of the rainbow which combined form the pure translucent and pure divine white. Amongst the highest of these flames and colors is the violet flame.

The violet flame is a unique spiritual energy that has helped me in many areas of my life. It has heals emotional and physical problems, improved my relationships, help me to grow spiritually, and just made my life easier.

The color violet has long been associated with spirituality. Having the highest frequency in the visible spectrum, violet is at the point of transition to the next octave of light. Saints and adepts throughout the ages have known how to use the violet flame, but it was only released to the public earlier this century by an Ascended Master called Saint Germain.

Ascended Masters are enlightened spiritual beings who once walked the earth like you and me. They balanced their karma (paid their debts to life) and fulfilled their reason for being. They then ascended, or reunited with God. Like Mahavir, Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Kuan Yin, amongst many others.

The following part of the blog is taken from other web sources and paraphrased to make it more concise and to the point.

What the Violet Flame Does
Ever wish there was a way you could wipe out your past mistakes?

While you can't go back in time, the violet flame has the power to erase, or transmute the cause, the effect, and even the memory of our past mistakes. The violet flame changes negative energy into positive energy, darkness into light, "fate" into opportunity. The flame also erases the resultant "bad karma" of our mistakes.

Our past actions - both good and bad - do come back to us. This is the law of karma. This impersonal cosmic law decrees that whatever we do comes full circle to our doorstep for resolution; simply, what goes around comes around.

The violet flame is able to transmute or mitigate our negative karma before it comes back to us.

On the physical level, the violet flame can help heal our bodies by removing the karma that makes us vulnerable to illness and disease. But the real cause of disease is often rooted in our mental, emotional and spiritual states.

How the Violet Flame Works
The violet flame works by changing "vibrations". The violet flame works by changing vibrations at a atomic level.

Atoms are mostly empty space. The empty space between the nucleus and the electrons is where negative energy and karma can become stuck. When the atoms in our bodies and auras become clogged with this negativity, the electrons whirl slower and slower, and we begin to resonate more with negativity, and less with light - we have a lower vibration, and become less spiritual.

The violet flame transmutes this negative energy. It does not simply surround and remove the energy, but transforms it into light. Because there is less density within the atom, the electrons whirl faster and faster, thereby raising your vibration.

When you have a higher vibration, there is more spiritual energy in your body. The violet flame frees up this energy and re-establishes harmony and equilibrium, propelling you into a more spiritual state of being.

My dream as an alchemist
The violet flame is a tool of self-transformation.

I do not seek physical wealth, but spiritual wealth.

I seek to transform myself into a more spiritual being, by becoming more loving, wise and compassionate.

The violet flame has the capacity to bring about this transformation by transmuting negative elements within myself. It has the unique ability to transform fear into courage, anxiety into peace and hatred into love.

Transmutation, then, was not just a process which turned base metals into gold, but a spiritual process which raised the soul into a state of unity with the Divine.

How to Use the Violet Flame
The violet flame is practical and easy to use.

Find a place where you won't be disturbed, and sit comfortably in a straight chair with your spine and head erect, legs and arms uncrossed and feet flat on the floor. Rest your hands on your upper legs, with palms facing upwards. Alternatively, you can sit on a true lotus position.

The violet flame is invoked through "decreeing" - a unique form of words utilizing visualization and meditation.

One of the simplest decrees to the violet flame is: "I am a being of violet fire! I am the purity Divine desires!"

Take a few, slow deep breaths and center in your heart.

Start out slowly, giving the decree with love, devotion and feeling.

Repeat the decree three or nine times to begin with; you can gradually increase this to 27, 81, 108 repetitions. Repeating the decree strengthens its power and draws down more light.

Once you are familiar with the decree, you can close your eyes while giving it and concentrate on visualizing the violet flame.

See yourself before a large bonfire, about nine feet high and six feet wide. Color it violet in your imagination, and see the flames pulsating and undulating in endless shades of violet with gradations of purple and pink.

Then see yourself stepping into the flame, so the violet flame is where you physically are. See your body as transparent, with the flames curling up from beneath your feet, passing through and around your body, clear up over your head.

