About Me

I have done a lot of things in my life and have also worked in many different jobs to make a living and to experience life. This blog is just some of my musings, sometimes funny, sometimes inspirational, sometimes sad, sometimes angry, sometimes simple but all the time, it's just me.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Say what you need to say

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems
Better put 'em in quotations
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say.
John Mayer, Say

One of the most difficult things for me to do sometimes is to say what I need to say. But to live a life of no regrets, to be on this journey, I have to start revealing my heart. Say what I need to say when I have the feeling and the chance cause I know if I do not, my deepest regret would be things I did not do, opportunities I have missed and things left unsaid.

In this world of communications, you would think that we have improved our communications significantly especially with satellites, teleconferences, wireless technology, 3G, 4G, mobile phones, Skype, Facebook and other social communications networks. But do you wonder really how much real connections happens?

Lines of communications are breaking down with alarming frequency, people talk all the time but very few are hearing each other's words, let alone unspoken messages and feelings.

Eighty percent of communication is non-verbal, things like facial expressions, hand and body gestures, body language. So, by using the above modern means of communications we have at our disposal now, we are only expressing about twenty percent of what we are trying to convey and we are also only able to receive twenty percent of what is being conveyed to us. No wonder there is so much of miscommunication.

It is important in my journey to express love to key people in my life, tell them what I consider to be important, ask for their forgiveness and remind them of the shared times together. And I have to listen to what they are really saying to me.

However, to really listen to and before you open your mouth to speak, you must open your heart.

Until you open your heart to the ones you love, you will never experience the breakthrough in communications. Before the words flow, expose your heart, risk vulnerability to the point of possible rejection and be aware that God loves you and will never reject you.

So, how do I open my heart? One way is sharing time. It costs time to communicate effectively and the date with my wife which I need to go out with soon.

Apart from time, we must share our troubles. For people to see my heart, I have to admit my needs. Sure we have to wear an armour to fight the battles that we need to fight but we must also learn to take off the armour when we want to communicate.

Admit mistakes, tell your needs, share what you are thinking, open your heart before you open your mouth.

Also, learn to listen. No matter how great lives may seem from your perspective, everyone hurts. I hurt too. If you listen beneath and beyond the words that are spoken by a loved one, you will hear the hurt and connect with them at a deeper level.

Look into people's eyes and try to discover what they truly love, what they are interested in, what they dream about.

And tell the truth, truth means trust. In most workplaces today, people do not speak the truth or share their true feelings. They may gossip, they may stab others in the back, have strong opinions and hold them and get bitter and very few speak the truth.

Why? Simple, it is easier to act nice and say what people want to hear. No one really wants to share the truth from gut level.

Great relationships and great organizations are built on trust, and to build trust, you tell the truth. In the organization I work in, for a few years in a row, in the employee survey, the employees have said the believe their leaders do not tell the truth. I have to be honest here and also believe that the leaders do not tell the truth always, mainly because it is just easier being nice, they may be feel that the truth will demotivate people.

We must be willing to tell the truth but also temper it with grace. If you are angry, talk about it. If you feel hurt, talk about it. If you have a strong opinion, share it. If you respect others, speak the truth.

Of course truth is messy sometimes but it will build trust and strengthen the foundation of the relationship.

Over years I have been just nice and not tell the truth to my dad but recently, I have opened my heart and I tell him the truth. I tell him how sometimes he does not do things with heart but more with influence from society; how I truthfully dislike going to India because of the haggling on the streets and endless visits to relatives and how I understand that he likes going there.

Finally, say what you need to say to God. Call God, connect with God and seek his guidance to help you connect with people in your life.

In the Bible in Jeremiah 33:3, God says, "Call me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

You will never get a busy signal, He will never put you on hold. Be honest and ask for the help you need, and if you cannot find the words, ask him to give you the words.

True communication is about connecting, sharing and understanding. We must be willing to open our hearts, listen and identify unspoken needs of others.

Say what you need to say, say what you need to say. Even if your hands are shaking, and your faith is broken; Even as the eyes are closing, do it with a heart wide open; Say what you need to say, Say what you need to say.

Take care and be well.

1 comment:

Deborah said...

This was said beautifully. Thank you for sharing.