Scaling our obstacles, using the rope of acceptance

Mount Everest or as the Tibetians call it, Qomolangma or Sagarmatha as it is called in Nepal we all know is the tallest peak in the world. It is 8,848 metres (29,029 ft). Climbing Everest is by far not an easy feat although lately it has become over climbed with many making attempts.

At around 8,000 metres, you arrive at what they call a death zone - it is called such because at that altitude, it cannot sustain any human life and there is barely much plant or animal life that can be sustained with such low oxygen levels as well.

There was a huge controversy in 2006 about the commercialism and ethics when many climbing parties had passed a distressed climber, David Sharp, sheltering under a rock overhang 450 metres (1,480 ft) below the summit, without attempting a rescue.

David Sharp was later to die after his condition deteriorated through the day and other descending climbers passed him, his opportunities for rescue diminished as his legs and feet curled from frostbite, preventing him from walking; the later descending climbers are lower on oxygen and lack the strength to offer any aid; and time ran out for any Sherpas to return and rescue him.

The revelation sparked wide debate on climbing ethics, especially as applied to Everest. The climbers who left him said that the rescue efforts would have been useless and only have caused more deaths.

As this debate raged, within the same month, Australian climber Lincoln Hall was found alive, after being declared dead the day before. He was found by a party of four climbers (Dan Mazur, Andrew Brash, Myles Osborne and Jangbu Sherpa) who, giving up their own summit attempt, stayed with Hall and descended with him and a party of 11 Sherpas sent up to carry him down. Hall later fully recovered.

So what made the difference in survival of one and death of another?

Unselfish teamwork, the kind that seems more of an exception than a norm these days. It is rare to see a unified effective team.

However, if we had one month to live, and we were counting down the days, we will be looking for ways to build bridges, bring healing and enjoy the most important relationships. Nobody wants to leave with unfinished business, we want to leave with our loved ones experiencing the summit of our relationship because of our courage to love completely.

We all know that from where we are to reach where we want to be, to love completely, is going to be a steep climb and we will require a team of people we trust, including God. There are many mountains that we must conquer to reach the peak of our relationship.

The first peak to conquer is mountain of misunderstanding. This is the most difficult peak to climb because you may be climbing smoothly up this mountain and suddenly you'll get a big boulder of misunderstanding in your path which will throw you off the course. One may just give up and descend whereas another may remain too long in the death zone.

I reached these boulders many times in my relationship with different people and sometimes it is really difficult to overcome but with the power of God and with the understanding and realization that differences of opinion are natural and inevitable part of every relationship, you can find a way around and conquer any misunderstanding.

Another mountain we must climb in a relationship is what I term the Kiasu Mountain. Kiasu is a Singlish (Singaporean English) term to describe me first attitude. No compromises, I will meet your needs if you meet my needs first. This is the type of attitude that killed David Sharp. People who are more interested in reaching the summit first rather than helping another, compromising, working as a team, working together, we all together.

In a relationship, an open dialogue about what is at stake, how both people are feeling and how things can change is important to conquer Kiasu Mountain.

The final mountain is the most deadly, the mountain of mistakes. As humans, we have faults and we mess up and we make mistakes. Each one of us have been hurt by another person's words or actions. It is easy to get wounded here and be abandoned on this mountain.

To really love the people in our lives, we have to conquer this 3 mountains, we have to learn and work through the mistakes and push beyond our own selfish interests. We have to be willing and we have to pour ourselves into those we love, motivate them to stay on the trial together, empower them to persevere.

Relationships aren't for wimps and it is going to take supernatural help from God's power to love.

In order to persevere and conquer these mountains, we must connect with the rope of acceptance. We cannot climb these mountains safely without using this rope.

One of our greatest problems in relationships is that we are trying to change the other person. To use the rope of acceptance means to stop trying to change them and start trying to understand them.

Start understanding, and start cherishing your loved ones. Value them enough to understand them. As God gives us the power to deal with other people, he gives us the power to accept one another and really connect with the rope of acceptance and climb greater heights together.

Lastly, what sort of boots are you wearing? Do they have enough traction. In conjunction with acceptance, we gain traction with loving action.

The essential for a strong relationship are small loving actions, consistency, clarity and security of the loving actions. The clarity and security of our loving actions cannot be underestimated and is what provides the traction required to conquer the 3 peaks.

We all need to be tethered to a rock from falling off as a safety measure. In a relationship, a love completely relationship, the tether is what I wrote yesterday, forgiveness.

We all make mistake, I make mistakes. And the most powerful words I can say and say truthfully is, "I am sorry, will you forgive me?"

Obstacles - misunderstanding, selfishness and mistakes - are part of relationships but we can overcome them by practising acceptance, loving action and ongoing forgiveness. This requires God's supernatural love infusing and helping push us beyond our natural inclinations and capabilities.

We have to pray with our eyes on God and not on our difficulties and obstacles, and we will overcome them.

Take care and be well.