Imagine the violet flame inside of you, going through all your body, your chakras and your organs, going in between all your atoms and dissipating the negative energies that may have been clogged up there.

To those who have developed their spiritual sight, the violet flame appears as a physical violet fire. You may also be able to "see" the violet flame at work with your inner eye, by concentrating on the spiritual center between your eyebrows.

Even a few minutes of violet flame will produce results, but persistence is needed to penetrate age-old habits you would like to change. You can start out with just a few minutes of violet flame in the morning to help you through the day, and you can add the violet flame to whatever prayers or meditations you currently practice.

I wish you all the best in using the violet flame in your life. I hope that you use it for the highest good of all concerned and if you do not, you are just increasing your own negative karma. So use it for good as the violet flame does not work for bad.

Take care and be well.

They are at it again

2011-06-09T04:44:00.001+08:00

The dog across the street, a mutt named Lassie starts to bark incessantly.

Al E gets out of his comfortable basket and as delicate as possible goes under the bed. Delicate as possible for a dog with claws on a laminated wood flooring is pretty much like a bull in a china shop.

So, I get up to see what the ruckus is all about. And open the bedroom door just in case Al E needs to pee.

Wifey is not in bed yet, likely meditating or doing her jewellery.

It is 2am.

I toss and I turn and wifey comes to bed. Usually she and Al E are my sleeping pills, so I try to get back to bed.

I take a drink of water and try to sleep through Lassie's barking.

To no avail, I lie wide awake for an hour and decide I have had enough. I am checking this out and I get up.

I go down and as I am about to slide the curtains open and open the front door, Al E comes trudging down.

So, I connect to Mother Earth, Father Sky and the Animal Kingdom and meditate. I ask Lassie and Al E what's up?

"Both tell me at the same breath, do not open the door, do not come out, they are at it again."

Not much needed to be elaborated. They are at it again but nothing can be done.

So, I continue my meditation. I do my Reiki symbols and send energy to Lassie, a dog that is always kept outside, so that I can protect him and give him energy to deal with whatever is out there.

He stops barking immediately.

Al E is sleeping by my feet but ever so alert. In his deep sleep, he twitches his feet but ever so aware of any movement that I make.

I take his green blanket and cover him up.

Then go on the computer for a while.

And after some calmness and stillness of the wee hours of the morning, I meditate again, connecting and seeking any guidance, any messages.

What are they doing again? Who are they? What is out there?

Of course all the answers I am somewhat already aware of but nevertheless, it is never wrong to seek some guidance, from the Universe, from the Divine, from Mahavir, from Babaji, from Jesus, from anyone that can help.

Within minutes, I see a video image like a old grainy color movie but using infra red in the darkness of the night. Something, someone is out there. Vampire strike back perhaps? Star Wars? Close Encounter of another kind?

Does not truly matter. What matters is they are at it again and this time, I am well prepared and protected.

As I am in meditation, slowly a violet light envelops me, then slowly my surrounding, the living room, the inside of the house and then it envelopes the whole house. The violet flame will protect the good and destroy anything that is not intended for the highest good.

The 1st line of defense is to have a shield. The shield is set and the occupants within the shield are well prepared.

Come on, come on, whatever you are, whatever your intentions, whatever your fight .... give it your best shot. You will be defeated, you will fail, you will not succeed in your evil intentions because this home is filled only with good intentions for the highest good of all concerned.

So long, just walk on by, do not even glance into this direction and leave Lassie across the street alone as well. Don't look back and don't bother coming again.

Take care and be well.

Love does not heal everything

2011-06-07T22:10:00.000+08:00

Okay, so a few days ago, I wrote love heals and now I am writing that love alone does not heal. I seem to be contradicting myself but let me go ahead and explain this.

I still do not agree with anyone who says that love has to hurt sometimes - reason being that hurt comes from ego and not from the soul.

Anyways, what does love not heal? Love does not heal diseased cells in your body. Love will not heal cancer cells nor will they heal your HIV or any other simple flu or cold virus or bacteria.

It does not heal all of this because the intention of love is wrong.

This blog is a similar entry to my Reiki blog where I write more details about intentions.

I wrote about how water reacts when you give positive affirmation of love and gratitude. How the water crystallizes beautifully when we just say I love you and thank you to water.

But now imagine this.

When you say I love you to your cancer cells, all you are telling them is that it is okay that you are a cancer cell and you are killing me, I love you nevertheless.

Of course the cancer cell is happy because you love it and therefore continues to expand and expands to others cells whom you have not said you love.

All the good cells around the cancer cells hear you say that you love the cancer cell, so when the cancer cell tells them, "Come into my fold, the boss loves me.", they know this to be true. So they too become cancer cells.

So, the best thing to tell these cells is, "Look here, you all mutated cells, go back to normal and I will love you. I do not like they way you are now and I do want you to be spreading and growing anymore. Go back to your normal healthy self."

And close to 40% of the cells will actually stop growing. The will eventually return to their normal self.

And instead of loving your cancer cells, love your normal cells unconditionally, the healthy normal cells deserve all the love so they can have this hippie love fest Woodstock gathering in your body and convert all those right wing cancer cells and other diseased cells to go back to their normal loving selves.

Closer to my own self and how this has worked for me.

After my accident, I had severe headaches and vertigo for close to a month. After going to see various useless panel doctors who continued to prescribe paracetamol and various other pain killers, I went to see one final top panel doctor and got someone that was really good who sent me to do some MRI scans immediately.

It was discovered that I had 2 slipped disc on my neck which explained the pain in the neck I was having on top of the headaches and the vertigo. These discs were pressing on some nerve and causing all these issues.

So, I tried physiotherapy and I tried Pilates but finally I used Reiki on myself.

And then I used intentions. I had the image of my negative MRI scan in my head and I intended for the 2 disc that had slipped out to slip back into place.

It was literally a cartoonish imagination and intention of the slipped discs returning to normal.

And low and behold, I do not have the headaches anymore nor do I feel dizzy or have vertigo. There is still every now and then a pain in the neck but then again others around me are always being a pain in the neck sometimes ... so that pain in the neck needs to be handled with other intentions.

But love does heal many many other things and indirectly it does heal the cancer cell as long as the intention and affirmation is correct.

Take care and be well.

In and out

2011-06-06T06:56:00.003+08:00

People come in and people go out of our lives. In our bodily life as well as our soul life, people are always coming in and leaving.

Somehow, many of us are hurt when people leave, whether it is through death, divorce, misunderstanding, etc.

Instead of rejoicing people that are in our lives, many of us including myself in the past are dwelling on people that have left our lives.

As mentioned in my previous blog, the soul purpose is to be as close to the Divine as possible. The soul purpose is to be divine.

Thus, people come into our lives and leave our lives for a specific purpose and reason. You may not know the reason immediately but there is a purpose to their being in your life or out of your life.

Somehow, we all seem to really get down about those who have left. I cannot pin-point the reasons for it, but we tend to focus on loss rather than what we have or what we have gained.

I have had many losses in my life. Friends through death, distance as well as arrogance, misunderstanding and miscommunication. I have lost "my human mother" through death. I have lost my siblings through similar reasons.

But what have I gained?

I have gained so much more in life.

I have gained many new interesting soul connections. I have gained my connection to one true mother, Mother Earth. I have gained one true connection with the father, Divine Universe.

I have gained connection to angels and guardians.

I have gained connection to love, gratitude and forgiveness.

I now no longer look behind at my losses but look ahead to the many good things I have in my life.

My life is not perfect, the soul of I is still on his path to be divine but it is well on his way.

People come in and out of my soul's eternal life, for a purpose and I thank them and I seek forgiveness and I give my love to all these souls that have touched or brushed my soul. Even if their intention was evil and bad, I thank them and send them love.

That stabs I used to feel in my back are now filled with love and gratitude in my heart, in my mind and in my very being.

Those in the past are just memories, soon fading away and blown away like dust in the wind.

In the end of it all, all we are are the souls that we are and everything else, our body, our clothes are just dust in the wind.

I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind.
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy.
Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind

Take care and be well.

Reiki

2011-06-02T17:35:00.003+08:00

I have written about Reiki here before and this is going to be amongst my shortest blog entry.

I have started my own Reiki blog.

Yes, there may be many other Reiki blogs and a lot of information available on the net, but this is mine and mostly about my Reiki journey.

Nil's Musings will remain as my main blog but just as I also write in Al E's blog, I will also write in the Rainbow Reiki blog.

How do I find the time? And inspiration? And motivation?

I simply let the soul that is I guide me.

Take care and be well.

Devil's Child

2011-06-01T20:18:00.002+08:00

Hypnotize me

Mesmerize me

Feel my willpower slip.

Light my fire

With cold desire

Losing all my grip.

Eat my diamonds

Drinkin' all my gin

Feast your eyes on

A whole lotta sin.

On no you're so damned wicked

You got me by the throat

Oh no got your claws stuck in my

You never let me go

I believe you're the devil

I believe you're the devil's child.

Took my dreams

And now it seems you're nothing but a liar

Smash and grab at all I had

Build my funeral pyre.

Stop pretendin'

Got me growin' old

Your tormentin's

Fit to snap my soul.

You took my heart

And left it blown to smithereens.

I gave my body as a slave

You cut my flesh

And drank my blood that poured in streams

I'm left here broken and ashamed.

Goin' under

Hear the thunder

Death defying grace.

Your condition breeds ammunition

Shoots me in the face.

Vivious talkin'

Stabs me like a knife

Scratched and bruised, so abused

I'm a human sacrifice.

~ Judas Priest Devil's Child

When we picture a devil, we picture someone that is red, someone with horns and a forked tail - well, that is the general image we have been programmed with since we are young.

A devil's child thus will not look much different from the picture above.

Now seriously .... how could we ever be enticed by the devil?

Imagine a bright red guy with horns and a forked tail and blood red eyes comes over to you and say, "Sell your soul to me, I will show you a wonderful place?"

Now will you fall for that? Who in their right mind would fall for that? Then I think of all those people who have been conned by various obvious scams on the Internet or through other media and I guess there are enough of people who will fall for a red faced, red eyes man with horns and a tail but a majority of us will not.

Now, if we do not believe in that image of the devil anymore, do we still believe in the devil?

For me, it is simple, Devil = Evil; God = Good. I believe in Good and Evil or Good and Bad to put it simply. And thus, yes, I believe that good people are godly and bad people are devilish.

But who am I to judge what is good and what is bad.

This is more a perception of an individual - some people, especially politicians seem to never do evil and always perceive themselves to be good. Yet, I generally perceive most politicians especially in Malaysia french clowns - the evil kind.

I was recently told that the child of the devil will be born this year and will take the soul of someone I am related to.

What does this actually mean? I wondered the same. Especially since I was also informed that I will find a way for this not to happen.

So, an evil child is going to be born. Hmmm, could be maybe the PM and RM were going to have another kid? That would be an evil child for sure.

Then again, for people like Mahatma Gandhi and Kasturba whom both were considered godly, their 1st son was evil and had to be even officially disowned by both the parents.

So, evil father plus evil mother not always ends in evil child and good father and good mother does not result in a good child.

Anyways, what is good and what is evil?

There are many opinions to this, religious opinions, psychological opinions, sociological opinions, scientific opinions but the only opinion that matter is your opinions.

In religion, ethics, and philosophy, the phrase, good and evil refers to the location on a two-way spectrum of objects, desires, or behaviors, the good direction being morally positive, and the evil direction morally negative. Good is a broad concept but it typically deals with an association with life, charity, continuity, happiness, and prosperity. Evil is more simply defined: the opposite of good. The good and evil of a context represents a personal judgment, a societal norm, or either's claim to an absolute value related to the human nature or transcendent religious standard for that context.

But Nietzsche said we need to look beyond good and evil and not blindly accepting Judeo-Christian premises in their consideration of morality. The work by Nietzsche moves into the realm "beyond good and evil" in the sense of leaving behind the traditional morality which he subjects to a destructive critique in favour of what he regards as an affirmative approach that fearlessly confronts the perspective nature of knowledge and the perilous condition of the modern individual.

I was among to only one person in the whole of Steven's Point Wisconsin who opposed the war against Iraq by then President George Bush. Everyone else seemed to strongly support the war. However, for me, there was no real excuse where killing 1 person is considered murder but killing 1 million people is called foreign policy.

Where the international tribunals are now pulling up war criminals for genocide. And many of these evil people involved in Germany, in Cambodia, in Croatia, in Iraq etc have been punished but it is okay for superpowers like China, US as well as NATO and UN to go into war and consider that protecting the innocent people although the have killed many innocent people.

Why are these so called good people considered good?

For a long time, I could not decide on the death penalty. I believed in it then I did not believe in it. Now, I have made a decision. I do not believe in the death penalty.

I do not think I would want to make the decision or be the judge and executioner. God will decide if it is good and devil will decide if it is bad.

I am here for a purpose. The purpose is to be Godly, meaning to be as close to God as possible, this to be good.

To be good as what I perceive to be good.

So, to that, I now seek forgiveness if what I consider to be good is not considered good by you. I thank you and I love you.

Take care and be well.

Mind tricks?

2011-05-31T10:10:00.002+08:00

Is your mind playing tricks on you?

Are you seeing things that are moving when everything is still?
Like the eye illusion above, when you focus on one area, the other area seems to move.

Are you hearing things that others do not hear?
Sometimes, I hear a high pitch consistent sound, and I am sure others have too, it is not really explainable although scientist will try to explain it.

Do you sense something before it happens? I can sense when rain will stop, I can generally predict when rain will stop. I cannot predict when it will start but I know when it will stop. There are times I will be driving and it is raining and I have willed or just thought for the rain to stop before I reach the destination. And by coincidence or faith or power within me, the rain stops.

Why does sometimes, something that happens in a mere second have a playback time of minutes in your head, like a slow motion movie? This happens when I think of my accident, the actual time of the accident would have been mere seconds, maybe 5-10 seconds at the most but when I play back the movie in my head, I could likely make a feature length movie with special effects and all. Okay, I am exaggerating a little but the 5-10 seconds sure stretches to 5-10 minutes.

There are things that science can explain and there are things that science cannot.

How does my lil fury boy know that I am coming back home even 5 minutes before I have reached home or how does he sense that I am in trouble or I am sad?

There are senses beyond the 5 senses and there is science beyond the maths, physics, chemistry and biology that we know.

Even our science has proven some interesting experiments.

Through the 1990′s, Dr. Masaru Emoto performed a series of experiments observing the physical effect of words, prayers, music and environment on the crystalline structure of water.

Emoto hired photographers to take pictures of water after being exposed to the different variables and subsequently frozen so that they would form crystalline structures.

The results were nothing short of remarkable. I will let the following pictures tell the story:

Normal tap water

Normal tap water after prayer and affirmation

After stating the following statement repeatedly to the water: "You are pure water"

After saying "You are polluted"

After saying "Adolf Hitler"

After saying "Love and Gratitude"

After saying "You make me sick"

After saying "Thank you"

This experiment was done with water.

Water molecules are Hydrogen and Oxygen - pretty much all the air around us.

And we have been told that our human bodies consist between 60-75% water.

So, imagine what difference it would make just to say "Thank you. I love you. Please forgive me." to yourself and saying it in your mind repeatedly as you think of yourself and when you think of others.

Imagine just saying "Thank You and I love you" to the air that you breath, the food that you eat, the computer that you use, the water that you drink and take a bath with, to each and everything you do in life.

You will create pure and beautiful crystalline formations which can only be good for all of us.

So, when you pick up the newspapers today and see something stupid that your government is doing or some sad news, just send "Thank you and I love you" and do not get too bogged down with the negatives.

Thank you. I love you.

Take care and be well.